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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Karaoke. Have you ever indulged?
Asked a few in the pub what sort of evening entertainment they'd like and this came up. Personally, I'd rather pull my own teeth.
Alt, what do you like about your local pub, assuming you have one?
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 11:40, 174 replies, latest was 10 years ago)
Rubbish. For desperate attention seeking wannabe cunts.
I suggest russian roulette for your new regulars as entertainment.

Alt: that you get a free stab vest on entry.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 11:43, Reply)
Yeah a few times
Have to be VERY drunk though

My most local of locals is OK. Proper bloke pub. My most usual drinking establishment has fucking good beer, its quiet so you can talk and within staggering distance
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 11:44, Reply)
"quiet so you can talk"
You've given up, man.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 11:46, Reply)
Quiet so you can't dribble over a perky pair of tits unnoticed, he means.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 11:47, Reply)
There are no perky tits left in the NE
chips and breezer have put pay to that
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 11:59, Reply)
This makes me sad.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 11:59, Reply)
Its ok
as long as you don't live there.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:00, Reply)
tggi^

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:05, Reply)
Nah, really noisy pubs are shit

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:04, Reply)
I like my local as it's on the corner of my road, and they have now stopped doing karaoke

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 11:45, Reply)
No I fucking haven't.
God's sake.

My local's The Bollo in W4. It's nice, but occasionally fills up with cunts.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 11:45, Reply)
like when you turn up
ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha breath ahahahahahahaha
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:03, Reply)
Well, that was rude.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:05, Reply)
Soz

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:11, Reply)
I DUN A PISS ON A EMPTY ORCHESTRA LOL

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 11:49, Reply)
Karaoke should be in the same criminal category as rape.
Alt: it's nice and chilled out, "gentrified", and generally scum-free these days.

It's accused of being hip, but I'd rather hipsters than smackhead chavs.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 11:50, Reply)
Course I have.
alt. One of the bars I used to work in was so much fun. Always had charity nights, entertainment, fancy dress, loads of drag acts etc. It was just a jovial place to be.
That being said during the day and mid week it was full of waifs and strays and partial to the odd fight.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 11:51, Reply)
What's your big number?

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 11:52, Reply)
17

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 11:54, Reply)
Temptation

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 11:55, Reply)
haha

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 11:59, Reply)
Dunno, I don't limit myself to one song. Kaiser Chiefs, The Killers, Elton John, Keane, Erasure, Pulp, Green Day
Loads, man.
I do love a good duet too but the girl hs to be able to sing
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 11:54, Reply)
You need a Dolly to your Kenny, eh?

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:13, Reply)
A Kiki to your Elton?

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:21, Reply)
A Renée to your Renato?

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:22, Reply)
hahaha

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:25, Reply)
Ok, ok, we get it.
I like doing Nothing's Gonna stop Us Now :(
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:26, Reply)
A Grace Slick to your Mickey Thomas?
Nice.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:30, Reply)
Oh, songs.
I thought you were asking him an unsolicited and personal question.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 11:56, Reply)
I was.
I have no interest in karaoke.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 11:57, Reply)
probably about 43 when I was 19.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 11:58, Reply)
My own is relatively low.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 11:59, Reply)
4?

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:04, Reply)
no

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:06, Reply)
3?

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:12, Reply)
0

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:12, Reply)
ding dong

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:19, Reply)
im not sure what he's asking to be honest.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:04, Reply)
Number of unique penetrations

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:05, Reply)
Pass. Go to the next one.
Wait, what are we doing?
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:17, Reply)
alt: it sells good beer and has a massive beer garden
Also just been renovated and it's doing really well.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 11:54, Reply)
More lies.
I suppose you like to take "Mrs Dozer" for a quiet drink there, eh?
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 11:56, Reply)
he has to sit down carefully so she doesn't escape

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:00, Reply)
I take her everywhere.
She is of course a mere figment of my imagination.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:06, Reply)
Ah, the old 'imaginary girlfriend' meme of 2007, God man, get some new material.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:08, Reply)
yes*




*no
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:12, Reply)
lols

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:18, Reply)
Never indulged in Karaoke and I now scrupulously avoid it - and the places it's perpetrated
The ones that say it's a great idea are (in my experience) the wannabe singers who take it all far too seriously, the rest who 'might have a go' have to be pissed as a tramp's mattress before they'll get on the mic - and then they don't know the words/tune/key/tempo and make a fucking hash of it.
Alt: My closest pub is 80m away and I've been in there three times. It's a 'Flaming grill' and is dead after 9:30 ish. The pub I like most has a lounge and a bar. No kids in the bar, no swearing in the lounge. It serves good cheap food and good beer. Locals are friendly and the staff know everyone's name.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 11:55, Reply)
Making your way in the world today takes everything you got....

