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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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I can't help but think this might not be the best idea
www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-17297714

What odd remedies and cures do you lot have for ailments? I've been pissing rusty water out of my arse at high pressure most of the night. Meh. I am still going to go out tonight for curry and beer though

Alt:
What the fuck are you up at this time for?
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 6:14, Reply)
Fuck that I used to LOVE getting pissed while tripping.
I've still got just over twenty minutes of my shift left.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 6:40, Reply)
I am 100% behind that idea.
I would also like to take this opportunity to stand up and announce that I, tangledupinblue, am an alcoholic.
Can I have some acid now, please?
I'll give you some quack advice to help justify your plans for tonight: curry contains turmeric, which contains a substance call curcumin which is a natural anti-inflammatory used for hundreds of years in Ayurvedic medicine for stomach ailments. Beer will probably help too.

Alt: I have kids.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 6:49, Reply)
tangles, you get a gold star for this

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:00, Reply)
Wooo!

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:01, Reply)
In a bad way.
A gold star in a '1930s Germany' way. Now put it on your coat and get on the train.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:23, Reply)
I've always wanted to visit Poland
Should I wash before I go or do they have shower facilities there?
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:28, Reply)
Hahaha

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:37, Reply)
Oy, get you're own 'thing'.

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:03, Reply)
What step is admitting it?

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:05, Reply)
Step 1.
Which, really, is pretty obvious

/only sensible answer of the day
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:13, Reply)
I really didn't know!

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:40, Reply)
yet another reason to love Norway.
Alt, I was told by an old Irish lady, that to cure constipation one should run a hot bath and hang your arse over the edge. (She didn't say to shit in the bath). Apparently there is no traditional Irish cure for being a prize cunt.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 8:20, Reply)
I've just seen the most stupid interview of a pop star I've ever seen.
This girl Alexandria Berk girl has a new single called "there is an elephant in the room", it's shit, really shit, but aside from that, she goes "Nobody has really heard that expression over on this side of the pond, so when we* were writting the song, I thought I would be the first person to bring it over.".

* by 'we' she means 'they'
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 8:27, Reply)
I thought you liked berk.

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 8:29, Reply)
She's about half way between a good terrormassue and a banoffee pie, on the pudding scale Y axis,
and just slightly to the right of a snickers flapjack along the X axis.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 8:33, Reply)
Add 'terrormassue' to the list!
It sounds like something a suicide bomber would get from one of the 92 virgins.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 8:37, Reply)
I hadn't read your blog for a week or so, I just saw you already have this covered.
Yay!
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 8:39, Reply)
'Alchotraz'
I've stayed there!
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 8:40, Reply)
hahaha!

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:05, Reply)
=D

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:06, Reply)
72 virgins.
Or 72 raisins, depending on which translation of the Q'r'r'r'r'ran you have.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 8:44, Reply)
I'll try to remember that.
But only to avoid lookig stupid, not because I could care less about it offending anyone that I get it wrong.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 8:59, Reply)
Are they chocolate covered raisins?
That'd be better than the virgins.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:01, Reply)
I donno why someone would want 72 Virgins.
You only need one, the very last one, to cure your african aids and STIs. The rest of them would be best to have complete and utter dirty sleezy STI infected fuck-buddies... imagine all the weird and wonderful textures and flavours different STIs can produce !
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:08, Reply)
Oh grim, I just did a little sick in my mouth at the thought of that.

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:09, Reply)
I wouldn't even want one virgin.
I want ones who know what they're doing.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:10, Reply)
well, quite.

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:17, Reply)
at the risk ofd channeling Frankie fucking Boyle
a few ladies that had got about a bit would be far better.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:11, Reply)
I've met a few terror masseuses.
*flashbacks*
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 8:53, Reply)
Unhappy endings?

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:05, Reply)
more actual proper sports massage people
brutal.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:06, Reply)
You mean you had to finish yourself off?

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:10, Reply)
yeah, bastards.
they actually tried to treat my injuries, for fuck's sake. that's not what it's about
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:11, Reply)
At last, I have something to replace
"There's a giant issue that none of us seem willing to talk about even though it's staring us in the face and ignoring it is not going to make it go away and in fact is just making us look really stupid and it's probably going to cause problems sometime down the line, you know" in my daily speech.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 8:37, Reply)
Bugger.

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 8:35, Reply)
What's that a cure for? Diarrhoea?

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 8:42, Reply)
I think it's been known to be a cause, actually.

