The Queen is popping round for a visit today
What 'hilarious' phrase would you put on a placard to try and get spotted in the background of a local news report on her visit?

Alt: Which Royal would you like to swap places with for the inevitable Channel 5 reality life swap show type thing?

Altalt: Why is Red Dwarf the best thing ever? Does anything else even come close?
( Bill Clay shoots the glass on, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:50, Reply)

Bill Clay Fucks Children.

Harry obviously

Battered is a pink dwarf.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:53, Reply)

Why pink?

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:08, Reply)

Well I've seen his picture and he is not a darkie.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:17, Reply)

Even when "home from work he goes?"

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:34, Reply)

Nah then he is just grumpie, sleepie, sneezie, wankie, stinkie, etc
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:44, Reply)

Play "It's A Kind Of Magic"
Alt:
William. Spend the day sticking it up Kate. Get Pippa round then fuck off home in the helicopter

Alt Alt:
I blame the smeg for coming close
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:57, Reply)

umm how about a placard that says 'i'm crowning'?
alt umm i'd swap with will so i could fly helicopters and spit in kate middletons face while she comes, then i'd do harry's girlfriend and make him watch so he knows who the boss is

altalt i saw a minute or two of the pilot a few weeks back, looks like it could be good, when does the series start?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:01, Reply)

Is Corby as shit as it sounds ?

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:01, Reply)

(presses trousers)

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:02, Reply)

I'm going with a resounding yes

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:02, Reply)

No wait a second it's twinned with Shijiazhuang which is is the capital and largest city of North China's Hebei province

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:04, Reply)

Oh, now that changes EVERYTHING
They had an ice-rink in the middle of the "town centre" plaza. Get this.....made out of plastic! No ice! It was like magic, I tell you
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:05, Reply)

No, it's great.

( Bill Clay shoots the glass on, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:09, Reply)

(!)

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:10, Reply)

Stop it, I'm being serious

( Bill Clay shoots the glass on, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:11, Reply)

The council offices are GRIM

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:18, Reply)

Fuck Off The Queen
Harry

Red Dwarf has its moments despite what Monty says. Marooned is a spectacular bit of British comedy. On the whole however it is utter shite and should have been cancelled after Season 3
( PhillieJoe, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:02, Reply)

Series 4, I think you'll find
Otherwise we never would have had White Hole

*awaits predictable bum jokes*
(Darth Foxtrot just doesn't see the point in sobriety, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:04, Reply)

Wait... predictable?

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:07, Reply)

shhh, lily allens on
this song is about me
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:03, Reply)

I thought that was Carly Simon?

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:04, Reply)

Premature ejac issues Q?

(Darth Foxtrot just doesn't see the point in sobriety, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:04, Reply)

When I see him cry
It makes me smile
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:05, Reply)

It could be Not Big, obv.

(Darth Foxtrot just doesn't see the point in sobriety, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:08, Reply)

*psst*
That was the only song I knew
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:08, Reply)

The Charlatan's follow up........

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:17, Reply)

only when i think of you

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:17, Reply)

"Stop getting McCartney to close your concerts, he was shit before his voice went"
Alt: Blue
(Darth Foxtrot just doesn't see the point in sobriety, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:03, Reply)

"GET YOUR REGINA OUT"

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:07, Reply)

"MY NAME IS MICHAEL FAGAN"

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:09, Reply)

*begins again*

( Bill Clay shoots the glass on, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:10, Reply)

Damn your swift keyboard fingers!
God I'm hungry
(Darth Foxtrot just doesn't see the point in sobriety, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:11, Reply)

Me too
I have roasted vegetables and nothing to have with them. Lunch fail.
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:17, Reply)

I'm reduced to snacking on fruit
FRUIT, Sporters. What about my human rights? Fucking diet
(Darth Foxtrot just doesn't see the point in sobriety, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:25, Reply)

The end of my desk is the end of the row and unlike the end of other rows has nothing on it normally
This means it is the place that birthday/back from holiday treats are left.