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 11:59, Reply)
You want to be where everybody bums your frame.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:11, Reply)
and you're always glad they came

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:12, Reply)
Hiding penis is your game
OO ooo ooooooooo
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:12, Reply)
*gets 'woody'*

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:13, Reply)
BOOM! THAT'S internet, right there.
All day, baby. All day.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:20, Reply)
*high fives*

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:21, Reply)
We've done something quite special here today, well done everyone.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:25, Reply)
singstar with friends is good fun
karaoke is shite.

alt: mine is good for food. but it's not what i consider an amazing pub other than that. an amazing pub should have a sunny garden in the summer and log fires in the winter, be busy but not rammed with cunts, and have a good range of vodkas.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:01, Reply)
As someone who did a pointless degree in "performing arts" of course I have done karaoke
But now as a pretend grown up I cant abide it, I think a few years of living near enough to a pub that every Saturday you could hear someone whining through Angels or my heart will go on would do that to even its most ardent fan.

Alt, local pub is a great village pub with a wide selection of fine ales and £2.50 a pint.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:03, Reply)
"angels" may be the worst song ever
EVER
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:12, Reply)
I used to teach guitar to a teenage girl, this was one of the songs she requested when I asked her if there were any particular ones she wanted to learn.
Others included songs by McFly and Busted and the theme from Friends.
I don't teach guitar any more.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:16, Reply)
Tangles Fixed It for youuuuuuuu

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:16, Reply)
I dunno, 'Teenage Dirtbag' is a strong contender.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:16, Reply)
Stacy's Mom

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:16, Reply)
^tggigo

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:17, Reply)
HA HA SHUT UP

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:17, Reply)
Susan's House by Eels is fucking atrocious as well

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:17, Reply)
^tggotsh
/crow
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:18, Reply)
video milf though IIRC

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:26, Reply)
there are plenty of video milfs available elsewhere

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:27, Reply)
Uh oh

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:28, Reply)

Man mispells video
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:28, Reply)
I got the e and o round the wrong wayy, hardly an 3p1c f@1L

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:30, Reply)
Yeah you tell that to Old Macdonald,

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:30, Reply)
smirk

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:32, Reply)
Nevertheless, these things need documenting and archiving.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:31, Reply)
I don't know why you're picking on me today.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:33, Reply)
I just can't find the words to express how I really feel.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:34, Reply)
We all saw that

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:29, Reply)
Is that not what the song is about?

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:27, Reply)
TBH I dont remember the song
just an image of a milf undressing at some point
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:28, Reply)
actually I say milf
she is probably younger than me in that video (having researched)
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:30, Reply)
Have you noticed how young milfs are getting nowadays?

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:31, Reply)
13 ROUND MY WAY

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:12, Reply)
Nonce.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:33, Reply)
Due to a drunken night out this song is known as Teenage Werepig

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:17, Reply)
I would say that anything by Celine Dion is worse
The problem with Angles is that every pissed up lad thinks they can sing it.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:18, Reply)
welcome to 1997

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:20, Reply)
If only people stopped singing them in 97

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:24, Reply)
I hate when people murder the typical karaoke ballads.
One pub I worked in had it 5 nights a week and it was the same people singing the same songs.
It was like Groundhog Day.

If it wasn't for the constant stream of alcohol I wouldn't have coped.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:19, Reply)
It would be better if people sang murder ballads.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:21, Reply)
Today was a good day

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:22, Reply)
I once did a version of Warpigs

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:22, Reply)
Good song

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:24, Reply)
Sabbath?

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:24, Reply)
Yeah original version rather than FNM's one
Ozzy is easier to imitate
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:26, Reply)
Pretty sure that is not a murder ballad.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:34, Reply)
The familiar warble of the Greater Fucked Orange Slag.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:21, Reply)
Karaoke really is shit.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:22, Reply)
Barbecues are good, there's a big garden here.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:07, Reply)
That's lovely.
Isn't that lovely, everyone?
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:28, Reply)
Alt: my local shut the other week.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:26, Reply)
Have a look for a local hotel bar as a reasonable alternative.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:26, Reply)
Or drink at home and don't punish the rest of us.
What are you doing Sunday afternoon?
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:28, Reply)
I don't know. Why do you want to know?