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 8:42, Reply)
I thought it might have at least a temporary 'plugging' effect.
Still, I'll bow to your expertise. Not literally, mind. I don't trust you.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 8:44, Reply)
Yeah, be careful, or you may get first hand experience
because I do find you utterly irresistable, you know.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:00, Reply)
You and everyone else.
Get to the back of the queue, you cunt.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:19, Reply)
It's an excellent idea, whachootalkinboutWillis?
Many valuable medical applications for hallucinogens were abandoned in the political furore aver recreational LSD use in the 1960s. Proper baby/bathwater stuff. You can still go for ayahuasca therapy sessions in South America which are demonstrably good for addiction and other psychological issues. The results of LSD therapy on terminal alkies were more successful than pretty much any other techniques they tried, especially with regard to people staying dry afterwards. So nerr.

Alt: I wasn't.

It's Lusty's birthday today and we're having a party tonight. Woo-hoo! PARRR-TAYYYY!!!! *ties ices hockey shirt round head, 'chugs' a 'brew'*
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 8:41, Reply)
Scientists once gave an elephant such a strong dose that it died

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 8:48, Reply)
Do tripping elephants see grey humans?

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 8:50, Reply)
Was that before or after Marlboro were sponsored by the Ku Klux Klan?
I can't remember, it's been ages since I read Jimmy Hill's Big Book of Facts.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 8:50, Reply)
The elephant had threatened to expose this secret
along with revealing details of how the moon landings were filmed in the Arizona desert. This was a typical CIA pachyderm "hit".
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 8:52, Reply)
Well, they had to keep themselves busy,
Once they'd killed Kennedy they didn't have much on.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 8:53, Reply)

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0156031353
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 8:53, Reply)
*puts Ape on ignore*

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:07, Reply)
Wish Lusty a happy birthday
For me.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 8:49, Reply)
I will indeed.

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 8:50, Reply)
What did you cook then or it that tonight?

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:02, Reply)
Mussels in white wine and garlic, with multigrain rye toast,
Followed by maple and mustard pork chops with sweet potato mash and kale, and a redcurrant 'jus'.

It weren't 'alf bad.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:11, Reply)
Sounds fucking 'nom
I must have me some mussels soon. I normally do them with a tin of tomato, can of lager and some chilli
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:31, Reply)
I did slip some Hot Pepper Sauce into the broth.

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:34, Reply)
Good man

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:36, Reply)
Wheres my fucking bus?
It's bad enough that I have to get on the hateful pleb-mobile let alone that it would fail it's timekeeping so spectacularly
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 8:47, Reply)
It really is timekeeping, isn't it?

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 8:48, Reply)
Sorry, even shit apostrophe aside, this post is fucking gibberish.

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 8:49, Reply)
I am really very very hungover
I may moan about it all day
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 8:50, Reply)
*puts Ape on ignore*

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 8:50, Reply)
*keeps Ape on ignore*

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 8:53, Reply)
To help
I've just called the Variety Club for you. They said, the bent spastic mobile will be along shortly.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:01, Reply)
Thanks jeffy!

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:02, Reply)
What's the party address again? I think my invite got lost in the post

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 8:50, Reply)
21 Bent Lane, Torquay, TQ7 5DD
Ask for 'Chutters'.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 8:55, Reply)
I'm not falling for that again

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:01, Reply)
I am so hungover that I think I might die

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 8:56, Reply)
Me too!
*hangover fives*
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:01, Reply)
This is what I have planned for tomorrow.
As well as 'normal' drinking, Lusty has hollowed out lime wedges and filled them with red vodka jelly, thus creating what looks like miniature watermelon slices. We have fucking shitloads of them.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:06, Reply)
this strikes me as a very un-Monty way of consuming booze.

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:08, Reply)
He is going to put them in his eyeballs.

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:10, Reply)
followed
by a Sherry Enema,
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:39, Reply)
It's not really aimed at me.
I'll be on the turntables drinking cognac out of a shoe.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:12, Reply)
keeping shit real.

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:14, Reply)
Damn straight, niggy-niggy.

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:16, Reply)
My shit is real

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:38, Reply)
Thanks for the invite, but I'm afraid I can't possibly make it
I am dying, you see
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:10, Reply)
I'd love you to come
but you have 'not turning up' form, like old Nakie-poos, so we didn't bother asking.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:15, Reply)
I do not have "not turning up form" I have "not coming form"

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:22, Reply)
You have a 'bent spastic' form.
But you filled it out wrong, because you are illiterate.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:24, Reply)
I like to keep people guessing
It gives me an air of mystique
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:28, Reply)
It makes you smell like an exclusive Caribbean island?

