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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Monday, Monday (ba-da ba-da-da-da), so good to me.
Alright, Dr Wankensteins?

I might have a day off the booze today. I did myself a proper mischief on Saturday and only got through yesterday by taking naps every few hours. I got all the way from Watford to London without noticing.

Good weekend? Anything exciting coming up this week? A chum has bought me a ticket to see uber-hippies Ozric Tentacles next week: I am rather excited. I last saw them in 1989.

Alt: I read a comparative review this morning of those diet plans where they provide all your food for you. Two of them were over 50 day. I was flabbergasted. Clearly we're hardly in the grips of the economic meltdown the media would have us believe if people are spending over 350 a week for some microwave meals and a couple of fucking cereal bars. If I had 50 a day to spend on food I'd, errr, spend it all on booze and drugs. Right kids?
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:32, Reply)
I've never liked OT. Bunch of jumped up wankers.
Ozric Tentacles, on the other hand, are great.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:37, Reply)
Badum-tishhhhhhhhh
Take my wife. No, seriously, take 'er....
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:39, Reply)
It's not even 9AM yet, and you expect my best work?
You'll make do with what I can manage and be gratetful, young man.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:40, Reply)
You see, I am a 'morning person' and I get worse as the day progresses.
Sadly this really is my best work.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:46, Reply)
Ever since they changed my medication I'm not a morning person anymore. Or a night person.
it's really quite depressing.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:59, Reply)
Mid-afternoon person, eh?

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:01, Reply)
not really.
I end up having to have a nap during the day on most days. If this keeps up I'm going to have to get it changed again. I"m sleeping 12+ hours a day.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:03, Reply)
Living the dream!
quite literally...
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:26, Reply)
I suppose I should answer the question.
But you'll just think the answer is dull and bent. Wednesday is the second leg of the play off semi-final, Thursday I have the day off as I could potentially not be getting home to well after midnight, if it's extra time & pens, so screw getting up at 6 for work the next day.

Saturday I'm off to the Kapow Comic Con.


See, dull and bent.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:43, Reply)
not just dull and bent, also very very shit.
don't sell yourself short.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:47, Reply)
Neither of you has mentioned 'pathetic' either.
Don't forget 'pathetic', MMMPSPSPSM.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:49, Reply)
not only is it a 'comic con'
it's been named Kapow. Fucking hell...... just fucking hell.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:51, Reply)
I genuinely have no defence here.
Fortunately, a lifetime of alcohol abuse has removed any sense of shame I once had, so I don't care either.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:53, Reply)
keep telling yourself that as you squeeze around the fatties and drown in the heady smell of lynx trying to mask severe BO issues.
and reflect that you're now an adult and this sort of thing really is for kids.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:55, Reply)
I think I am also immune to the stench of a thousand geeks under one roof
ever since I was at Euro Disney at the same time as 'The World Gaming Championships European Final'. You could, honestly, smell that Marquee from 250 yards away.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:58, Reply)
oof! that would have been rank.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:59, Reply)
What a life you've led.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:01, Reply)
I'll be the Simpson's tie stall will be doing a roaring trade.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:53, Reply)
What's wrong with Comic Con?
I'm going to the Melbourne one in June...
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:53, Reply)
They don't have the best reputation, do t hey?
I mean, honestly, even I want to beat myself up when I am there.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:54, Reply)
I was planning as dressing up as either Kaylee from Firefly or as Amy from Doctor Who.....

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:56, Reply)
Go on...

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:56, Reply)
well all I'm saying is, it's fun! And they have cool people there, like,
Patrick Stewart and his son are BOTH going to be at the Melbourne Comic-con. And Stan Lee. And a bunch of other cool people.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:58, Reply)
hahahahahahaha yeah

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:58, Reply)
'other cool people', eh?

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:59, Reply)
You don't have to sell it to me, honestly, I love them.
I was just asking you to carry on tell me how you were going to dress as Amy from Dr Who...
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:59, Reply)
well I don't have cowboy boots, but I do have black ones.
and I figured I'd buy a cheap red scarf from an op shop, same as the skirt. and I have a denim jacket, and my hair is already dyed red so then I'm sorted.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:01, Reply)
how can you dress up as two people whose characters were just regular civilians?

