Hello. Here's a load of old shit for you. For those who don't know me, I'm old.
I get the piss ripped over on /talk but I don't really mind. Being old has its advantages. I work in the music business and have done for over 35 years. I was there in the 60's and 70's and saw the birth of rock music, and spent my youth enjoying copious quantities of free love and no fear of AIDS.

I grew up in the film industry, my grandfather and uncle worked for Pathe News and I used to go to shoots with them in the hols. I've met The Beatles, been inside Lennon's house, I was at the launch of the first Moog synthesizer, played in some good bands and still do. I also met loads of film stars, rock stars and even had breakfast with Jimi Hendrix at the Isle of Whight festival. I have a helicopter pilots licence and have started flying again after a brief period and I'm engaged to a model.

I now work from home running a recording studio and am on the committee of a growing rock festival which is held in the same village where I live. I work with a friend who does HD video recording to broadcast standard and we run a mobile tv/audio studio and we have some nice jobs come in for next year at a few top festivals.

I get as much good sex as I want and I drive a fast car. Work is steady despite the recession and I'm landscaping my huge garden with ponds, waterfalls and rare trees and there is enough room to put up a big marquee in November for a fucking b3ta bash.

I also started doing the odd spot of stand up comedy a few years back and have begun doing a few clubs and venues around this region. My set has been described as extremely rude, downright disgusting, in incredible bad taste but funny. That's just fine by me. I mean, I can't knock it, it is pretty strong.

I'm in good health and go running every day. I don't drink alcohol or smoke fags and have finished several marathons and loads of half marathons in the past. I'm training for a channel swim in June/July next year and am aiming to smash the record for someone over 50.

I occasionally work at a lap dance bar which is owned by a friend's brother as a floor security guard. I also have to escort the girls in and out of the changing rooms and if it's busy I help behind the bar with two topless girls.

My house is situated, unusually on a hill in the Cambridgeshire Fens right next to woods and a nature reserve and the farmer's field opposite has huge markets and boot sales in the Summer but only every few weeks. I have my own private road and have just extended the car park to hold another 6 cars.

By now you lot must be pissing yourselves as it looks like some of the unhealthily huge vats of bullshit that appear here.
Old? Fuck off.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sun 18 Oct 2009, 16:13, 40 replies, latest was 2 years ago)

50? You don't look a day over 75.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 16:29, Reply)

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 2 Jun 2011, 10:04, Reply)

and your point is?
top it all off by flying a helicopter over to france for some authentic croissants
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 16:29, Reply)

I've meet him, he isn't lying.
He's probably got the most interesting life out of any b3tan I've meet.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 16:46, Reply)

You still smell of piss though

(PsychoChomp, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 16:52, Reply)

That's nice
but why are you telling us?
( chart cat has an itch, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 17:07, Reply)

^this
all very good, and I'm more than mildly envious of some of it, but normally there is a point to that sort of biographical smugness...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 17:37, Reply)

Have YOU ever needed a reason to be smug?

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 18:04, Reply)

Have you ever seen me write something like that unprompted?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 19:09, Reply)

I'm old too.
I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time... like tears in rain... Time to die.
( girlinthehole, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 18:24, Reply)

Smug
What is the point of all this smugness?! Yeah well, I'm a nubile blonde 29 year old with fairly big tits. I win.
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 19:16, Reply)

Hello
I've not met you, but I've met your wife and I think she's aces :)
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 19:27, Reply)

your foot is hovering dangerously close to your mouth
not sure they are together any more
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 19:29, Reply)

If I'm mistaken then I apologise. I thought they got back together.

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 19:36, Reply)

if I am mistaken then I apologise.
your finger is likely to be more on the pulse than mine!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 20:04, Reply)

LIES!
On OT. Who knew?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sun 18 Oct 2009, 22:14, Reply)

All that
and you still can't spell 'Isle of Wight'?

Bit of shame, really.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 8:41, Reply)

PS you may be a lovely fellow, but
'I get as much good sex as I want and I drive a fast car' is one of the most embarrassing things I've ever read on B3ta. It's the mid-life crisis version of 'my dad's in the SAS'. I'm cringing, really I am.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 8:46, Reply)

Punch his face Monty.

( girlinthehole, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 9:08, Reply)

I think I may have to
EDIT the whole thing reminds me terribly of the final series of Alan Partridge when he has that eastern European girlfriend, mixed in with a healthy dose of 'Creme Brulee'...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 9:14, Reply)

CASHBACK
you forgot about the helicopter bit...for me that was the pinnacle of his smugness

"i fly helicopters"

so fucking what?!


an embarrassing, pointless post.....is this the queue for the face punching?
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 11:19, Reply)

I keep re-reading this chap's post
and I'm baffled.

What was his motivation for posting this? I can only guess there must be some kind of crippling inadequacy issues going on. Perhaps bullied at school?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 13:36, Reply)

Possibly..
We could give the opportunity to reminisce by liberally applying our fists to his face. Either that or cut him off from his croissant supply, it's evident he has being going crazy on them.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 14:04, Reply)

Croissants are not for everyone.
Only the headstrong can cope. Sitting on balconies, particularly when done in combination with croissants, can send even the hardiest stark, staring mad.

I feel the short, sharp shock of facepunching may be the only way we can help.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 15:48, Reply)

I think
he's taking the piss out of OT/QOTW somewhat. Count the hackneyed stereotypes in the post. The only thing he hasn't done is knock out Mr T.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 19 Oct 2009, 16:26, Reply)

That's what I thought
until I looked at his profile - it's a very long-winded wind-up if it is. Involving terrible really gay fliers for some shitty middle aged Pink Floyd act and pictures of a ropey old bird saying she's a mature model.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 16:50, Reply)

I get as much good sex as I want and I drive a Ford Ka.
Beggars can't be choosers.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 9:10, Reply)

I'd like to be part of this thread.
Best one eva
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 6 May 2011, 16:44, Reply)

Yup.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 10 May 2011, 20:21, Reply)

Delete your account please.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 24 Jun 2016, 21:54, Reply)

Thanks.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 13 Apr 2017, 23:18, Reply)

in b4 death

( $$ ✅, Sat 4 Mar 2017, 11:24, Reply)

tits

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 17 Aug 2017, 13:10, Reply)

^

( broadsword w⚓, Thu 17 Aug 2017, 15:22, Reply)

new bottom get

( $$ ✅, Thu 17 Aug 2017, 13:41, Reply)

I've said it before, and I'll say it again
tits, tits, a thousand times, tits
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 17 Aug 2017, 13:50, Reply)

Hi

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 0:50, Reply)

hi

( $$ ✅, Fri 12 Jan 2018, 10:22, Reply)

Bottomer

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 11 Apr 2018, 19:54, Reply)

Roddy Bottum

( Turtle Power & Knuckles, Sat 26 Mar 2022, 20:32, Reply)