I'm feeling vulnerable.
Who really hates me and why?
Come on. Really lay in. I reckon we can make me kill myself tonight.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:45, archived)

*blows kiss*

( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:46, archived)

I love you as much as the theme from The Good The Bad and The Ugly.

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:46, archived)

don't do that.
i want to use your birthday bash as an excuse to meet the others, who i really want to meet.
( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:47, archived)

I've just signed up to that.
It's the only calendar event that says:

"Are you sure you want to go to this event?"

*clicks yes*

"Are you really, really sure? It's baldmonkey, you know?"

*clicks yes*

"It's in Portsmouth, FFS!"
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:12, archived)

Housemate (as mentioned below)
got lots of attention by going to the pub and cutting a five inch gash in his arm in front of everyone.
Maybe you should try that
( Hankster, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:48, archived)

not much
i would say you are one of the 4 or 5 funny ones.
( scott,, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:48, archived)

you're feeling vulnerable
because you don't have your robot bodyguard in your sig:

d[._.]b
( Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:49, archived)

I am full of love for all humanity
even you!


/too much E in the past and Buddhism blog
(jmaxi returned again on, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:52, archived)

surely no-one my compliment fishing darling

( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:04, archived)

Shameless, isn't it?
:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:11, archived)

My housemate is playing Effernessence or whatever that shit band is called, really loud
and they have given that cunt Gina Yashere her own show on telly

I should go out
( Hankster, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:43, archived)

would that be Gina's show
on CBBC?
( icklepeach *relurks*, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:46, archived)

Yes

( Hankster, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:50, archived)

The singer from Evernescense
has the best voice ever, fact. All their songs sound the same though.
(shux, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:47, archived)

I prefer Beth Gibbons' voice.

( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:16, archived)

Who does baldmonkey love?
What is the smell on my fingers?
( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:33, archived)

cunt
isthe answer to both your questions.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:33, archived)

Not to the second question
I'll wager.
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:35, archived)

the answers
are one and the same
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:33, archived)

you are the fourrici sequence
aicmfp
( Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:33, archived)

1. His bum.
2. Your bum.
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:34, archived)

You have those mixed up.

( Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:34, archived)

yes your bum
and his bum
( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:35, archived)

no, not my bum
baldmonkey refused my offerings of NSA rape.
( Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:36, archived)

National Security Agency?

( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:42, archived)

niet
no strings attached
( Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:45, archived)

You may be right.

( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:37, archived)

your fingers
baldmonkey
( brooza wonders how long a sig can be and if this will fit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:36, archived)

No one, and certainly not himself
Except in a purely physical way!

Not who but what:-

First love: Chemical
Second Love: Ononism


Oh and your fingers smell of cheap keyboard macassa!
(jmaxi returned again on, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:36, archived)

You are a nonsense.

( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:39, archived)

Oh, an I so wanted to be a sense.


I choose touch.
(jmaxi returned again on, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:47, archived)

+ i

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:43, archived)

mm onions.

( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:48, archived)

Is it possible to save ones progress in Lylat Wars?
I'm near the end and want to
(0800221155 Coldseal windows, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:28, archived)

Purple-ish

( GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:28, archived)

No, but it does use an intricate password system
The one you want is C-U-N-T-F-U-C-K-S-H-I-T-P-I-S-S
( brooza wonders how long a sig can be and if this will fit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:29, archived)

Lylat wars takes me about 30 mins to complete
each time I play it.

/Loves my n64
( moohalaa, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:29, archived)

Press clt -alt -spak

( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:30, archived)

I imagine this is Lillet wars.
And you all just chase things round and belt them with tampons.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:30, archived)

slymenstra does that

with a huge tampon on a chain
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:36, archived)

Lilac Wars
were the gayest of all the battles
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:31, archived)

*waits for the rest of the sentence*

( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:33, archived)

I just want to make it clear that I like you all.
Each and every one of you.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:20, archived)

Me as well?
That made my weekend
( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:21, archived)

Except you.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:21, archived)

You utter utter utter utter
cunt.



/all the best
( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:23, archived)

You hang up

( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:24, archived)

no you first

( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:25, archived)

No you fist

( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:27, archived)

both together then

( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:32, archived)

Both fists?

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:41, archived)

You suck dude
you, like, suck donkey cock.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:26, archived)

Awww. We like you too, sweetums.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:21, archived)

And except you, obviously.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:22, archived)

Yeah? Well that was a double double bluff and I actually don't like you at all and we all say you smell behind your back.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:23, archived)

He did

( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:24, archived)

and i've smelled him too
pooee!
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:25, archived)

I have a certificate and everything
thank you mister bm.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:21, archived)

Not you.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:22, archived)

that's very nice of you.
i find you entertaining but you were a bit spooky in person so i am reserving my judgement till i know you better.
( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:21, archived)

I didn't mean you.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:22, archived)

you utter cunt

( brooza wonders how long a sig can be and if this will fit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:23, archived)

that's alright, we've not really met properly.

( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:25, archived)

thanks, but you're only human
OR ARE YOU?
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:22, archived)

No. Not you.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:23, archived)

ME mememememe meme mem ememme em me


me!?