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:29, Reply)
a girl at a comic con.
you know they'll all be undressing you with their eyes. You'll be down to your size 24 spiderman bra and pants in no time!
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:58, Reply)
I'd like to know what the apparent connection is with my being interested in comic-con and my weight is?

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:00, Reply)
you're a girl on the internet.
I rest my case.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:01, Reply)
And you're a guy on the internet. Presumably, you're fat, sweaty and furiously jerking off to the fact that a girl on the internet is even dignifying your shitty comments with a response.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:02, Reply)
I don't see how this disproves my original point.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:03, Reply)
My point is just because I'm a girl on the internet, does not make me fat.
Now fuck off.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:04, Reply)
but it does make you very upset for no real reason.
poor OT, so fragile.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:05, Reply)
oh WAIT!
it's because you are a fatty. soz luv, didn't mean to make you all :(((((((((
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:06, Reply)
What did I ever do to you, that you felt that you had to act like a cunt towards me?

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:07, Reply)
I wasn't, it was a light hearted jape about comic cons you took far too seriously and got all upset
because you thought I was calling you fat. I wasn't. Perhaps you should have a cuppa and calm the fuck down.

while you're at it, you might want to look up 'banter'
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:09, Reply)
Oh man, You're right. It's all me. All my fault.
None of it is you getting off on the fact you're upsetting someone.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:11, Reply)
I don't care either way. You can be as upset as you like.
pity though, seems a bit pointless to me.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:12, Reply)
Just reading this whole conversation is enough to get me wanking.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:04, Reply)
I'm getting some funny looks from the next office though.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:05, Reply)
I'm not surprised.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:06, Reply)
Yeah, wanking over fat birds always looks a bit strange.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:31, Reply)
Well it's nice to see that people are at least trying
to tackle the chronic mental retardation so prevalent in sport, by giving out some pens. That's quite heartening.

Unfortunately I suspect all they'll do with them is sniff them, though.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:48, Reply)
Are they those sniffy pens?
I used to love them as a kid.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:51, Reply)
Weekend was bleh, except for surprising my mum by catching the train to visit her.
I had the unpleasant experience today of being screamed at by an scummy bogan for "Looking at her funny". I did no such thing until she was suddenly screaming at me.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:47, Reply)
In terms of anything exciting?
No, just studying madly because exams are coming up scarily fast. AGAIN.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:49, Reply)
You met Monty's ex?

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:49, Reply)
Unless his ex appears to be a crack-addicted aboriginal then no.
just someone as equally unpleasant.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:50, Reply)
So you HAVE met her, then.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:52, Reply)
If so then I also saw your unfortunate child and her sibling.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:52, Reply)
Morning Monty, fucking hell I'm tired.
Had a rather nice day yesterday though, much tasty booze was consumed, including an absolutely fucking excellent ale, the name of which is currently escaping me. Finished off the weekend with a lovely young lady too, so I'm in a rather good mood.

Saturday night was meant to be a big night, but we didn't end up heading out until about 10:30, where we just headed to a bar, and had a few drinks, before calling time at about 1am, as everywhere that was still open at that point was either pay-to-enter, or packed, so we just headed home and carried on there. Was still an excellent night.

I've got a BBQ to look forward to in a couple of weeks, taking the day before off work to prepare for it.

EDIT: This was the ale - www.fyneales.com/ccsfiles/beeravalanche.php
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:48, Reply)
currently escaping me is a great name for an ale.
would be LOL when you were talking a piss.

"What you drinking?"
"oh, it's currently escaping me."

LOLOLOLOLOLOL
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:50, Reply)
Haha

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:52, Reply)
I might take the day off after the Ozrics,
so I can poo myself and cry without having to pretend otherwise to my colleagues.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:51, Reply)
Morning all
The weekend for me consisted of some lowbrow children's entertainment, some highbrow children's entertainment, some cooking, some alcohol and less than ideal amounts of sleep.
I am looking forward to starting baby tangle on solid food and this hopefully contributing to better sleep at night.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:53, Reply)
Sorry, wrong login - I thought this was mumsnet.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:54, Reply)
Fuck of back to...oh...

