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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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God I love filling in job application forms.
I'm working on three at the moment. I love it when I see a job to apply for and it's 'submit your CV and a covering letter' it's like getting to school and being sent home because the pipes have burst.

What do you love doing (apart from MM)?

Alt: Chris Tarrant's had a mini-stroke. What would you write in his get well soon card?
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 12 Mar 2014, 13:53, 223 replies, latest was 10 years ago)
Is that your final attempt at wiping your own arse

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 13:54, Reply)
What do you do that requires filling in an application form?
I haven't done one of those since I was applying to shops.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 13:59, Reply)
For the last 14 years or so, economic development.
Public sector bodies / quangos / development companies tend not to accept CVs, although there is one up the road that does. It's all about demonstrating competencies, "I came across this problem and I did this to rectify it and this was the outcome" bollocks.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:03, Reply)
Sounds shit.
I fucking hated application forms.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:07, Reply)
It really, really is.
This one's not actually too bad as it's not asking for a complete run down of all the duties I did in each job I've held, but I'm looking at the 'blurb' bit and nothing is flowing very readily. I might give it up for a bit tbh, I've got until Monday to finish it.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:11, Reply)
surely by now you have a whole raft of ready prepared answers stored somewhere that you can tweak adn enter?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:13, Reply)
I do but this particular one wants each bit on the person spec addressed.
I kind of know what I want to write but the words just aren't flowing. Might work on the basics of application number 2 for now.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:15, Reply)

a whole raft of ready prepared answers

YM
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:15, Reply)
Also, last week
I filled one in that had to be hand written, ffs. It was 2 sides of badly photocopied questions, with about 3 square centimetres each of space in which to write about your job history as long as you hadn't held any more than 4 jobs in your life because that's the total number of lines you were given, and didn't ask for any detail bar name, address, work history, qualifications, can you drive and do you have a criminal record?
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:08, Reply)
I hope he's used up all his lifelines

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:02, Reply)
alt: Hope you soon have 50/50 use of your face back

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:02, Reply)
......but we don't want to give you that

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:04, Reply)
Why do you like filling them in?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:04, Reply)
I don't really.
The sun is shining outside and I'd rather be out with the dog tbh.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:05, Reply)
poor tourettes

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:06, Reply)
She's at work, you cheeky ape.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:09, Reply)
Could you not combine this and sit in the garden to do them?

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:08, Reply)
Not got a laptop.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:09, Reply)
eh?
I didn't know they even still made desktop computers
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:15, Reply)
We've still got a bakelight radio in our house.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:16, Reply)
I bet your bog is in a shed at the bottom of the garden an all

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:18, Reply)
Bog? We just shit out of the window, mate.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:20, Reply)
Mine's a desktop. I like old things.
Hence banging your mum.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:20, Reply)
watching Critters for the first time in about 20 years
Alt: dear chris, we're all thinking of you and can't wait to see you fit and well. Lots of love, TH and all the girls at work x
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:06, Reply)
It hasn't aged well.

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:07, Reply)
no
But then so few of us have
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:07, Reply)
*ahem*?

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:08, Reply)
Ha! Unlucky, I'm getting better.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:09, Reply)
^^^was a really ugly child

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:13, Reply)
I was a good looking child, but it went to total shit in my teenage.
I'm only really growing into my looks now. It's a common trait in my mum's side of the family.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:18, Reply)
shame your eyesight is failing at such a rate that you'll soon no longer be able to se yourself in the miror

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:28, Reply)
And that he is turning into his mum

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:30, Reply)
My mum would make a very handsome man. SO THERE.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:31, Reply)
she has the cock for it

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:55, Reply)
I'll have to do that face touching thing other blind people do

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:30, Reply)
good job your cock is on your forehead then innit
you'll literally be wanking ove yourself
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:31, Reply)
long story short, keeps pissing in his own mouth

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:34, Reply)
Good job I rarely leave the house.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:36, Reply)
I always thought one of the aliens in that looked like Roland Orzibawhatsit from Tears for Fears

(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:16, Reply)
It's good, but it's not right

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:06, Reply)
being gay?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:07, Reply)
ask YD

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:07, Reply)
Alt: Dear Chris, I guess it's lucky they canned your show so this didn't happen on air, right?