<sub>*bovvered



(probably)</sub>
(jmaxi returned again on, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:33, archived)

I feature in several of your cartoons.
I am wonderful.
*buys you a coke*
( moohalaa, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:22, archived)

Clearly I wasn't including you.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:23, archived)

i knew you couldn't deny it for much longer.

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:22, archived)

People under four foot are naturally excluded from my list of likeys.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:24, archived)

thanks
i'm available for any sexual gratificaton should you change your mind
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:22, archived)

I didn't mean you.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:25, archived)

you're only saying that
to make everybody else think it
i am awaiting your private messages of love
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:32, archived)

just 'like'?
i thought it was a whole lot more than that.
( scott,, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:22, archived)

'rape'?

( brooza wonders how long a sig can be and if this will fit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:24, archived)

Jesus. I don't have to state the obvious do I? Except you.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:26, archived)

Only the top b3tans like me.
Are you of top breed? *Inspects your hind legs*
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:23, archived)

Clearly not you. None of the cool nerds like you.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:27, archived)

*Openly weeps*

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:29, archived)

proximal convoluted tubules

(Monk3yspunkmop3d throws grenades, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:23, archived)

distal mate!! Loop of fucking henle

( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:24, archived)

I love it when you talk dirty
*releases ADH*
(Monk3yspunkmop3d throws grenades, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:26, archived)

Re-absorbs Na like mad!
Taking the piss now
( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:29, archived)

Except you.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:29, archived)

I like you.
I'm still glad that we're separated by thousands and thousands of kilometres, though.
(s0WmVHAwZgpG, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:23, archived)

Except you.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:30, archived)

I like you too.
But what does this mean for us?
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:23, archived)

Except you.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:31, archived)

i want to have your babies.

( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:25, archived)

No.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:32, archived)

up your bum gay boy
im having IVF
( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:34, archived)

I still have my stickyfoot that you gave me.

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:27, archived)

I don't even know what you are saying about. So I hereby exclude you.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:34, archived)

It's how my dad says
certificate
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:41, archived)

I despise you with the force of a thousand suns

( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:27, archived)

Bust strangely
you want to bum him with the force of a thousand randy Trollslayers.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:29, archived)

Actually, now I come to think about it properly, I hate everyone here.
Every last partical of every last person here is a cunt.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:39, archived)

Well, I dislike you.

And so does my Dad.
(Catfish Jr Yes, it's me, even under all the spunk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:39, archived)

I've been round the elderly next door neighbours', being a bit of a raconteur.
Telling tales of London life to the pariochials. Amongst the tangential conversations that punctuated my epic tale:

1. The German POWs who were held in the camp in the village during the 2nd World War II were very good workers. The Italians, on the other hand, were lazy.
2. For the seven years prior to my parents buying this house, the occupant was the previous owner's cat. SEVEN YEARS.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:10, archived)

This was not in JMG list of topics we can talk about
CUNTS
( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:10, archived)

I was listing things so as to encourage new things.
Things.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:11, archived)

you missed riddles and random shit ness

( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:15, archived)

and Baldmonkey trying to get on the popular page again

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:16, archived)

Riddle-me-ree.
What has four legs in the morning,
Three legs in the afternoon and one leg at night?
( Druid, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:16, archived)

My dog.
*sharpens shears*
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:17, archived)

That pig we got the bacon off.

( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:18, archived)

Hehehe, we did eats all Badger's share :9

( Druid, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:19, archived)

Hi WW

have just done your Evil quiz (honestly) and got 86% - how the hell did you get 88? Miss not belive in God or World domination or was it the 1mill?

Are you bad?
(jmaxi returned again on, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:26, archived)

a sheep when i want roast lamb.

( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:19, archived)

You are gay for lamb

( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:22, archived)

+hoof

( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:23, archived)

An ADHD kid's teddy bear.

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:22, archived)

The ever growing dislike of you from most of /talk
isn't all that new

Noon all.
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:15, archived)

What?
I honestly can't make head nor tail of this.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:15, archived)

I was just saying how glad I am that you're here
and how I wouldn't know what to do without you
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:18, archived)

Well, we all know this.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:20, archived)

hello.
busy day?
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:15, archived)

Really busy morning
has eased off now thankfully. That first pint 2 hours from now is going to be elixir.

How's tricks?
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:17, archived)

tricksy.
i plan to buy San Miguel on the way home. The combination of beer and curry will be wonderful after this week.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:18, archived)

I want to cook a curry this weekend but don't think I'll get the chance
and next week I'm in York. And b3tans live in York?
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:22, archived)

One in particular does

( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:29, archived)

How do.

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:16, archived)

herro ferris

( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:17, archived)

save ferris!

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:17, archived)

Why do you build me up
Buttercup
Just to let me down?


/there's a link there in my head but might take too long to explain
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:20, archived)

Teen Wolf was an ace film.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:21, archived)

i love that version.

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:25, archived)

hello

( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:17, archived)

Hello Miss Moustachio
How goes the week?
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:23, archived)

Howdo Mr Beuller!

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:18, archived)

I thought you were off today?
And why am I being called Ferris?