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:33, Reply)
*one night stands*

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:36, Reply)
Scandalous.

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:47, Reply)
I find mainstream medicine
to be the best general cure for ailments. Due to it being the only thing that is tested and works.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 8:59, Reply)
Shhh!
I've got snake oil to sell here.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:02, Reply)
Earwormed.
'Got Snake Oil, yeah, it's been around for a long, long time'.


Oh well, there are far worse songs to be stuck with, so I won't complain.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:06, Reply)
well, those snakes won't lubricate themselves

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:09, Reply)
My snake's lubrication keeps leaking out when I see nuns

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:33, Reply)
Normally I agree,
but I do actually think Monty has a point (for once), there was such hysteria about LSD that it's potential good hasn't been fully explored.

God, I can't believe I just said Monty has a point.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:03, Reply)
God, I can't believe an insufferable dimwit like Scarpe agrees with me.

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:07, Reply)
this article is about proper (sort of)
drug trials, so use of LSD like this would be mainstream medicine.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:07, Reply)
Well, that'll teach me to read beyond the headlines.
Especially as I was giving shit to someone earlier in the week for doing exactly what I just did.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:10, Reply)
Am I the only one who isn't hungover today?
I'm the same as TMB, I take Lemsip if I have a cold at work, and paracetamol/ibuprofen if I have a headache.

Alt: Because I'm at work.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:21, Reply)
I'm tip-top today.

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:22, Reply)
a very good morning to everyone that i don't have on ignore
I clicked that link, and the first 'Danger of LSD' made me laugh
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:26, Reply)
Morning!!!

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:27, Reply)
Blimey, you are tip top this morning

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:35, Reply)
Meh, morning.
Acid is only dangerous, if you attempt to drive on it. Having a mental conversation with oneself about the relative merits of red and green traffic lights, is not healthy for you, or other road users.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:36, Reply)
thats why i laughed
i've never taken those things cos i was brought up properly, but i thought the whole 'i believe i can fly (jump out of window)' thing was made up by grange hill and Duffy from casualty
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:37, Reply)
hahaha!
Duffy
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:39, Reply)
I've never watched Casualty because I was brought up properly and thus have no time for cretinous medical soap operas.

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:40, Reply)
its spelled casualty
you know, like ER
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:41, Reply)
Ironically 'ER' is what your Tangoed missus said when you slipped into her leopard print council boudoir
dressed like Richard Gere.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:43, Reply)
STAT!

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:46, Reply)
I never touched her!

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:13, Reply)
Medical dramas are my guilty pleasure
That, and raping the odd cat
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:41, Reply)
No, it was R Kelly.

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:49, Reply)
i don't know who your kelly is
but i hardly think she's responsible for years of televised drug lies
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:52, Reply)
Q, you are in good form this morning

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:05, Reply)
Zammo from Grange Hill was another example.
Just say no. Or, if you're from Winchester College, no thank you.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:08, Reply)
Manners makyth man.

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:09, Reply)
As does good quality powders..
How's you, you hippy trippy lol lover you?
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:13, Reply)
I appear to be empty now
so I'm filling back up again with coffee and a bacon/egg/mushroom sandwich

My stomach does not fucking rule me
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:34, Reply)
You still have 3 stomachs to fill

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:35, Reply)
Mrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:35, Reply)
Coffee is not your friend here.
Lucky you don't also smoke or you'd be posting from the khazi all day today.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:35, Reply)
I will be face down on my keyboard as I've been on't pot since 4am

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:39, Reply)
I will be on t'pot from 7pm this evening.
What a crazy world!
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:41, Reply)
lol