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:08, Reply)
alt: get fucked

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:11, Reply)
Succinct and effective.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:12, Reply)
like my impregnating technique

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:14, Reply)
"short, clear and concise"

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:17, Reply)
"Mercifully brief" - Mrs Ape

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:18, Reply)
"A moment of wild flailing akin to Tarrant's mini stroke"

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:19, Reply)
"long periods of boredom punctuated by moments of sheer terror"

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:24, Reply)
lol

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:26, Reply)
"like being innoculated"

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:26, Reply)
"I didn't feel a thing"

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:32, Reply)
"A long and expensive build-up, flattered to deceive, over far too soon"

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:33, Reply)
"similar in scope and effort to cleaning a sea bird caught in an oil slick"

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:35, Reply)

cleaning a seabird caught in an oil slick

painting the inside of a dead Sarlacc with a Q-tip
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:38, Reply)
Can I just say right here and this isn't aimed just at you lokkers you ham handed freak
but I think we are all done with the Sarlacc comparison, shall we try some originality eh?

also star wars/trek is shit
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:40, Reply)
i broke OT by asking for originality
*sigh*
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:47, Reply)
I've got a Star Wars t shirt.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:49, Reply)
is it comedic?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:49, Reply)
No.
They never are, but this one is at least not trying to be.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:53, Reply)
I have Stormtroopers crossing the zebra crossing like The Beatles at Abbey Road.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:29, Reply)

Stormtroopers crossing the zebra crossing like The Beatles at Abbey Road

AIDS
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:29, Reply)
TOWER BURGER!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:30, Reply)
ORSUM!

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:29, Reply)
Innit, bruv.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:31, Reply)
OK, replace it with "Kimberley Diamond Mine"

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:57, Reply)
"He said 'you'll feel a small prick'. He lied. I didn't"

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:36, Reply)
" it was like trying to push toothpaste back into the tube"

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:38, Reply)
5 seconds of pleasure that you'll be paying for over the next 50 years?

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:52, Reply)

of pleasure
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:18, Reply)
I love doing as little as possible and I'm only getting lazier as I get older
I can't even be bothered speaking to people most of the time, especially if it's just for the sake of filling the silence. Just give me the silence and stop wittering on about how many chin ups you did last night you cunt.

Alt: I quite like The Italian Job but not that much.
(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:22, Reply)
I like drinking nice wine, cooking, watching stuff and wandering.
My CV needs updating like. Not done it for ages.
Job hunting is a bastard but it's easier now than it used to be.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:28, Reply)
i heard you spent an hour watching the carton of orange juice because it said "concentrate" on the side

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:30, Reply)
I saw a loaf of bread the other day that reminded me of Jason, but then I realised it had 'thick cut' on the side instead.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:32, Reply)
HAHAHAHAHA!

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:33, Reply)
Oh I say, knocked straight out the park.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:37, Reply)
officelol

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:38, Reply)
Click

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:28, Reply)
He spent a whole day with a piece of A4 someone wrote "PTO" on both sides of.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:32, Reply)
Penis to orifice?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:33, Reply)
If you like.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:34, Reply)
\o/

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:35, Reply)
And then the next day someone told him what it stood for

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:49, Reply)
alright Drimble?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:51, Reply)
legal training contract ones are dreadful
because you have to do so many at the same time when you're looking for a training contract. it must be better now they're all online, as you can save and come back to them, but when I was applying, most of them were still paper applications, and MY GOD it was feckin tedious.

alt: alton towers/rollercoasters. fucking love them.

altalt: you're doing better than bob crow.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 14:57, Reply)
I had to fill in a paper one last week.
I think I've forgotten how to write :(
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:26, Reply)
this might be why you struggle to find permanent employment

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:30, Reply)
Har har har.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:31, Reply)
I had to do an application for a French company last year
They insisted it be handwritten. I asked why. They (eventually) admitted that they used.......wait for it......a fucking graphologist as part of the selection process FFS!
I told them I wasn't interested.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:42, Reply)
Not uncommon in frenchland

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:53, Reply)
a graphologist would asertain from my writing that I am a 4 year old with learning difficulties and broken fingers

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:54, Reply)
A graphologist would ascertain precisely fuck all from my handwriting
Had to learn to write again-twice, broke all my fingers several times, ditto for the wrists and arms. Plus the fact that graphology is utter fetid dog smegma
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:08, Reply)
+ typing and grammar

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:11, Reply)
RHUBARB!
Legal training contracts are no different to any other sort of professional's application form.

This one time, at lawyer camp!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:27, Reply)
LOOK STUNNED, SHE JUST WANTED TO REMIND US THAT SHE'S A LAWYER, OK?
JUST IN CASE WE FORGOT, OR SUMMAT.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:34, Reply)
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
THIS ONE TIME, AT LAWYER CAMP, I STUCK A FLUTE UP MY PUSSY.

We get it. OK. Bigger. Better. More.

Altius. Sitius. Fortius.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:38, Reply)
Stop pussy-flutin' around!

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:41, Reply)
Ho-ho!
Did lawyer she lawyer mention lawyer that lawyer she's lawyer a lawyer lawyer?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:43, Reply)
Would this make her a (musical) notary?

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:46, Reply)
I KNOW THAT, YOU MUPPET
it's just that you have to send off about 100 of the bloody things, because they are all AT THE SAME TIME and EVERYONE IS APPLYING FOR THEM AT THE SAME TIME.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:46, Reply)
This one time...............

