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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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So a guy I know just got sacked for lying on his CV,
What's the worst lie you've ever told on a CV? Did you get caught?

ALT: What's your least favourite pizza topping that everyone else seems to love?
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:05, Reply)
I'm going to answer a different question; "What's the dumbest way of getting fired you've ever seen?"
The last place I worked IT were happily turning a blind eye to widespread use of Facebook until one of the accounts team created an FB group called "Warehouse Express is shit.com!", at her desk, on company time, USING THE COMPANY LOGO, and invited everyone in the office to join it.

She was absolutely gobsmacked when she got in trouble for it as well.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:08, Reply)
haha!
Fool
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:27, Reply)
Hahaha
What a bellend
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:34, Reply)
It gets better
She was asked to leave, came back in a couple of days later for a meeting to discuss just how utterly fucked she was, and brought her Dad with her, pretending he was a lawyer.

A lawyer who picked her up in a battered Ford Fiesta every night.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:40, Reply)
I don't really need a CV that much, I'm just like KAPLOWIE, LOOK MOTHER FUCKER AT WHAT I MADE, and they're like WOH DUDE, NARLY, LET ME INTRODUCE TO H.R

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:09, Reply)
How many job offers have you had now?

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:12, Reply)
None yet, I didn't bother doing my CV over the weekend 'cus I was doing a technical exam for a newspaper for a lead-dev role and I got distracted by my dog website.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:13, Reply)
Up to 8 recruiters though.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:14, Reply)
He's having to use them as bog roll, he's got so many.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:13, Reply)
I don't think I've ever lied on my CV
I'm so rock and roll.

Alt: Artichokes can get to absolute fuck. As can goats cheese.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:13, Reply)
My personal statement for university applications was full of lies.
Played at Twickenham, was the South London debating society champion and I played chess at a professional standard until I was sixteen. God knows why you wouldn't lie on it you'd never get pulled up.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:15, Reply)
yeah, but lies like that are totally obvious
and result in me just throwing the UCAS application into the "no offer" pile. So maybe that's why you shouldn't lie.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:18, Reply)
It worked for me init.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:20, Reply)
did you get offers from everyone you applied to?

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:21, Reply)
I did.
But then again, I didn't lie.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:23, Reply)
Dear Barry
We'd like to offer you the opportunity to fuck off.

lots of Love de Montford polytechnic
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:23, Reply)
sick burnzzz

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:24, Reply)
Alt: Egg.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:15, Reply)
Aint your cv a complete fantasy?

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:16, Reply)
Nope.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:18, Reply)
You qotwposted about telling big fibberoos re having a degree in order to score a job

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:22, Reply)
No not a degree. Not worth claiming you have when you haven't, too easy to check.
I think what I posted that in my early 20's it was a problem in my industry that I didn't have a degree, but that by about 27 I had sufficient experience that it was no longer a problem.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:27, Reply)
.... caught in a landslide, no escape from redundancy.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:25, Reply)
Ha ha.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:27, Reply)
Excellent
*click*
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:28, Reply)
:D

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:35, Reply)
No one loves that, it's sick and wrong.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:17, Reply)
Indeed.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:18, Reply)
egg on Pizza is awesome

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:21, Reply)
Sick and wrong.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:24, Reply)
Freak.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:27, Reply)
Egg, wilted spinach, olives and anchovy = win

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:31, Reply)

win copious amounts of vomit.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:31, Reply)
Hold the vomit

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:32, Reply)
*holds*
*explodes*
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:38, Reply)
I believe my CV has some talk about me being responsible and hard working,
and in some way employable.
This is an absolute cunt of a lie. But I don't think "I'm a lazy slacker looking for a free ride" is really what people want to see on CVs.

Alt: vegetables of some kind. Or meat. I like a nice margherita, me.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:16, Reply)
Margherita pizzas are like bread sandwiches

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:31, Reply)
I don't need to lie on mine
Because I am so awesome and all that
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:17, Reply)

I am so awesome and all that they are already flat
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:33, Reply)
I am dismayed by the lack of response to this pun

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:52, Reply)
That I'm motivated.
edit: Ham and pineapple. Fuck right off.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:18, Reply)
What have you got against ham>

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:20, Reply)
Not so much if it's ham and mushroom, but still there are better meat toppings.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:21, Reply)
Most meat toppings are just "ham" with different levels of salt and spices.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:23, Reply)
Chicken is a classic example of this

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:25, Reply)
That's just the shit that gets pressure hosed off a chicken carcass.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:28, Reply)
tasty, tasty centrafugal chicken

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:35, Reply)
"rotisserie"

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:36, Reply)
very good

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:38, Reply)
As is beef

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:28, Reply)
My Cv is 100% truthful...
Anchovies and pineapple shopuld be banned
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:19, Reply)
Your CV mentions anchovies and pineapple?
Do you work for Dominos?
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:20, Reply)
I invented the double decker

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:20, Reply)
Isn't that where you do a crap in the bowl and the cistern
so when the next user flushes it refills the bowl with brown goodness? I think I read that in Viz.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:37, Reply)
*replaces tasty chocolate bar in wrapper*
*vomits*
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:38, Reply)
What is a pizza "pie"?