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:54, Reply)
It doesn't
soz
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:20, Reply)
Sudden alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous. I suggest reducing your consumption gradually over a few days.
Right Scarpe?
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:54, Reply)
Fuck knows.
My Doctor gave me Diazepam and I don't remember the next two days. But yes, apparently that can be the case.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:55, Reply)
What sort of mischief? Did you snap your banjo string wanking over all the girls at that party?

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:58, Reply)
There was cognac. There was beer.
In fact there was so much drinking that at one point I actually forgot to take any drugs. Schoolboy error.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:00, Reply)
bloody hell.
Who are you and what have you done with Monty?
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:04, Reply)
Interestingly strategy. Build a dependency on one substance to reduce dependency on another.
You should run the priory.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:04, Reply)
On Saturday morning I drew a picture of Paddington Bear:

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:04, Reply)
Aww that's really cool.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:05, Reply)
Well, I am really cool.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:07, Reply)
Yeah, if you ignore all the drugs, you're pretty cool.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:08, Reply)
Are you seriously trying to tell me that drugs aren't cool?

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:12, Reply)
maybe a little bit cool. But not much.
I've only ever done a little bit of weed, and that's enough for me.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:14, Reply)
is he smuggling massive drugs from peru?
is that what the package is?
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:07, Reply)
It's a marmalade sandwich YOU BLIND CUNT.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:09, Reply)
hahahaha
is it fuck.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:10, Reply)
your street drug lingo is perplexing

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:29, Reply)
You should go to comic con with your drawing skills

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:07, Reply)
He won't just go to comic con.
He'll have his own stall and everything.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:09, Reply)
Oh man, he's going to be surrounded by hot chicks dressed as Amy from Dr Who!!!

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:11, Reply)
Shit yeah.
Amy from Doctor Who has a big thing for Paddington Bear.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:11, Reply)
You gots skillz

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:08, Reply)
You got AIDZ

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:11, Reply)
From you...errr.....Z

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:17, Reply)
This week is pretty average, although on Friday I have to go and run a sports day for some povvo children
as part of my companiy'd, giving back to society initiative bullshit.

alt: it works by bankrupting you so that you can't afford to eat
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:11, Reply)
I don't need a diet plan to be broke enough to not eat.
/poor student.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:14, Reply)
Although i have just bought 3 1/2lbs of Beef Shin with which to make boeuf bourguignon
which i am excited about
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:20, Reply)
To make what, sorry?
A nice batch of NINJA bourguignon?
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:20, Reply)
boeuf bourguignon, it's says so just up there ^^

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:30, Reply)
Paddington gave the man one of his HARD STARES.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:31, Reply)
Paddington realised he couldn't give a HARD STARE even if he tried,
so instead he settled for gesturing that the man was a wanker.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:32, Reply)
fuck off fatty

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:35, Reply)


(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:21, Reply)
Fucking hell that's grim.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:22, Reply)
weljel

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:23, Reply)
I've upset someone here without even trying.
it's made me do a massive :'(

you upset people here all the time, what should I do Q?
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:24, Reply)
run with it, keep bringing it up, take it to its nth degree
make them cry sweaty fat tears of sodomite pain, and then just when they think it's over

BOMM - dead mum joke
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:26, Reply)
Who have you upset you awful and terrible bully?

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:27, Reply)
me. He made insinuations about my weight. ON THE INTERNET.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:29, Reply)
Oh shut up, lard-ass.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:31, Reply)
Oh, I might watch Stand By Me tonight.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:32, Reply)
I was thinking of 'Up In Smoke' actually.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:35, Reply)
You are the Benny king

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:35, Reply)
Oh nice

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:35, Reply)
Ha.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:37, Reply)
hahaha!
ZING!
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:38, Reply)
*sobs*
YOU'RE ALL SO FUCKING MEAN TO ME YOU GROUP OF FLATULANT SHIT-CUNTS.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:33, Reply)
Wuv woo x x

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:34, Reply)
oh, I might watch 9 1/2 weeks tonight.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:35, Reply)
Oh I might watch me giving you a good shoeing tonight.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:36, Reply)
Don't worry MMPS is Scottish so he will be so fat as to be visible from spcae

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:35, Reply)
Oi!