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:57, Reply)
Alt: I hope you'll be Ooooooooooooooo-Kaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy soon.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:08, Reply)
Haha.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:10, Reply)
If you were a biscuit, what sort of biscuit would you be?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:24, Reply)

hobnob
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:25, Reply)
You love it wiv choclit on you dirrrrty caaaahnt.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:27, Reply)
Nice

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:28, Reply)
You'd be a fairy cake surely.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:29, Reply)
You'd be an air biscuit

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:30, Reply)
He'd be a Club (foot)

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:30, Reply)
hahahaha

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:32, Reply)
oh bravo

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:42, Reply)
crumbs!

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:30, Reply)
Shortbread

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:32, Reply)
with a dense topping

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:33, Reply)
I say, that's a bit rich (tea)

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:34, Reply)
*Proffers Finger (Cadburys)*

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:36, Reply)
I heard you like your 'party ring' to be 'iced'
BY MEN
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:37, Reply)
I heard you like to have your muffin buttered.
BY TRANNIES.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:42, Reply)
I heard you like your chocolate spread.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:44, Reply)
I heard you JAM your cock up rangas arses.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:48, Reply)
They like a cream filling.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:51, Reply)
^^prefers a chunky kitkat

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:37, Reply)
Swipe - Jaffa cake
Jaysum - pink wafer
Kroney - lady fingers
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:36, Reply)

pink wafer chocolate finger
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:39, Reply)
+ of fudge

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:42, Reply)
a finger of fudge is just enough to give jason a treat

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:43, Reply)
Apparently it's 'just enough to give your kids a treat'
paedos eh?
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:43, Reply)
get your own schtick

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:43, Reply)
You two have been gone for a while, and then you both suddenly turn up again together...

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:44, Reply)
i have my own schtick, sometimes i put it in your schmouth

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:45, Reply)
*bites*

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:45, Reply)

Jaffa cake Ginger Nuts
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:47, Reply)
fucking blue riband

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:40, Reply)
one of those heart shaped shortbread ones from the waitrose deli that are covered in icing and sweeties and a sugar mouse
a pink one

www.waitrose.com/shop/ProductView-10317-10001-63760-Sugar+mouse+biscuit#.UyCAyp1FDcs
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:43, Reply)
Lawyer shaped shortbread?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:44, Reply)
why would anyone buy a biscuit shaped like a cunt?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:46, Reply)
you mean a "cake"

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:44, Reply)
no
see above
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:45, Reply)
Probably something stale & bitter.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:45, Reply)
ships biscuit circa Waterloo

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:47, Reply)
Nah, I'm not riddled with weevils.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:48, Reply)
compared to your 6" 3' brother you are the lesser of two weevils

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:50, Reply)
I thought this was quite good.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:56, Reply)
thanks
now don't read my reply to you below
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:58, Reply)
Too late.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:58, Reply)
Too late.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:58, Reply)
Motorhead lols

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:00, Reply)
officegroan

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:58, Reply)
STOP WANKING INTO THE FILING CABINET

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:59, Reply)
It's OK, it's under "S"

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:01, Reply)
there's a fancy swedish sweet shop in covent garden
my friend and I popped in there last night because she wanted pic'n'mix for Coriolanus. she said they were lovely (including the hilariously named bumlings. I only took one. omg omg omg I picked the ONE bitter salty thing that she got, and I nearly threw up right there on longacre :(

anyway, that's you, that is.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:50, Reply)
You are a fucking idiot.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:55, Reply)

sugarsin.co.uk/
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:55, Reply)
A soggy one.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:56, Reply)
Keep going DG, it's a numbers game.
I love long hot afternoons with good food, music and friends. The type of days that slide slowly into drunken oblivion.
Alt: die soon, scumbag
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:38, Reply)
did he finger you back stage at crack jack or summit?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:39, Reply)
Nash
He'll just get so many sycophantic ones that a nasty one would be fun.
Maybe
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:43, Reply)
I was involved in a trial central recruitment program for a pub chain once,
Getting "candidates" to make a dress out of bin bags and stuff while we "assessed their suitability for the brand" proper fucking cock wash that was. We need part time bar staff, not dicks.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:55, Reply)
"cockwash"
hahahahaha
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:57, Reply)
Alright stunner,

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:58, Reply)
Roight, mersh.
All well in Piggistan?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:59, Reply)
It's pretty sweet,
On the way home which is nice. Although getting out of London is taking a while.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:03, Reply)
London traffic is an arse ache.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:06, Reply)
I'm on a train of all things, cos the van is in Hillingdon, and the train from Kings Cross is taking forever.
Which is a Ballache as I will probably get stuck on the m40 as well.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:11, Reply)
Do you get paid for your time?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:12, Reply)
Yeah, first half hour and last half hour of whatever travel I do is not paid, everything above that, van or train, is paid.
Which isn't too bad.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:14, Reply)
Getting paid to commute ain't bad at all.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:15, Reply)
Yeah, it's nice that if I get stuck in traffic it all goes in as over time.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:16, Reply)
He's not another one is he?
What is it with these paki farm animals?
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:06, Reply)
well they already had you didn't they

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:57, Reply)
:(

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:57, Reply)
I SAID DON'T READ IT
NOW I FEEL BAD YOU SELFISH DICK
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:58, Reply)
LEAVE ME ALONE!

