Proper Chilli Con Carne!!!!!
I have read a few chili recipes here so far but mine is significantly better!

In a large wok, add a good glug of olive oil, add shitloads of garlic, onions, cumin seeds, brown sugar, hottest chilis you can find (I was in heaven when Dorset Nagas were available last year locally) Scotch bonnets will suffice.

add mustard powder, mix together - dont let it get any colour or it will taste like rotten spunk.

now add a good 'holds up hand' that much lemon juice so it bubbles, add a good 'this much' white/red wine vinegar (or wine) now add your tinned tomatoes, at this stage sprinkle in you mince beef being careful not to break it into lumps.

add a good few heaped spoons of salt, loads of black pepper, tomato purée and stir.

throw in a rinsed tin of kidney beans, a few bay leafs, and dried oregano and basil, fresh rosemary. add a knob of butter.

stir, and let it bubble away. taste.

add seasoning, more lemon and wine.

bubble for as long as possible. Serve.

I eat alone because I have no friends so dish up and let cool. it will be amazing over the next few days.
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Fri 29 Jun 2012, 13:46, 19 replies)

Just a suggestion, but experiment with different kinds of beans too. I can recommend borlotti beans, black-eyed beans and cannellini beans.
I've also heard it said that a good slug of tequila adds a certain something to the final taste.
(GingerIrishTosser isn't dead yet., Fri 29 Jun 2012, 14:01, closed)

^What he said.
I'll also put in recommends for butter beans (go very nice in chilli) and aduki beans (got them by not looking too hard at the label one time, became a bit of a favourite).

A good chunk of decently black chocolate goes a treat with it as well, but everyone knows that.
(_(_(_(_(_(_(_(_(_ =o.o=, Fri 29 Jun 2012, 18:16, closed)

I love a good chilli
this sounds... interesting. Will give it a whirl.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Fri 29 Jun 2012, 14:04, closed)

heston trick
if you throw in a star anise as you brown your beef mince it adds a certain extra YUM to the dish. ( remove it when you add the wet stuff tho or it will break up and become a strange surprise.) Works in spag bol and cottage pie too !
(a girl called harry, Fri 29 Jun 2012, 14:12, closed)

meh
but Heston's a massive cunt
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Fri 29 Jun 2012, 16:43, closed)

but
he isnt even fucking browning his meat - he is fucking stewing it fucking retard spackface. who the fuck boils their fucking mince in a fucking chilli con fucking carne
(little lord muthafuckin fauntleroy, Sat 30 Jun 2012, 17:58, closed)

Ok, just to make sure I'm reading this right ...
... you're proposing BOILING the meat in the sauce?
( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Fri 29 Jun 2012, 14:14, closed)

That's how I read it, too.
Sounds vile.
I used to make superb chilli but, since toning it down a bit to make it palatable to children, I find I've rather lost the knack.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 29 Jun 2012, 14:33, closed)

yes the meat is cooked through in the liquid you've made, I dont like the meat fried or browned what so ever, when you put it like that 'boiled' it does sound vile. I find doing it like this, the meat absorbs the flavours. Oh I forgot as I dont always add, a stock cube crumbled in can be nice.
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Fri 29 Jun 2012, 14:36, closed)

Boiled until it is a grey, tasteless mush?
Chilli con carne a la Inglese, if you like your language as mangled as your cooking.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 29 Jun 2012, 14:49, closed)

at no stage is it boiled, its heated through... it really really is good! It is fresh, not a grey gloop in any fashion!
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Fri 29 Jun 2012, 15:35, closed)

I'll stick to properly cooked mince, thanks.
I'm sure your chilli is lovely, but if there's one thing the internet likes to bicker about, it's the right way to make chilli! I'm keeping my recipe under wraps, for precisely this reason.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 29 Jun 2012, 20:23, closed)

???
Don't like browning your meat, eh?
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Fri 29 Jun 2012, 16:44, closed)

Oh Christ, it's curried steak all over again.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 29 Jun 2012, 15:14, closed)

Look on the bright side. One tin of beans. Several heaped spoonfuls of salt. He'll be dead by Christmas.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jun 2012, 17:34, closed)

Where's the chocolate?

(IHateSprouts is baking a huge pie shaped like an enormous pie, Fri 29 Jun 2012, 16:03, closed)

A dollop of black treacle works a treat in chilli

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 29 Jun 2012, 16:23, closed)

I advise an urgent trip to your GP or even A&E.
You appear to be suffering from "tongue made of shit" disease.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jun 2012, 16:42, closed)

no wonder you don't have any friends if you're boiling mince, you massive sperglord.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Sat 30 Jun 2012, 18:13, closed)