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:36, Reply)
i thought you were welsh?

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:36, Reply)
Fuck off!

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:37, Reply)
It's alright B3th.
I know how you feel.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:37, Reply)
squishy

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:37, Reply)
haha!

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:38, Reply)
Squishy is the BEST.
Means there are no bony bits when you hug or cuddle.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:39, Reply)
And lots of jiggling when seen from below ; )

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:40, Reply)
*google maps*
Oh wait. Yep. There he is. Taking up all of Glasgow.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:36, Reply)
I thought Scotland had it's own Millenium Dome

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:37, Reply)
DIZ IZ U A COMICS CON!!!

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:55, Reply)
Nice try, but I think I'd have to visit the tanning booths a few times to come even vaguely close to that colour.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:56, Reply)
RACIST!!!!

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:59, Reply)
We are mean to everyone, not just you
fatty
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:35, Reply)
Don't listen to them. You're great.
in fact, as Morrissey said, You're the one for me, Fatty.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:36, Reply)
lets be fair here
the heaviest ones are bound to sink to the bottom of the world

its like when you've got a bag of KFC, all the big bits sink down
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:34, Reply)
I wouldn't know.
I don't eat KFC.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:37, Reply)
just whole chickens

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:39, Reply)
nope. Vegetarian.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:39, Reply)
so pork then

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:40, Reply)
erm, only the occasional pork sausage.
but not for eating.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:42, Reply)
so your a slag?

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:44, Reply)
Yeah, love a bit of the old pork sausage.
Only one at a time though. not up for anything weird.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:45, Reply)
Ugh.
I got woken up at six o'clock by a bad dream. What an absolutely shitty way to start a Monday. And it's raining, too. My guess is the week is not going to get much better than this.

Monday Monday, my arse. I *knew* I couldn't trust that day.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:35, Reply)
YOU THINK THATS BAD
MY GFS CAT WOKE US UP AT 3AM AND 4AM AND 6AM AND THEN WE GOT UP
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:36, Reply)
Hello chaps
So. Say you had been invited to a weekend stag, but you hadn't been invited to the wedding or the reception, would you go? The stag would cost in the region of 200 quid plus spending money.

I told them to get to fuck with their stag do, but I'm feeling a little guilty.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:36, Reply)
You were right to say fuck 'em.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:36, Reply)
I would have done the same.
Mind you, I just say 'no, sorry' to stag dos as a matter of course, these days.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:37, Reply)
does your other half not like you parading around with other men and leering over scantily clad women, then?

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:38, Reply)
HAHA, no, it's funny because you forgot that he's an alcoholic
and now he has to mention his addiction to explain himself to you.

No offence Scarpe, you know i've got your back.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:39, Reply)
Yes, this^
And obviously no offence taken.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:40, Reply)
there's no such thing as being addicted to alcohol
theres just poofs and not-poofs
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:41, Reply)
Damn straight, niggah.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:42, Reply)
HAHA, that IS funny.
Cos I didn't even know he was an alcoholic and now I know one of his deepest darkest ... well maybe not secrets. But still. I know now.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:41, Reply)
Just make sure that you use this information to bully him.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:42, Reply)
Someone needs to, now Rory is no longer of this parish.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:43, Reply)
I'd offer to step up to the role,
but let's face it, I'm only sporadically posting these days. I mostly only lurk now.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:43, Reply)
This is a pretty poor first effort at bullying scarpe
You didn't make any references to his drinking or his resemblance to Peter Chapman. Rory will be turning in his grave.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:49, Reply)
I don't know who Peter Chapman is.
And Rory's not exactly someone I aspire to be.
So I am O-K with failing the first "bullying" attempt.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:51, Reply)
shut up you fat prick


/rory
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:54, Reply)
Only when you ask nicely.
You festering cluster-zit.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:55, Reply)
you are scarpe's mum, you raised an alcoholic

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:57, Reply)
Do I look like I have some sort of "time-machine" where I can go back in time, pop out a baby scarpe, then go forward in time and still be younger than him?

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:00, Reply)
yeah, your right next to that time zone line innit
so you can travel through time dead easy
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:03, Reply)
Oh, how your mind works. If only it worked like that.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:04, Reply)
evs

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:06, Reply)

But she's a girl.

