It's socially acceptable to put someone's genitals in your mouth
but you eat ONE crisp you find under the sofa and you're some kind of gross sicko.

What else is a shocking societal double standard?

ALT: How much exercise do you do a week? I've started jogging in the morning before work and walking home from work.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 10:40, 192 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

What about genitals you find under the sofa?
ALT:
It was three runs a week of at least 5k, but post 13.1 miles I've not bene able to get out as often, probably 2 5k runs a week. I did build a raised veg bed in the garden which was a LOT of digging/sawing/bricklaying, etc.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 10:44, Reply)

my dick is cleaner than a sofa snack

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 10:47, Reply)

I put someone's genitals in my mouth in town the other day and society didn't seem to find it particularly acceptable.

( Peej, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 10:49, Reply)

How old was the crisp?
was it covered in sofa fluff?

alt. Really not much. I go for walks on a weekend.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 10:53, Reply)

the daily fail sidebar of shame
alt: at the moment, fuck-all. i go from 3-4 times a week and being super-healthy to never going at all. stupid.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 11:00, Reply)

that's pretty normal behaviour for middle aged women with eating disorders

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 11:08, Reply)

or people with jobs that sometimes run 9-6 and sometimes 18-20 hours a day

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 11:09, Reply)

or "losers" as they're technically known

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 11:11, Reply)

yep
those pathetic no-hopers with their high-octane jobs sure do make me smh
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 11:14, Reply)

hahahahafuck
Seriously? Is it 1985? Nobody thinks that wasting your life in an office is an achievement any more. "Cash rich and time poor" basically means you've lost at life.
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 11:16, Reply)

^tggi^
Has anyone ever been on their deathbed and uttered 'i wish i spent more time at work'?
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 11:18, Reply)

at work conversing with anonymous autists on the internet
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 11:31, Reply)

yeah
who wants to work with fun and intelligent people and challenge their brain with something different every day? god, what a bunch of losers.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 11:34, Reply)

Obviously not your colleagues.

( Muns, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 11:35, Reply)

lolzers

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 11:35, Reply)

me ... so that's what I do
but if you're happy doing glorified data entry for twenty hours a day so that you can afford to live in a two bedroom flat in your forties then that's cool too
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 11:37, Reply)

course it is
you're the gimp that nobody wants to work with, so you have to tell yourself that you don't mind being a "consultant".

stick to your ex-council semi, there's a good boy.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 11:47, Reply)

Shit. Have I hit a nerve?
Sorry.
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:09, Reply)

haha you wish
they're buried under several layers of tasty tasty ryvita
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:21, Reply)

layers of tasty tasty ryvita folds of flab
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:24, Reply)

must take a lot of ryvita to get a big boned woman through a twenty hour slog in the office
but at least those long hours mean there's no rush to get a grown up place to live
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:26, Reply)

do you hate ryvita so much because your local lidl won't let your pikey wife haggle them down?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:33, Reply)

good one
Only ... you know ... the stuff about you working twenty hour days in a clerical job and living in a flat in your forties is true

I mean ... you could take the piss out of my pizza oven or beard if you liked ... that might work better for you on account of them actually existing and that
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:36, Reply)

lol pizza oven cunt

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:39, Reply)

I know right?

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:44, Reply)

What's wrong with living in a flat in your forties?
I lived in a 3 bed semi-detached for nearly 20 years. When I sold it I chose to live in a flat because FUCK GARDENING and the extra space is just more space that needs cleaning.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 13:05, Reply)

sheltered accommodation is a different thing, gramps

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 13:30, Reply)

"You see that dock out there? Built it myself, hand crafted each piece, and it's the best dock in town!
But do they call me "Jeff the dock builder"? No! And you see that bridge over there? I built that, took me two months, through rain, sleet and scoarching weather, but do they call me "Jeff the bridge builder"? No! And you see that pier over there, I built that, best pier in the county! But do they call me "Jeff the pier builder"? No!"

But I fuck one dog!"