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:41, Reply)
Tangledupinblue's tried and tested hangover recovery system
To answer the main question and, as so many here seem to be suffering with a hangover, I offer you this:
1. try to drink a pint of water before going to bed. If you can manage to eat something too, I think this helps. If nothing else that extra time it gives you to sober up before falling asleep will take the edge off a little. Ensure you take another pint of water to have by the bed for the morning.
2. The more sleep you can achieve the less your hangover will be. The human body repairs itself while sleeping. (Since having kids I now see how important this one is)
3. Avoid caffeinated drinks. I know that a strong coffee makes you feel good temporarily, but tea and coffee are diuretics and you will dehydrate further.
4. Eat a massive breakfast. I don't care if you think you can't stomach it. Stop being a baby. This breakfast should be high in protein and fat (a fry up, of course).
5. Smoke a joint. Best. Hangover. Cure. Ever. (although don't make the mistake of thinking it is a good idea to have one before bed, Ape. You know this only makes matters worse)
6. Keep drinking water and MTFU.
EDIT (as pointed out by Nakers): 6a. Have a wank (or better still persuade someone else to take on the role of nurse and do it for you). This will release endorphins in the brain. It also feels nice.
7. You are now ready to start drinking again. Play nicely.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:47, Reply)
I would dispute point 3
regardless of how much of a diuretic something is the net gain outstrips any dehydration
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:51, Reply)
It is my belief that any gain is temporary
and that when it wears off you will feel much worse.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:54, Reply)
If I was a pedantic arse
I would suggest that drinking any fluid you will only experiance a temporary gain (otherwise you would never dehydrate at all)

But that would be me being somewhat of a prick
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:06, Reply)
Lucky you are not a prick then.

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:09, Reply)
Phew

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:10, Reply)
Whilst that's true, because point 2 is genuine, avoiding caffeine is still sound thinking.

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:55, Reply)
The 7 step plan

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:54, Reply)
needs more lucozade and wanking

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:56, Reply)
Oh how could I forget the all important wank?
Lucozade is for children and Daley Thompson though.

Edit: Original post edited to include this important step.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:59, Reply)
Daley Thompson is the only sportsmanI have ever been genuinely impressed by.
Apart from Brian Jacks, obv.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:00, Reply)
Amd Geoff Capes.

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:01, Reply)
I beat Brian Jacks at Judo.
Absolutely God's honest truth. I grabbed his lapels, swiped his leg, threw him to the floor and held him down for a count of three.

Proudest moment of my entire life. And I have been waiting for a chance to boast about it for so long!
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:02, Reply)

I was 7 and he was a friend of my judo instructer. He let me win, obviously
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:04, Reply)
scarpe
That wasn't Brian Jacks. It was a tramp at a bus stop
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:04, Reply)
You and your drunken rampages

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:04, Reply)
Course you did.

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:07, Reply)
I reluctantly added the truth too, you know.
Spoilsport.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:09, Reply)
Where IS Battered this morning?

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:59, Reply)
He needed money to catch the bus to work this morning
but he was a little short.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:10, Reply)
Does anyone know what his 'serious crime' was and wants to post it on a public messageboard
I'm going for fraud

or noncing
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:12, Reply)
I'd guess at fraud too.

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:14, Reply)
He does lie for a living, and has problems obtaining credit/ mortgages
cor this could be Sunhill station
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:15, Reply)
Most things do.

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:01, Reply)
Also get up and get out and about in the fresh air
rotting in bed is the worst idea
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:57, Reply)
this is general advice to all housewhales

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 9:59, Reply)
It is customary to smoke outside nowadays.

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:00, Reply)
I could never smoke on a hangover

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:03, Reply)
If I was forced to only pick one from this list
It would be a close call between enough sleep and smoking a joint. The joint would probably win.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:06, Reply)
i am an adult so i drink responsibly
thats a pretty good hangover cure
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:02, Reply)
for limited definitions of the word 'cure'

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:06, Reply)
your the ex alkey aren't you?
wouldn't you agree that responsible drinking was a good cure?
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:11, Reply)
I just think you are misunderstanding of the word 'cure'.
Well, and a few other things, based on this most recent post, but originally just 'cure'.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:13, Reply)
To preserve by salting, drying, or smoking.

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:18, Reply)
Well you seem to have the third one covered anyway.

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:20, Reply)
Sadly not allowed anymore

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:22, Reply)
best cure is prevention innit

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:18, Reply)
The word you are scrabbling for is 'dullard'. And I fear you are beyond any cure.

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:08, Reply)
I was going to go for
Self righteous arse, but dullard will do
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:10, Reply)
'Tedious Walter Mitty liar' also works.

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:11, Reply)

an adult so i drink responsibly not allowed alcohol after last time, when I flashed those kids.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:11, Reply)

lashed them kids ucked my 15 year old sister.

Avoiding prison really was 'Tricky'.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:12, Reply)
One of the guys who started Alcoholics anonymous did it after a massive LSD trip.

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:33, Reply)
I did not know that.

(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:34, Reply)
That's why AA has a weird spiritual element.
He was a hippy.
(, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:38, Reply)

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