I'm being bullied by a girl. That's like being bullied by...well...Rory, actually.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:52, Reply)
your mum is a fat prick

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:56, Reply)
Thank god someone else thinks so too.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:57, Reply)
i've got a stain my my trousers

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:58, Reply)
It's not mayonnaise, and I'm not touching them.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:00, Reply)
no i think it might be sauce from my spaghetti hoops

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:02, Reply)
Giving up booze is a great way to lose weight, you know...

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:42, Reply)
...and gain memory

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:43, Reply)
this is also accurate.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:47, Reply)
but do you remember this for certain?
or are you just nodding and smiling?
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:48, Reply)
STOP BULLYING POOR SCARPE!!!
Hasn't he already been through enough?
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:51, Reply)
NEVARRRRRRR!

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:52, Reply)

To paraphrase Frank Skinner, of all people,

I definitely remember. I can always remember what I did the previous night now. Nothing.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:51, Reply)
That'd be great advice if I actually drank.
At the moment I'm losing weight by not having enough money to buy food. It's working well so far.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:43, Reply)
Depends, if the wedding is only tiny, like immediate family only tiny
then you're just being a cunt, but if they are inviting everyone and just not you, then it's because you're a cunt.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:38, Reply)
It's his own brother's wedding.
He's such a CUNT.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:43, Reply)
My brother's having his reception in Bucharest.
That's the sort of jet-setting family we are, you know. His kids are goign to be half gyppo. I'm so ashamed.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:48, Reply)
I used to DJ in Bucharest.
It's an odd place.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:57, Reply)
why would someone want you at their stag, but not the wedding?
I can only assume they can't rustle up enough friends for a decent shindig
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:39, Reply)
I'm guessing the bride has chosen all the wedding guests
and the groom was just about allowed to choose his own stag guests.
I doubt Kroney will ever see the poor downtrodden sod ever again.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:41, Reply)
I wish I'd thought of saying that.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:43, Reply)
Sorry b3th, I've got you on ignore so I can't read your posts

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:45, Reply)
Or the bride is a massive racist who won't allow FRENCHIES at her wedding.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:43, Reply)
Well let's be fair, who would allow them at a wedding?

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:46, Reply)
the french?

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:49, Reply)
No. They don't have weddings. They have wed-DINGzz.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:49, Reply)
I don't know the guy all that well anymore.
I imagine what's happened is that they've booked all the spaces for the reception but he doesn't have enough mates for a decent stag.

At any event, I don't think it's fair to ask me to pay 200 notes for a weekend in Bristol if I'm not invited to the wedding.

I'm not cross about it or anything, just wondered what other people would do.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:43, Reply)
Plus, you've already been to Bristol, so you know how shit it is...

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:45, Reply)
You did right.
One can only assume the bride hates you and doesn't want to have you ruining the day. The groom is obviously pussy whipped.
Send them a botdog as a wedding gift.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:39, Reply)
To be fair, he's a very hateable man.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:44, Reply)
maybe your invite got lost in the post?

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:40, Reply)
that's a very generous theory.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:46, Reply)
Haha
Nicely put.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:48, Reply)
They could get hold of me to ask about the stag
they could get hold of me if I hadn't RSVP'd yet, which they haven't.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:49, Reply)
Just say NON!

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:55, Reply)
This week is pretty damn average
My fingers hurt from yesterday's marathon guitar session, my brain hurts from the alcohol consumed all weekend, and my neck is giving me gyp from sleeping in a strange position.
This week I'm WFH for two days, getting forecasts and project lists sorted out (yawn).
Might spend a little time car shopping IRL instead of on t'interweb. Booking restaurant for my birthday dinner (Queans in Leamington, the food is fandabbidozi and the chef's a loon!)

All in all a week of drudgery, punctuated by tedium.