Alt. Fucking loads without even trying. Jogging is shit and for cunts though, i'd stop right now before it goes full blown.
( Peej, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 11:08, Reply)

My head is banging and all the users are being cunts.
Kill me.
( Kroney, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 11:13, Reply)

maybe lay off the amyl nitrite for an hour

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 11:14, Reply)

I'm possibly riding high on a wave of acetaldehyde
or not, depending on who you ask.
( Kroney, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 11:17, Reply)

^vinegar tits^

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 11:24, Reply)

I thought Amyl Nitrate was for when bottoms were being cunts?

( Muns, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 11:35, Reply)

Okay.

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 11:15, Reply)

I'll love you for it.

( Kroney, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 11:17, Reply)

Steady on
a manly handshake is fine. Maybe a friendly tug.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 11:24, Reply)

Ingrate.

( Kroney, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 11:38, Reply)

I think we probably all have double standards, when it suits us.
Perhaps you should only put someone's genitals in your mouth after smearing them in a dusty, hairy old cheesy dorito?

Alt: Football once a week, basketball once a week and cricket during the summer. Plus dog walking, working in the garden and the allotment.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 27 Oct 2014, 11:49, Reply)

as a girl
it's the "in" bit that i find disturbing
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:05, Reply)

I merely used the term used in the OP. Don't read too much into it.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:34, Reply)

I like that allotments are still called allotments
It's got a cheery Dig For Victory feel to it. I hope your potatoes are a success. That'll show The Hun that old Blighty won't be beaten. Hurrah!
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:11, Reply)

Yes, that's right Grandad.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:35, Reply)

I'm going to give this veg growing lark a go next year I reckon.
The flat I've moved into already has a couple of veg patches. I'm probably going to do tatties in barrels.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:15, Reply)

wouldn't bother with potatoes
the time of year when you'll harvest them they cost about thruppence a kilo

Grow weird stuff and things that don't store and travel well.
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:24, Reply)

Grow weird stuff and things that don't store and travel well. fuck the garden and go down the juicer
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:28, Reply)

^^^this

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:30, Reply)

My plan is to spend less time in the pub and more time doing other things.
Like twatting about with a shovel and a tin of lager.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:30, Reply)

some of us don't have to work twenty hours a day to maintain a student lifestyle

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:34, Reply)

I've tried to grow corriander a load of times 'cos I can't use it quick enough.
But it turns out it's shit at not dying.

I just chop it and freeze it now.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:39, Reply)

do you live in Cornwall?
because coriander isn't exactly exotic in the rest of the world
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:40, Reply)

Doesn't exotic shit die easily?

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:52, Reply)

depends what it is
loads of Chinese veg grow well here
you're probably not going to manage pineapples and mangos
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:58, Reply)

Russell Brand is such a fucking prick.

( Kroney, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:03, Reply)

Well duh

( Peej, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:08, Reply)

The problem is stupid people think he's clever rather than just a prick with a thesaurus.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:15, Reply)

He is quite clever.
Unfortunately he's utterly deluded and quite possibly mental. Also, he's a fucking prick.
( Kroney, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:19, Reply)

I'm not sure he is that clever. Articulate definitely but his ideas are really not clever at all. Mainly because they just wouldn't work.
Mind you I pity him is a way. If I grew up in Grays i'd probably have turned to heroin.
( Peej, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:24, Reply)

Ignorant perhaps. Ignorance and intelligence are not co-dependent.

( Kroney, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:25, Reply)

Intelligence is more of a logic/problem solving thing though isn't it?
Genuine question. Perhaps I am wrong but I thought they weren't co dependent either. My autistic mate has a crazy IQ but he's not overly clever.
( Peej, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:29, Reply)

Dunno, maybe I'm not being technically accurate,
but I conflate intelligence and cleverness.
( Kroney, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:30, Reply)

in my experience
more intelligence equals less common sense
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:33, Reply)

True, my Aunt with her PHd and Degrees from Oxford, Cambridge and Bristol cannot tell left from right or tie her shoes.

( Peej, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:35, Reply)

Thats fine honest,
Brand has done some really funny shit though. Like when he was sexually abused as a kid.
( Peej, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:34, Reply)

Tell you what, that thing he does where he keeps his teeth clamped when he talks winds me up
Oh and he's a fucking prick
( Peej, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:25, Reply)

That thing he does where he keeps breathing winds me up.

( Kroney, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:29, Reply)

That thing he doesn't do where he keeps not shooting himself in the face winds me up.