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:22, Reply)
just another name for a pizza innit?

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:23, Reply)
oh...I assumed it was deeper than a normal pizza
or maybe encased in pastry...
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:24, Reply)
I've debugged Papa Johns, Dominos and Pizza Hut's websites into to deduce that the perfect place to get a pizza is Dominos...
... where if you order a "The Works", you can get up to 12 toppings, 24 if you go half'n'half.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:27, Reply)
shame dominoes is so ridiculously expensive.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:29, Reply)
It's more of a shame that their food is fucking disgusting.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:32, Reply)
I have never eaten Dominos pizza
More shocking facts as they happen
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:33, Reply)
You're just jealous their UK head office is in Milton keynes.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:34, Reply)
8 times out of 10 when ordering pizza, I give up after 2 hours of choosing, make the desision NOT to choose, 'cus its so complicated.
And I've never spent less than £20 on a pizza meal, which is fucking wrong considering what you get, and thats even after the discounts.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:39, Reply)
That does sort me out breakfast and lunch the next day though.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:39, Reply)
wouldn't a well thought out and complimentary set of ingredients
be better than shoving on everythig for the sake of it?
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:33, Reply)
This depends on what time of night you order one

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:35, Reply)
night?
Gonz just needs a little breakfast
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:42, Reply)
I like to have ever vegitable item and 2 meat ones, and BBQ sauce on one side and garlic on the other.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:38, Reply)
and this is why
for all his excellent food ideas, the world should never let Gonz be a chef.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:40, Reply)
With like 50% of my meals, I don't ever want two identical bites of food.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:50, Reply)
Onion has no place on a pizza.
cf tandoori chicken, Chinese chicken, chicken, minced beef, pineapple, tuna, your mum's flange etc
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:29, Reply)
OK then, Boyce
What DOES go on one?
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:30, Reply)
Spicy sausage ie pepperoni, peppers, chillies, olives, spinach, Parma ham, rocket, capers at a push, cheese, aubergine. Thatís it.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:34, Reply)
anchovy?
tomato?
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:34, Reply)
Anchovy is a legitimate option, but not tomato.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:37, Reply)
Even on the base?

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:37, Reply)
Tomato sauce, of course.
Not slices.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:39, Reply)
I did not mention sliced

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:39, Reply)
Rocket?
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:35, Reply)
You are indeed.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:36, Reply)
Rocket is excellent on pizza, EXCELLENT

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:36, Reply)
This boy is fool, he knows nothing.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:37, Reply)
This becomes more evident every day

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:40, Reply)
Fucking AUBERGINE
you massive nonce?
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:39, Reply)
I haven't done this in a little while, but I used to do it a few times a week.
- Some kind of flatbread bake for a little bit with a tray of "Mediterainian veg" chopped up thin.
- Covered on some pasta sauce out of a jar, jazzed up how you like it.
- Put the veg, a packet of mixed salami/ham/whatever and bufferlow motzerella on top of the sauce layer.... BUT IMPORTANT, every individual item needs to have exposed bits and non exposed bits. So you get crunchy bits of everything and soft bits of everything.
- Bake'n'enjoy.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:47, Reply)
Yes, I did just write a recipy just now for a fucking open sandwich, as if it was a master piece.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:50, Reply)
Onion is a valid choice,
chicken of any sort isn't or Tuna for that matter.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:33, Reply)
I never saw onion listed in Italy as a pizza topping.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:34, Reply)
It would have been listed as cipolla.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:37, Reply)
...if it were listed at all.
Pepperoni is red pepper, not sausage - that was handy to know.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:51, Reply)
I once had a pizza that had satay chicken with peanut satay sauce.
I still long for that pizza, I got it on the first week I ever worked, the company bought it, it was magnificent. There was also a place that sold these toasted wraps that were like fucking heaven.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:40, Reply)
you are Fatboyslim
AICMbrighton bumming
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:40, Reply)
Nope, though until recently my CV was over 10 years out of date
ALT:
Pepperoni. The oils make a squidgy pizza
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:30, Reply)
Pepperoni is essential you nonce