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:28, Reply)
If you're in town and fancy a Sunday lunch and glass of wine, let me know.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:30, Reply)
I will indeed. Haven't thought that far ahead yet tbh or managed to remember any plans I've been told about.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:32, Reply)
Alt: It isn't run by a GP who is having a midlife crisis.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:29, Reply)
mildlife crisis.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:30, Reply)
Can we find out who his missus is on /links and persuade her to start putting out again?
It might help.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:33, Reply)
I'll give her a go if she asks nicely.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:33, Reply)
If she's not already fucking someone else, she's clearly in the market for it

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:35, Reply)
She let me look at her norks the other day.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:42, Reply)
My wife walks around the house naked all the time
I fucking hate it. Its like putting a steak on my plate and telling me not to eat it!
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:55, Reply)
Mine does this, too.
Except I'm the one who's frigid.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:58, Reply)
Not my wife, I mean my girlfriend.
Well, my housemate.

Ok, my cat.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:01, Reply)
Pics pls

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:08, Reply)
You want naked photos of my cat?
You sick fuck.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:09, Reply)
What? It's not like I'm asking you to dress it up all sexy like

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:10, Reply)
That said a pair of stockings wouldnt go amiss eh

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:16, Reply)
you need to document this and post it to a tumblr blog

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:59, Reply)
I don't need to see an account of his massive blue balls, ta.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:13, Reply)
superfluous word there old chap

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:15, Reply)
Any ideas who it is?

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:39, Reply)
No, but it shouldn't be too hard to find the girl on there.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:40, Reply)
It's hard to search his posts for clues because he can't spell

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:41, Reply)
I had an ask
I'm expecting a helpful response shortly.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:44, Reply)
lol

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:45, Reply)
Success!
I think.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:57, Reply)
Hmmm.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:02, Reply)
Stalker.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:40, Reply)
Who is it then?

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:41, Reply)
You show me yours,I'll show you mine.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:43, Reply)
deal
www.b3ta.com/users/profile.php?id=22005
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:44, Reply)
OH! So she's your missus!
I knew it was someone on here
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:51, Reply)
Didn't she used to have a sultry black and white pic of herself, close up so you couldn't see how fat she was?

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:11, Reply)
Dunno.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:11, Reply)
you're thinking of YM
again
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:19, Reply)
I'm fairly certain my mum doesn't post on here.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:35, Reply)
she is fat and black and white though

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:36, Reply)
I don't get it

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:48, Reply)
and ginger.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:22, Reply)
Strawberry blonde.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:25, Reply)
AUBURN
and grey
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:25, Reply)
Purple with a budgie in it.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:26, Reply)
Is this a euphemism?

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:32, Reply)
Nope.
Although I will say attending a silent disco and not putting any headphones on is the funniest thing you can experience.

Alt: Local's a shit hole, I just like the fact that it spends half of its time having their license under police review.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:51, Reply)
My cousin had a silent disco at her wedding reception
I didn't put headphones on. I sat and drank fuck loads of free booze. I didn't find it funny. I found it sad.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:54, Reply)
Good lad.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:00, Reply)
It's when they start singing along, but inevitably only know half the words.
Blur's Song 2 for example: -

"Woo hoo! mer mer mer mer mer mer mer... "Woo hoo!"

Absolutely everyone doing the same thing, looking like cunts and without the first clue about it.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:03, Reply)
It sounds dreadful.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:06, Reply)
A friend went to one at Glastonbury, it sounds a bit pants.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 12:59, Reply)
STOP CHANGING THE SUBJECT ITS YOUR TURN TO UNVEIL YOUR MISSUS

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:02, Reply)
NO MUZZERS

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:05, Reply)
Bet it's this: -

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:05, Reply)
Damn...

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:08, Reply)


(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:08, Reply)
is that one of the monsters off Fraggle Rock?

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:08, Reply)
I think you wanted to reply here.
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2319562

And Red isn't one of the monsters.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:19, Reply)
I was thinking of the Gorgs, but you could be right

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:22, Reply)
Far right.
I think you're right.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:30, Reply)
BNP slogan writer ^

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:39, Reply)
wtf
wtf is a silent disco??
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:26, Reply)
its a disco
that's silent
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:26, Reply)
No loud speakers, just headphones.

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:27, Reply)
Are you sure you used to be a student?

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:28, Reply)
She's quite old.
These things didn't exist when she was a student.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:35, Reply)
Only when they ran out of needles for the gramophone

(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:37, Reply)
Everyone has headphones.
You can listen to either mix A, or mix B.

You have to figure out from their dancing who's listening to which.

Then mime having sex at them until it finishes.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 13:37, Reply)

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