( Peej, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:30, Reply)

Britain gets more like 1930s Germany every day
Austerity, nationalism and pricks jumping on the bandwagon left right and centre.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:16, Reply)

I'm going to start wearing black turtleneck sweaters.
Mosley style.
( Kroney, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:20, Reply)

This shit with the sportball the other day
Some people thought "Look how passionately he supports his team"

I thought "I'd probably get arrested if I forced my way into an after game interview and went LOOKATMELOOKATMELOOKATMELOOKATMELOOKATMELOOKATME!!!!"
( Peej, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:20, Reply)

That's modern Britain for you
How come some cunt is allowed to smear his opinion over the tv just cos he's a 'celebrity'?

see also Stephen Fry, etc, etc.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:27, Reply)

At least Stephen Fry is handed a platform in which to do so
I doubt we will see him barging in to a press conference anytime soon.
( Peej, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:31, Reply)

Stephen Fry endorses lots of things via voiceover for money therefore his opinions are suspect and cannot be trusted.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:36, Reply)

exactly
but cos he has a posh accent and went to Oxbridge dumb people think he knows everything about everything.

It'll get to the point where you have to have your passport photo signed by someone off TOWIE.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:41, Reply)

'stupid persons idea of a clever person'.
I don't think Fry is stupid but when he happens to be talking about something I know about it's not difficult to see he's speaking with authority whilst going out on a limb.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:45, Reply)

Here's a review of his book.
"Brand leaves you in little doubt that he is trying to escape the ennui that follows trying everything once except incest and folk dancing. His writing is atrocious: long-winded, confused and smug; filled with references to books Brand has half read and thinkers he has half understood. At one point, he discusses whether our perception of reality is a mentally constructed illusion (don’t ask me why)"

www.theguardian.com/books/2014/oct/27/revolution-review-russell-brand-beverly-hills-buddhist?CMP=fb_gu
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:43, Reply)

I deleted facebook two weeks ago
Yesterday my mum phoned me to see if I was OK because she hadn't heard from me in two weeks, oh and also did you know Luke and Zoe were engaged.

Fucking facebook eh? People think that sticking it on facebook is enough these days. Not that I care that two people are going to fuck up a perfectly good relationship. I pointed out to my mother that she knows my phone numbers and lives a quarter of a mile down the road.
( Peej, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:18, Reply)

I'd probably try examining why my own mother hated me so much
that she can only bear to communicate through the inhumanising, insensitive internet, rather than calling or visiting, if I were you. I can't fucking get rid of my mother's hassling.
( Kroney, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:21, Reply)

Neither can I. Your Mum's going to get a right pain in the arse.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:35, Reply)

lol mum jokes

( Kroney, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:36, Reply)

Why bother? Its obvious to most people why. I don't need to dig any deeper

( Peej, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:40, Reply)

In my day we wrote each other letters.
Fucking kids and their 'computers'.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:23, Reply)

You only really sent letters to people so you could say 'cheers for that' without having to phone them and listen to their bullshit opinions.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:35, Reply)

you never shut up about fucking kids, do you?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:37, Reply)

possible potd, here

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:38, Reply)

I know its going downhill rapidly now
but I really hope not.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:41, Reply)

yes he does
but that normally means that he's off somewhere fucking kids

:( :( :(
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:39, Reply)

That little easter egg was meant for dozers

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:40, Reply)

you use your computer to make and disseminate indecent images of children

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:41, Reply)

you have no friends

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:43, Reply)

You have a hard drive creaking under the weight of terabytes of category four pthc
Your wife knows but she turns a blind eye.

You also pimp out your toddler daughter.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:49, Reply)

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Percutaneous_transhepatic_cholangiography
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 13:13, Reply)

I like Ryvita Mini's
Just sayin'
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:31, Reply)

i saw mini boursins in the supermarket
tasty little fuckers
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:36, Reply)

you like men's bot-bots rather than ladies' fannies though

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:37, Reply)

Im more of a dick man, myself.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:39, Reply)

Oxymoron though that may be.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:40, Reply)

I don't think it is though.
stop trying to be clever.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:41, Reply)

I am happy that a homosexual categorising himself as a dick MAN is an oxymoron.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 27 Oct 2014, 12:43, Reply)