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 12 Mar 2014, 15:58, Reply)
i once got turned down for a job in a pet shop
despite being the most awesome person ever at the candidate torture session when it came to putting hamster cages together
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:01, Reply)
did you eat some of the livestock?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:02, Reply)
the thing about tropical fish
is they always just look like they'd taste nice, kinda fruity, you know
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:03, Reply)
Did you get caught with your hand in the Trill?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:02, Reply)
ding ding!
excellent work, stunned
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:03, Reply)
1978 called, asking for their 'joke' back.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:05, Reply)
That's why they had your number and not mine.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:07, Reply)
Bob Monkhouse phoned. You can fucking well keep that one.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:08, Reply)
Haha

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:11, Reply)
You can't argue with a classic.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:11, Reply)
meh, my friend volunteered in a pet shop when we did d of e
was left alone for 10 mins, managed to kill a canary, after leaping around the shop trying to catch it in a net.

and got it stuck between the glass of the window and the display. thereby displaying a canary corpse to everyone who walked past.

she did not pass this part of the course.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:22, Reply)
I hate group interviews. I had one for Virgin record stores ( I know, that old)
Horrid, team building acting exercises and shit like that.
FFS, all that training to show people where cd's are.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:02, Reply)
This was the problem,
The sort of people that shine in team building events are the sort of people I'd like to throttle. C
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:04, Reply)
Do the "trust fall" and walk away.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:05, Reply)
with the obvious exception of those
who ditch the team and show off their hamster cage building skillz, right? right?
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:05, Reply)
*pages Dozer*

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:12, Reply)
I like ballet, I am going tonight
the only downside is that after today I can no longer say that the last time I went to the ballet was in st petersberg
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:02, Reply)
Yet you still managed it.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:03, Reply)
it's not after today yet

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:03, Reply)
I SAW BALLET IN ST PETERSBURG ONCE TOO.
by which I mean we drank with some Street kids and one of the girls danced a bit.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:05, Reply)
did they do street dancing?
that type of dancing is in no way annoying
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:07, Reply)
fire twirling backpackers on far flung beaches aren't annoying either.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:08, Reply)
I have a "friend" that does that.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:09, Reply)
I like watching them burn themselves.
And then not helping them into the water.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:10, Reply)
No, she just sort of drunkenly wiggled about somewhat rhythmically,
I think she liked my brother, but he vomited on his shoes just after midnight and we went back to the hotel.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:08, Reply)
just after midnight?
so had it been kept in until that point by the magic of his fairy godmother? Did your 2CV turn back into a turnip, too?
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:10, Reply)
Yeah, like I said, ballet.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:12, Reply)
Good night the b3tas.
See you tomorrow, probably - assuming I don't kill myself, or get run over or something.
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:45, Reply)
*fingers crossed*
Not telling you what for.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:49, Reply)
That you don't get AIDS from your hideous sexual practices?

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:51, Reply)
put something on the end of it, you filthy deviant!

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:56, Reply)
You do. Another bloke.
Now who's the deviant?!11!
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:57, Reply)
YD

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:57, Reply)
It's not impossible. I have no idea what he's up to in that coffin.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:58, Reply)
I thought he smelt off

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 17:02, Reply)
Ask him where he left the insurance policies.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 12 Mar 2014, 17:11, Reply)
He said he's dead and can't talk with his mouth full.

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 17:15, Reply)
Well he clearly can't have had your cock in it then.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 12 Mar 2014, 17:19, Reply)
tart.

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 17:21, Reply)

hideous ungodly
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:56, Reply)
If God hates gays, why did he make us so fabulous?

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:57, Reply)
You are Satan's handiwork my boy, and no mistake.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:59, Reply)
*sips gin*

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 17:01, Reply)
^ tggi

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 17:02, Reply)
\o/

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 12 Mar 2014, 17:11, Reply)
My job interview was great for a bar stint I did at college.
'You're in here every fucking day, do you want a job?'
'Ok, ta'
Excellent.
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:54, Reply)
^ alcohol dependent GP

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:57, Reply)
Explains the shit handwriting at least.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 12 Mar 2014, 16:57, Reply)

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