SOLICITARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHS!
I may be forced to drive to Whitley Bay to behead my solicitor this afternoon as he has decided to be a monumental cunt regarding exchange/completion on our house. His being pedantic could stop the chain moving on Friday, purely out of spite

Tell me tales of your brushes with authority

Alt:
I have 4 coffees from our secret santa at work. Best/worst presents from work?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:24, 102 replies, latest was 9 years ago)

I got a quite nice tie and cufflinks one year.
But Secret Santa is shit, and for pricks.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:26, Reply)

imma buy you some scented candles

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:36, Reply)

Imma buy you some engine oil, because you're so rugged.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:38, Reply)

I've just shorn my face pubes down to 1/8" ... my chin is like an emery block

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:42, Reply)

bit gay, m8

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:46, Reply)

Lets workshop this problem mate. To whit what does this pedantry relate to? Why would he be spiteful if he is reliant on the sale for (full) payment?

(Mr Udagawa, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:28, Reply)

Upsolve the efficacy and let's get people excited!

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:31, Reply)

He threw his toys out of the pram the other week regarding us speaking to them
Apparently us ringing our solicitors to ask where the sales was at was not necessary, as they would inform us, despite actually never ringing or emailing...

My fault, obviously
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:32, Reply)

maybe you should have used less shit clerks to do the dreary paper work

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:34, Reply)

My mate's a solicitor and deals with property and leasing.
When he bought his first house, by the end of it even he was cursing bloody solicitors.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:36, Reply)

Why didn't he do it himself?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:37, Reply)

He weren't quite qualified to at that point or summat.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:38, Reply)

It's just tedious admin in lawyerspeak, I'm sure most people could do it if there wasn't the option to pay some prick to do it.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:41, Reply)

it's an absolute piece of piss
my baby brother did his conveyancing when he was doing property development and he's barely an idiot
(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:43, Reply)

Of course he did

(Mr Udagawa, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:44, Reply)

the only people who think it's tricky are solicitors and that's only because they're generally pretty thick

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:50, Reply)

I can't think why they get paid several hundred grand a year to be able to understand and enforce multi jurisdictional legal agreements stradling property, construction, and commercial heads to delivery multi billion pound infrastructure projects
I just can't quite fathom it really
(Mr Udagawa, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:57, Reply)

that looks fascinating and if I live to a hundred and everything else goes to shit I might even read it

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 15:03, Reply)

It's ok, I've pitched it slightly above a 'Russell Group' intellectual level.

(Mr Udagawa, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 15:10, Reply)

fortunately they'll all be replaced by computers within five years and be working in Tesco or B&Q

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:38, Reply)

Maybe you need better solicitors
Ours were brilliant and happy to be phoned up, especially when we were pushing them to get the sale through and processed within a 2 week deadline.


HTHs honey
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:36, Reply)

THX BBZ X

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:37, Reply)

Take it to the Property partner expressing your concerns as to the progression of the matter, particularly as the solicitor dealing with it is refusing/unwilling to speak to you as a matter of professional courtesy or otherwise. Copy him in to all e-mails
Also seek confirmation of the firms complaints policy and procedure.
(Mr Udagawa, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:38, Reply)

holy fuckadiddle ... this is like the dullest Basingstoke dinner party ever

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:39, Reply)

This fellas finances are hanging by a thread, I don't think posting a step by step pictorial guide to a pizza oven will help matters

(Mr Udagawa, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:41, Reply)

it can't be duller than this
unless we start discussing interest rates or favourite rush hour A roads
(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:44, Reply)

Then smash his fucking teeth in with a hammer

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:40, Reply)

Take it to the Property partner expressing your concerns as to the progression of the matter, particularly as the solicitor dealing with it is refusing/unwilling to speak to you as a matter of professional courtesy or otherwise. Copy him in to all e-mails
Also seek confirmation of the firms complaints policy and procedure.

Have a couple of pints, then head down there angry and shouting your head off, threatening physical violence to anyone who tries to placate you.
Oh and don't forget to record the conversation.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:40, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2434613
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:41, Reply)

We have already done that

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:40, Reply)

They really have to enter into the spirit of their complaints procedures, although truth be told they don't really give a fuck and know you are too far advanced to take it to another firm.