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:31, Reply)
I don't nonce so it isn't
I like pepperoni, but when the pizza only has this on, it gets too oily
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:32, Reply)
use better pepperoni
or only put in on at the last minute.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:33, Reply)
I just like more tastes on my pizza

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:34, Reply)
Including that special savory sauce that they only give to you as you're their "best customer"

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:36, Reply)
Salty, salty goodness

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:37, Reply)
Chef's special sauce

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:37, Reply)
i heard the whole shop has a "hand" in making it

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:39, Reply)
Some of them even have a foot

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:40, Reply)
You self pizza making middle class fucker.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:40, Reply)
Making pizzas is great!
A good afternoon's entertainment for the kids. Make the dough, the tomato sauce and decorate the pizzas
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:41, Reply)
See, the problem with that being ace is that it involves
a) children, b) dough and c) effort.

But apart from that, sounds fun.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:42, Reply)
Fun, tasty and cheap
What's not to like?
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:42, Reply)
Children, dough and effort...

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:43, Reply)
Anchovies and pineapple for starters


BUT WHAT ABOUT PUDDDING
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:43, Reply)
SWEETZZA

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:44, Reply)
fuck yes.
I even bought a special oven with a pizza function for the new kitchen.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:48, Reply)
As in you shove loads of logs into your oven when you cook pizza?

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:50, Reply)
I wish
as in, it has an extra bottom heating element to get the bottom of the oven very hot.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:52, Reply)
something about this sounds kinky
i'm not quite sure what.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:55, Reply)
Kroney?

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:53, Reply)
God what a nonce.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:35, Reply)
INORITE!

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:35, Reply)
Pepperoni is great.
Fave pizza is seafood though.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:48, Reply)
No lies
Although I realised only at interview that it still says I play 5 a-side football, which I haven't in about 12 years. They didn't seem to mind though.

Alt: Olives. I like them from a bowl, but not, ever, on pizza.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:39, Reply)
Olives on pizza are ace

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:40, Reply)
You precluded yourself from me taking your opinion seriously with your pepperoni nonsense.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:41, Reply)
ONLY pepperoni

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:41, Reply)
nonsense.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:42, Reply)
Improved by mushrooms, anchovies and olives

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:43, Reply)
There's no hope for you, is there?

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:43, Reply)
Not when it comes to pizzas

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:44, Reply)
SHUN THE NONBELIEVER SHUN!

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:41, Reply)
*doesn't understand*
*shuns*
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:43, Reply)
Can't remember the last time I had to do a cv.
The last job related form I had to deal with was a CRB, unfortunately you can't lie on them, because someone else does them. Still got the job though.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:46, Reply)
nah, my cv is good looking enough as it is
although the B in latin a-level that blights the row of A's and A*'s fucks me right off. oh hang on, i think i might have lied about having actually obtained the D of E award. but who gives a fuck about that anyway?

meat and olives can go and fist each other. pizza must: be thin and crispy (unless you are hungover in which case the full fat stuffed crust is acceptable) and have blue cheese and jalapenos and a metric fuck tonne of exciting vegetables on top of it. or feta. or goats cheese.

mmmmmm. PIZZA.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:46, Reply)
terrible lies
there were no A* A-level grades when you were 18.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:47, Reply)
she put the sticky gold stars on herself

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:49, Reply)
those are my GCSEs, grandad

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:49, Reply)
oh i thought your GCSEs were P, I, Z, Z & A

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:51, Reply)
and Bingo was his name-o

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:51, Reply)
i thought this said banjo and i was gonna thump your bumhole

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:56, Reply)
You smooth talking bastard

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:12, Reply)
call them O'levels then he'll understand
I SAID O LEVELS BADGER
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:51, Reply)
NURSE? NURSE?

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:51, Reply)
nurse?
ape, what are you wearing?
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:55, Reply)
a bongle and a smile

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:59, Reply)
Hmmmm.
I still call shenanigans. Are you really three years younger than me?
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:51, Reply)
how old are you again?

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:53, Reply)
Three years older than you, duh.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:54, Reply)
36.
I did my GCSEs in 1991. A* came in in 1994 I think.

I suppose I was only 15 when I did my GCSEs though so it might only be 2 years gap.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:06, Reply)
i did my gcses in 1994
we were the first a* year.

you had to suck a lot of cock to get one. these days they give them away for nothing, i believe.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:09, Reply)
I think we may have had this conversation before actually

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:21, Reply)
about cocksucking?