Alt: 350/WEEK!! FFS, save up for 3 months and have private gastric band surgery - job done.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:41, Reply)
Wanking Fat Homos?
Not really my cup of tea.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:53, Reply)
hahahahah

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:57, Reply)
As you've used the words "fandabbidozi " and "loon"
I'm going to have to request that you delete your account and kill yourself
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:54, Reply)
Of course I will, it's only fair and right to do so.
In my defence, I am fairly ripped to the tits on painkillers and sleep lack, although that's no excuse.
I'll just nip off and put my head in the oven.*

*could take a while - it's electric.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:02, Reply)
i miss rory so much :'(

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:48, Reply)
I am sure* he misses you too.
*Probably not.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:51, Reply)
i hope he's watching voer all of us, making sure we're ok

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:51, Reply)
fri night was a total write-off for me
i am still feeling bad today.

the dietchef one reckons it's from 39 a week. i have thought about doing this, given that i usually spend more than that every night on going out. but what if it turns up and it's rank?
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:48, Reply)
you know there are always those diet plans where, y'know, YOU cook the meal yourself...

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:50, Reply)
AHAHAHAHA
This is swipey. I'm not sure she HAS a saucepan.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:54, Reply)
She's probably got expensive ones but has fuck all idea how to use them.
All the gear, no idea.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:56, Reply)
the first bit is true, the second not so much
i am a Good Cook.

i just don't do it very often.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:57, Reply)
Maarnin' mersh.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:58, Reply)
No mate, just havin' a shit.
How were the young ladies of Watford.

Did you conduct yourself with no decorum?
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:01, Reply)
Of course he did.
It's Monty.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:01, Reply)
I acted like a durrty dawg thoughout.
In nine months there will be a sudden outbreak of long-haired, smelly babies with no money, in the WD postcode bracket.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:04, Reply)
Excellent.
Did they all look up to you as a beacon of knowledge and wit?
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:13, Reply)
They looked up to me more as a man with a hammer and a visible bone-on.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:15, Reply)

b +D
of knowledge and wit
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:15, Reply)
Once again, Paddington gave the man one of his HARD STARES.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:22, Reply)
and then threw one of his shoes into the sea.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:25, Reply)
officesmirk

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:26, Reply)
I don't think that would work. This is the woman who drank during her detox but it didn't count as it was a mid point celebration of being...um...on a detox.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:56, Reply)
Oh arsewipe.
what will we do with you?
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:57, Reply)
it was vodka
vodka doesn't count, there's nothing in it. that's why it's clear!
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:00, Reply)
*shakes head at you*
we both know that's a lie.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:01, Reply)
I saw it, there was nothing in it. Just straight vodka.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:02, Reply)
this is true
oh, and a straw

and ice
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:07, Reply)
and ice has negative calories
Because your body had to burn calories to bring the drink up to body temperature once it was inside you.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:16, Reply)
that necessitates getting home before midnight
which i very seldom do!
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:56, Reply)
cus you iz a streetwalker

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:57, Reply)
that would be much more fun and less soul-destroying

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 9:59, Reply)
*takes a number*

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:02, Reply)
get in line, buddy

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:02, Reply)
*forms an orderly queue*

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:03, Reply)
make sure her ex isn't behind you

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:04, Reply)
that is not a good topic at the moment
do you want to make me cry? well? DO YOU??!
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:06, Reply)
Not really, crying people make me feel uncomfortable
*punches on arm*
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:07, Reply)
Really? I find it sexually exciting.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:09, Reply)
Salty tears of shame/disappointment/agony.
It's all good.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:10, Reply)
You are Mason Verger AICM martini made of children's tears

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:11, Reply)
lol

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:35, Reply)
I thought you'd be immune to getting dumped by now.
sadtimes :'(
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:08, Reply)
only someone who is cold and dead inside and ugly and wizened on the outside
from a lifetime of tedium and disappointment gets immune to feelings, you know.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:22, Reply)
that is such a hurtful thing to say

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:23, Reply)
True though.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:25, Reply)
i don't care, what sort of heartless person would be so cruel?

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:27, Reply)
Most of the people here on b3ta probably.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:29, Reply)
this is a sad day for the internet, and a sad day for us all
especially you, chunks
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:30, Reply)
Oi! I'm not ugly!

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:23, Reply)
yeah you always hear about those prostitues going on about how much fun it is

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:03, Reply)
compared to lawyers, you surely do

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:06, Reply)
so you're saying lawyers get paid for sex but it's worse than what prostitutes have to do?