(Mr Udagawa, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:43, Reply)

I bet he is just doing his job and its your fault

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:29, Reply)

It'll be his fault when I pink mist his fucking face

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:32, Reply)

still no bonus

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:29, Reply)

^ getting excuses in

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:31, Reply)

If he did a better job I am sure he would get a bonus
its like waiters that provide a shit service wanting a tip
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:32, Reply)

I do a great job, I'm the best one at my job here by far

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:33, Reply)

What websites do your colleagues spend most of their day on?

( Muns, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:35, Reply)

Yewtree blocked darkweb ones

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:36, Reply)

usvsth3m

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:36, Reply)

my boss seems to like eBay, the others work in a different building so I don't know what they get up to. Soz.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:39, Reply)

they're probably all snorting coke off hookers to celebrate their chrimbo bonus

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:40, Reply)

Defo

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:41, Reply)

nah friday is coke day as a rule

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:47, Reply)

As a rule?!
Best chippy ever!
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:51, Reply)

i would rather get the beers in but I haven't had my bonus

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:32, Reply)

Sure.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:37, Reply)

I once cycled into a rozzer when drunk.
He was very gracious about it but insisted that I walk the rest of the way. Then caught me trying to get back on round the corner and gave me a bollocking. Then we had some hunny. The End. Needs more bommyknocker.
(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:33, Reply)

I fought the law once
Let's just say it didn't end favourably for me.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:35, Reply)

Is that a roundabout way of saying you released a CD full of hippy protest songs that didn't sell?

( Muns, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:36, Reply)

CD?
Get fucked.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:38, Reply)

C60 cassette tape with only 17 minutes of material recorded on each side?

( Muns, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:41, Reply)

Ooh how much?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:42, Reply)

Depends.
Do you want the copy that sounds weird because I used high-speed dubbing to make it?
( Muns, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:44, Reply)

I'd be prepared to pay extra for that if you describe it as 'limited edition'

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:46, Reply)

Is your record now 'unlimited edition' given that you will never ever sell them all?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:51, Reply)

Yes, would you like to buy a second copy?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:54, Reply)

no thanks, i have written 'unlimited edition' on mine now though

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:57, Reply)

in shit

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:58, Reply)

You may have increased its value

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:58, Reply)

well that's a bonus of sorts i suppose

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:59, Reply)

The only one you'll be getting this year

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 15:02, Reply)

spare me my life story

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 15:04, Reply)

our youngest found a box of old cassettes the other week and pretty much filled her bedroom with unravelled tape
the fucking idiot
(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:45, Reply)

Lock her in there with a pencil and don't allow her out until she has wound every single one back.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:46, Reply)

it's stuffed into a box in case I think of something exciting to do with it

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:51, Reply)

Yeah but what about the tape

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:57, Reply)

boom boom!

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 15:03, Reply)

I once fired a pistol at a sheriff
but I never did this to his colleague despite what "the man" says
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:39, Reply)

Shut up, Sting.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:41, Reply)

HARSH

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:41, Reply)

HARSH

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:41, Reply)

DOUBLE HARSH

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:42, Reply)

He just wants to do a sex in my face so I forgive him

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:51, Reply)

This is ok.
fallondfloor.com/
(PsychoChomp, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:42, Reply)

I like this new nihilistic approach you are rocking chompers
Set apathy to max
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:50, Reply)

I once got a mini bottle of Famous Grouse from secret santa.
To this very day I am unsure as to whether it was well-intentioned or trolling.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:45, Reply)

Do you have dull whisky chat at work?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:51, Reply)

yes
Do you have council house x factor chat in the call centre?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:55, Reply)

Nearly got charged with 'breach of the peace' for telling a copper to fuck off when we were taping my mate to a lampost on his stag do.
In my defence, he was plainclothes and I thought he was a street pastor.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 15:05, Reply)

Seems reasonable

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 15:07, Reply)

I thought so.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 15:08, Reply)