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:30, Reply)
well, obviously, but on this occasion I meant GCSEs and A* grades

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:34, Reply)
ah yes i remember

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:37, Reply)
Bloody didn't
A level A*s only came in a couple of years ago, or is that AS levels?
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:09, Reply)
What was that amazing pizza place you were talking about once that did some crazy shit like curry pizza.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:53, Reply)
fire and stone, fire and stone! i dragged monty there a couple of weeks ago, he agreed with me
hell's pizza for deliveries, their menu is amazing. but they won't deliver to where you are; there's one in clapham and one in she-bu and that's it.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:54, Reply)
I soo gotta check that place out, next time you drag Mont's out a culonary tour, please let me third-wheel you two =)

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:57, Reply)
haha
you are so intending to stand us up so that you can go round and shag lusty!

but yes, def.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:59, Reply)
I donno, those pizzas sure do sound good. It's 50/50 between the two.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:18, Reply)
She-bu is really near me...but it's a shit hole, and for that reason, I'm out

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:59, Reply)
you must be near me then
i can (sadly) walk to she-bu in about 15-20 mins. i can walk away from it in about 2...
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:00, Reply)
I work on the Uxbridge Road, but all the way down in Ealing

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:01, Reply)
i know it well
but it's not v near me. stalk fail!
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:03, Reply)
well you either work somewhere rather nice, or somewhere minging
if 15-20mins is your she-bu walking time
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:06, Reply)
oh no, i work in the city
i LIVE on high st kensington
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:07, Reply)
ah ok then
I went to nice little cocktail bar on HSK once, through a small door and up some stairs, there was a chap playing a grand piano
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:08, Reply)
"the piano bar" !
that place is awesome. the piano is see-through, ffs. with neon lights inside.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:11, Reply)
I think I had my 21st birthday in Henry's on HSK.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:14, Reply)
I've a Latin o level,
which is pretty useless.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:53, Reply)
i have latin gcse and latin a-level
and latin is now frowned upon in the law. fucking useless!
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:54, Reply)
Why is it frowned on?
I thought it was useful for law.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:56, Reply)
nope
it's seen as archaic.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:56, Reply)
fuckin spider pricks

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:59, Reply)
darling
i really don't get this? pls to explain?
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:00, Reply)
Archaic. Arachnid.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:02, Reply)
Arachnid/Archaic.
I expect.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:02, Reply)
it seems less funny now it's been explained...

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:07, Reply)
they should be ashamed of themselves for getting it
and you for writing it
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:08, Reply)
NEVA!

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:11, Reply)
I don't lie on my CV, not worth it
Alt: Tomato slices, olives, jalapenos, tuna.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 13:54, Reply)
Like any of you fat shut-ins need a CV.
What for? Your McJobs?

Provincial boors.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:02, Reply)
it does strike me that this pizza stuff has been the most everyone has posted in 6 months

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:04, Reply)
people mock food threads, but they are consistantly the most popular topic
fat fucks, one and all
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:04, Reply)
learn more interesting things to talk about you fat fucks!

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:07, Reply)
I'm trying quents, I might bust out my "I bottled my homebrew yesterday" annecdote.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:08, Reply)
how'd it go?

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:11, Reply)
It went well.
ANNECDOTE OVER!
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:15, Reply)
i'm bookmarking this sub thread

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:20, Reply)
we could get back to the BASH?
although i don't remember you getting a mention there. it was all about bobby's trainers.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:10, Reply)
Needs MOAR pictures

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:10, Reply)
you definitely got a mention
people seem quite fond of you, overall
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:11, Reply)
probab;ly because I'm witty and charming

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:14, Reply)
yeah
those are traits that are VERY popular
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:16, Reply)
Ah, so was it my dashing good looks? lolarious posting? Or tough guy with an heart of gold persona?

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:23, Reply)
its a shame bobby didn't come, i'd have bought him 2 pints

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:12, Reply)
One for him and one for his stomach.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:14, Reply)
well no i wouldn't want to just buy him once in case it put him off balance
and he rolled away and became a massive unstoppable mass
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:16, Reply)
i didn't see you there
were you the one who got glassed? or the one who glassed him?
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:16, Reply)
i glassed everyone cos gonz looked at my pint

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:17, Reply)
Hey swipe
how was the bash?
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:16, Reply)
Are you coming to Download yet?
BGB is going to be there.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:17, Reply)
I really wish I could
but I'm having to practice the 'can't get what you want' mode of living.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:18, Reply)
Nah, go onto WONGA.com and borrow £300, that'll cover your ticket and some beer money.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:23, Reply)
If only I was a complete moron
this would be the perfect solution. What after all, could go wrong?
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:24, Reply)
It's a real shame you couldn't come
I did try ringing to see if I could buy you lunch at least or something but the number I have for you doesn't work any more :(
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:26, Reply)
Aww sorry to have missed you
yeah I paid off that phone because it was draining my income madly, and haven't bought a new one yet.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:27, Reply)
What could go wong?