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:07, Reply)
she's not a lawyer, she solicits

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:10, Reply)
Great weekend.
And a fun week coming up, doing stuff tomorrow and seeing Blackbird Blackbird on Thursday. They're amazing. Also I think I'm never doing drugs again. I mean I know that's a lie but I avoided anything this weekend and I feel amazing for it. Whilst my mates were continuing their antics back at a house all day and night yesterday I was out enjoying the sun eating ace food and sipping on cocktails. I'm in tip top shape this morning whereas I bet they all currently want to kill themselves. I feel quite smug.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:03, Reply)
Welcome to middle age Barry, pull up a pair of slippers and I'll pour the sherry

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:07, Reply)
Let me get you a tray so you can have your dinner on your lap whilst watching Eastenders.
With a nice cup of tea.

Next you'll be "asking" your Mrs if it's "OK" to have a beer.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:12, Reply)
Fuck you right in the face
I have not and never will watch Eastenders
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:13, Reply)
Not you, you plum.
Yung Bazza.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:14, Reply)
Boy is my face red

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:15, Reply)
Gaywad.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:09, Reply)
I know the above will never happen.
But I'm still glad I didn't touch anything. I'd be in bed wanting to kill myself right now if I did.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:13, Reply)
There is a middle path, you know.
Some drugs, and some sleep.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:16, Reply)
It's all or nothing.
Once I start I'm out for about three days. Those drugs are really moreish, you know.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:27, Reply)
I am a sprinter, not a long-distance runner.
I run out of money after about 8 hours, generally.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:35, Reply)
congrats! I see monty has managed to inspire someone here.
you might not end up like a poor tramp now.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:11, Reply)
Barry has fat reserves that can see him through several winters which should give him time to get back on his feet
Assuiming they haven't been amputated due to diabetes
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:12, Reply)
fattylolz

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:15, Reply)
Diabetes is a sudden onset thing
He woudln't have known about it until the night before and then he'd have to explain to all his mates that he wouldn't be able to come out because he "had a touch of diabetes".

Well known medical fact, this.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:16, Reply)
It worked for me.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:23, Reply)
SEE BELOW

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:23, Reply)
Everybody was *very* understanding

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:24, Reply)
I fucking wasn't.
I'm still LIVID.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:27, Reply)
I'm sorry, but the number of times this has happened to me.
could be counted on the toes of my left foot.

One.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:30, Reply)
hahahahah

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:33, Reply)
..whilst they were all waiting for him in, let's say, A BAR ON A BOAT
in, let's say, for the sake of argument, BRISTOL.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:23, Reply)
God he is such a cunt

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:24, Reply)
he too failed the old gay brizzle test

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:28, Reply)
I did Quinten
Don't laugh at me, I'm just a cunt.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:32, Reply)
This is a fantastic post

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:33, Reply)
Something told me that this would appeal to you

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:36, Reply)
Something told me that you are a bent spastic
Oh yes, it was Monty. Every day on here.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:37, Reply)
He is a one trick pony
and that trick is suck off other ponies
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:38, Reply)
Is pony porn horse porn for nonces?

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:40, Reply)
You tell me.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:40, Reply)
Their tiny hooves make my cock look bigger.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:44, Reply)
Hahahaha

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:45, Reply)
Horse nonces
like that mutton chopped cunt on channel four, he's so full of horse spunk his tears are saltier than the dead sea.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:42, Reply)
thats no way to talk about emma spencer

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:44, Reply)
i meant that butch one but i don't know her name :(

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:47, Reply)
This thread is fucking huge
I'm not reading it.

I hate you all.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:37, Reply)
Hugz4U bbz
*waggles eyebrows*
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:39, Reply)
morning phil

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:40, Reply)
I'll paraphrase:
Poppet is fat
Swipe is upset at her ex
barry didn't take drugs
Monty drew a picture of paddington bear smuggling drugs

that's it
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:40, Reply)
You were a bent spastic,
don't forget your 'contribution'.
(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:40, Reply)
i never get included

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:42, Reply)
Ignore him Quizzle, he's a fucking cunt.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:42, Reply)
it was probably on purpose to spite me

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:44, Reply)
Wouldn't surprise me.

(, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:44, Reply)

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