Today I can graze on Krispy Kremes, fudge or a Kendal Mint Cake selection.
( The Light in Chains spank me like a disobedient avocado, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:28, Reply)

I'm off to Sainsburys for some pitta breads and hummous I think
Anyone want owt?
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:35, Reply)

I'm fine thanks, I have doughnuts.

( The Light in Chains spank me like a disobedient avocado, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:41, Reply)

Darth and a fruit? Insert joke here.

(DOZERTRON! Baseball!, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 12:38, Reply)

I HAVE HAIR UPON MY CHIN AGAIN

(Darth Foxtrot just doesn't see the point in sobriety, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:11, Reply)

yeah SOME BLOKES PUBES
cos your gay and taht
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:20, Reply)

Something like this.

( Battered Nobody wants to buy your drugs here Louis, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:10, Reply)

Is that your placard at the bottom right?

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:16, Reply)

Even if it is Sir Patrick Steward I don't think he belongs to anyone

(J.J.Abrams something something lens flare, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:56, Reply)

'Down with this sort of thing'.
Alt: one of the Corgis.

Alt alt: whatyoutalkingaboutwillis?
( Big-girl's-blouse is one quarter gyppo it seems, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:21, Reply)

aw man, even quinten threads aren't this dead
poor Bill Clay
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:41, Reply)

if this really *is* a thread

( The Light in Chains spank me like a disobedient avocado, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:42, Reply)

"I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure"
l.o.l
(PsychoChomp Nakkers, btw I'm probably calling you a cunt, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:44, Reply)

i used to be a werewolf
but i'm alright noooooooooOOOOOOoooooooooooooow
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:45, Reply)

I used to be an Adventurer, but then i got an arrow in the knee.

(PsychoChomp Nakkers, btw I'm probably calling you a cunt, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:47, Reply)

i used to be a hypochondriac
but then i got terminal cancer
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:47, Reply)

i used to think i was a pair of curtains
but i pulled myself together
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:47, Reply)

I did a "minimalist management" course
It lead to a degree.
( The Light in Chains spank me like a disobedient avocado, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 11:57, Reply)

This is good stuff right here people

( The Light in Chains spank me like a disobedient avocado, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 12:26, Reply)

What a shit thread
Have a link mashable.com/2012/06/12/sweden-twitter/
( Bill Clay shoots the glass on, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 12:01, Reply)

hahaha
'hungry gay with AIDs'
'sometimes i just look at my children and think about the time they had my vagina around their necks'
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 12:06, Reply)

the vagina one was my favourite
Well done Sweden.
( The Light in Chains spank me like a disobedient avocado, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 12:31, Reply)

I like her.
She can be my friend.
( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 12:32, Reply)

I would never do something like that as I consider that to be a little disrespectful, and also shit.
Alt: Shut up, 'Bill Clay'

Alt alt: There are many equally-valid reasons. Here are just a tiny smattering of them:

1. The plotlines are CRAZY!!! I like the one in series 298333 when they all assume each other's personalities!!!! Or the one where there's a parallel universe in which everything's a bit different!!! And the one where they say 'smeg' a lot!!! IT'S RUDE - THEY SAY 'SMEG'!!!!!!!!! I BET CRAIG CHARLES HAS A 'SMEG' FRIDGE!!!LOL!!!!!

2. The actors are competent and extremely likeable and would never be COCAINE CRAZED RAPISTS or TAXI-WANKING CRACKHEADS. No way. Or in the 'Fawlty Towers of the 80s', 'The Brittas Empire'. The one from 'Scrapheap Challenge' is still playing that spastic robot character even though he's on Scrapheap Challenge - this in no way suggests he puts the 'pony' into 'one trick pony'. No way. And that bent cat one is DEFINITELY not a complete cunt, either.