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:26, Reply)
Rapacious loan companies + no consistent income
= broken legs I imagine.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:30, Reply)
Look again please!

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:40, Reply)
lovely
but we missed you!
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:39, Reply)
Well hopefully see you in London soon-ish!

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:43, Reply)
Not everyone was as fat as I was expecting them to be.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:20, Reply)
\o/

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:24, Reply)
Now if only I'd turned up
to reinforce some preconceptions. Have a good time b3th?
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:25, Reply)
I did.
People were lovely.

And contrary to expectations, Stunned and Jeff were both very gentlemanly and walked me back to my taxi. They even made sure the driver wasn't a psychotic rapist. Though in hindsight, it might have been a bit of overkill to grab him by the throat and scream "are you chompy?"...
Shame you couldn't make it.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:29, Reply)
Yeah, and FUCKING ASTEROID MINING
gets fuck all attention.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:07, Reply)
might be easier to just change their direction to to hit the earth
add parachutes and aim it towards Siberia
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:10, Reply)
YOUR GRAVITATIONAL PULL WILL SEE TO THAT YOU FAT FUCK

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:11, Reply)
must be why your mum is stuck to my cock

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:13, Reply)
no cos that is tiny

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:14, Reply)
I don't care if your mum is a primordiol dwarf

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:17, Reply)
i dunno what primordial means but i reckon she'll have you for that

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:20, Reply)

https://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&cp=12&gs_id=z&xhr=t&q=primordial+dwarfism&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_qf.,cf.osb&wrapid=tljp1335187314680022&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=isch&source=og&sa=N&tab=wi&ei=cleVT4ujHrGS0QXA7fjbAQ&biw=976&bih=352&sei=d1eVT9K3B-ad0AXOkeQ1
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:22, Reply)
ETLL ME ABOUT THE ASTEROIDS

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:11, Reply)
One asteroid is about 200km across and made of Nickle and Iron.
It's enough Iron to cover current worldwide usage for over a million years.
And it's just sitting there being all smug and unmined.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:17, Reply)
We should send Bruce Willis

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:17, Reply)
so how are they getting to the asteroid and bringing the nickel and iron back?
i did see your link but it was ugly and i didn't want to read it
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:19, Reply)
They haven't said, they're doing a press thingy tomorrow.
Maybe they've got an idea, maybe they're just setting up a competition like the X prize, who knows?
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:21, Reply)
Just use a giant "space magnet"
Problem solved
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:23, Reply)
Magnetic raking is actually a good contender for asteroid mining. True fact.

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:25, Reply)
whoa cool
and would a magnet pick up nickel or is that just for the iron?
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:41, Reply)
No, they'd have to go BACK for the NICKEL
But thanks for reminding me
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:42, Reply)
you can fuck right off

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:42, Reply)
If they manage, they could be a ROCK star?

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:43, Reply)
I'm through with standing in lines to clubs i'll never get in

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:46, Reply)
They are so picky at Oceana's these days aren't they

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:51, Reply)
I FUCKEN LOVE OCEANEA

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:57, Reply)
It would pick up the dust and gravel that contains any magnetic metals.
so it would pick up a whole bunch of stuff mixed together but it would have an above average metal content.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:43, Reply)
yeah but nickel is only weakly magnetic at room temperature
so they're gonna need a hella strong magnet
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:46, Reply)
It's not sitting there as pure nickle, it'll be a mixture of a bunch of Ores clumped together
which may or may not be magnetic.

Also you're forgetting that this will be in extremly low gravity, which means you don't need a lot of pull to get them off the surface.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:49, Reply)
yeah your right i was just trying to be clever

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:58, Reply)
How will they get space to "room temperature"?

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:49, Reply)
Bruce WIllis

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:52, Reply)
space woks

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:58, Reply)
*London fives*

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:04, Reply)
Ealing?

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:07, Reply)
that's work, anyway it does have a London postcode
W5
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:07, Reply)
We need Jeff here, as he told my Mrs "I'm not an idiot, I'm quite senior in financial services"

(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:10, Reply)
As if the 2 were mutually exclusive.
I can just here that line in his finest bristolian accent.
(, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 14:52, Reply)

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