3. SMEG - THEY SAY SMEG!!!!!! IT'S RUDE!!!!!!

I could go on.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Wed 13 Jun 2012, 12:09, Reply)

lol - please do

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 12:14, Reply)

No, you shut up
So what's your favourite episode?
( Bill Clay shoots the glass on, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 12:15, Reply)

OH MAN IT'S SO HARD TO CHOOSE.
I'm going to go with the one where they ALL GO BACK IN TIME - and then say 'SMEGGING SMEG'!!! Me and the others guys in the 'crazy gang' (or, 'IT' and you 'muggles' call us!!!!) were talking about this last week during Warhammer. Brian had just rolled his 20-sided dice and hit my new Pratchett book - and he said 'smegging hell'!! It was brilliant.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Wed 13 Jun 2012, 12:20, Reply)

remember that time when your ex's vagina was around your daughter's neck?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 12:23, Reply)

Hahaha 5am vagina lol Barry

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Wed 13 Jun 2012, 12:25, Reply)

COUCH RAPE

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 12:28, Reply)

Oooh, is there a new Pratchett book?
*raids Darth Vader piggy bank*
( Bill Clay shoots the glass on, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 12:25, Reply)

I don't think Fake ApeIoverage wrote any shit books

( PhillieJoe, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 12:33, Reply)

He doesn't think Pakistani men work very hard
but he respects their women
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 12:35, Reply)

Some of them are quite efficient.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Wed 13 Jun 2012, 12:37, Reply)

hello darling
re: our texts - i can do mon/tue next week, at your leisure!
( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 12:42, Reply)

either will be fine for me I expect.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Wed 13 Jun 2012, 12:55, Reply)

grand! just text me over the weekend then, innit x

( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 12:56, Reply)

Splendid.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Wed 13 Jun 2012, 12:57, Reply)

alt: andrew
then i could delete his account and kill hisself.

fucking fucking fucking cunt car alarm went off underneath my window ALL NIGHT last night. i think i slept about 20 mins in total. i am like a zombie today. a zombie with tinnitus.

when i came out, about 5 people had stuck angry notes on the windscreen. i hope the owner dies in a fire. together with his porsche cayenne, which is totally UNNECESSARY in kensington.
( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 12:41, Reply)

you 'came out'?
Swipe is a lezzer LOL
(DOZERTRON! Baseball!, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 12:45, Reply)

oh, you like that image, don't you?
you disgusting dirty bastard
( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 12:48, Reply)

Actually, I find girl on girl porn really boring.

(DOZERTRON! Baseball!, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 12:49, Reply)

Not enough cock in it for you, eh?

( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 12:58, Reply)

Kind of.
But not in a bent way. MFF is fine, but girl on girl is just a bit meh.
(DOZERTRON! Baseball!, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 13:00, Reply)

I feel much closer to you after that clarification.

(Set your faces to Stunned. Bon viveur, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 13:09, Reply)

Turns out he can't get bongle
without a nob on screen, Stunned. Seems like there should be a joke in there somewhere, but I can't quite get a grip on it.
( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 13:19, Reply)

It's because we are a massive bender.

(DOZERTRON! Baseball!, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 13:24, Reply)

You should have (of) keyed the fucker!

(Set your faces to Stunned. Bon viveur, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 12:59, Reply)

Never mind a note, I'd have left a nice Richard on his windscreen.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 13 Jun 2012, 13:10, Reply)

Madeley?
He seems quite nice.
( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 13:12, Reply)

who deleted?

(DOZERTRON! Baseball!, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 13:05, Reply)

Bert

( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 13:06, Reply)

The bastard!

(J.J.Abrams something something lens flare, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 13:07, Reply)

The bastard!

(DOZERTRON! Baseball!, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 13:14, Reply)

That in-depth Red Dwarf discussion has gone.
Fingers point at Bill Clay if, indeed, that is his real name.
( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 13:18, Reply)

Bill Clay, eh? Lets get him!
The fucker will rue the day!
(J.J.Abrams something something lens flare, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 13:21, Reply)

If I may be so bold as to quote Natural Born Killers,
I say let's go for it.

*Forkboy*
(DOZERTRON! Baseball!, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 13:26, Reply)

You're a very handsome man by the way.
But a little on the short side.
(DOZERTRON! Baseball!, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 13:29, Reply)