Afternoon Mr Bolic anyway
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:20, archived)

he copied me

( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:22, archived)

I did.
I figured it's the only way anybody is ever going to like me.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:24, archived)

It's not working

( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:26, archived)

I'm having a sit down and a cup of tea and a couple of ginner biscuits.
I've been demolishing stuff today. Using power tools and a cold chisel and a big manly hammer.

You erect yet?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:23, archived)

Sadly the only stiffness I have so far is in my back
which is still fucking hurting :(

What you been demolishing? I approve of your choice of manual labour biscuits.
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:25, archived)

Some built-in wardrobes and some flooring.
The built-in wardrobes were a bit of a shock ... I was expecting your modern pansy chipboard and nancy screw construction but they were solid wood nailed directly into the brickwork. I'm 85% shagged out now.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:26, archived)

Hardcore
You'll be pleased to know they are making Bovril with beef again though. You know what to do soldier.
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:30, archived)

'ning sir!

( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:19, archived)

Word up homie!

( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:24, archived)

Your tedious.
I don't like you.
(s0WmVHAwZgpG, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:19, archived)

What?

( Hankster, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:12, archived)

doesn't that legally mean
that the house now belongs to the cat?
(shux, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:12, archived)

Not if they bought the house from the cat
or the cat is dead and left it to rnuk in its will
( brooza wonders how long a sig can be and if this will fit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:15, archived)

+y

(Monk3yspunkmop3d throws grenades, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:16, archived)

One of my neighbours just popped around to welcome us to the area
she seems the best sort of batty. She blathered on for ages about people I couldn't possibly have met. Then blathered on about my lovely kids (those ones what I don't have). BRILLIANT. I seem to have moved into sheltered accomodation.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:16, archived)

Next time she comes round and asks about them
Just play along. Call them Dave and Jemma. Then, in the next sentence, call them Graham and Susan. Next time, James and Margeret. Repeat ad nauseum.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:17, archived)

Although that's not entirely unheard of.
My parents have on various occasions in the past referred to me as "James" (my brother) and "Jess" (the dog), and many other things.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:20, archived)

In a fortnight she'll be calling you by her dead son's name
and bringing you her husband's hand-me-downs.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:18, archived)

hand-me-
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:19, archived)

ACE!
She sounded slightly forrin as well. Hopefully she'll cook some hideous gloop of pigshin and bready dumplings and insist I eat the whole gallon.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:19, archived)

Ooh, dark.
Sorry.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:21, archived)

this means you can wee wherever you like
and someone should* clean up after you

*unless it is state sheltered housing
( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:18, archived)

don't pull the orange cord
unless you WANT to be bummed by the warden
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:18, archived)

We've got panic buttons.
The previous owner was super duper super paranoid. They had to kick her door in after she died. There were six (six) bolts in the bedroom door.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:21, archived)

did you tell them of our mini adventure?

( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:17, archived)

I'm thoroughly ashamed of myself.
I did not. Sorry. I'll tell them when I see them again on Sunday at the big family meal.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:19, archived)

I have got one
an emo child, I have never seen a real one before. She is listening to Panic in the Disco so loud on her headphones so loud that I could sing along if I knew the words.
I also had a lovely man in earlier with a stunning afro but when he bent over to look at something he was bald right in the middle of it. I disappointed but still amused.

Who have you encountered today?
( flurokitty 3, 2, 1 lets jam! (+.[___]·:·), Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:09, archived)

A weird woman with a witch as a child.
*Combovers*
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:10, archived)

You met my mum?

( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:14, archived)

he did have a massive
comb in his pocket too.
( flurokitty 3, 2, 1 lets jam! (+.[___]·:·), Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:16, archived)

You have met a seventies style monk
AICMFP
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:10, archived)

nobody of any consequence
my life is the most exciting ever
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:11, archived)

lots of people saying no
I'm trying to get a sponsor for a charity event for over 50s wimmins.

Suggestions here please....
( icklepeach *relurks*, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:11, archived)

(insert nudity/masturbation suggestions here)

(Just Harry What should I put here?, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:12, archived)

SAGA?
Tena Lady?
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:13, archived)

oh dear
looks like I will be needing a tenna lady for my brain.
( flurokitty 3, 2, 1 lets jam! (+.[___]·:·), Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:14, archived)

I have no idea what that is

( brooza wonders how long a sig can be and if this will fit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:16, archived)

have you tired
clothes shops like bon marche (sp?) or this is going to sound like a joke but it is not tenna lady or drug companies that do HRT.
( flurokitty 3, 2, 1 lets jam! (+.[___]·:·), Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:13, archived)

it's not a big enough event
to approach the biggies like the HRT companies etc.
( icklepeach *relurks*, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:16, archived)

Will Young.

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:16, archived)

Bon Marche
Peacocks
Marshall Ward (clothing catalogue)
Holland & Barrett
Threshers?
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:17, archived)

*notes*
thank you
( icklepeach *relurks*, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:21, archived)

i was a ninja earlier.
I invaded a building a stole 2 projector screens.
HAHA FEEL MY MIGHT!
(Woodside lndustries full caps are *not* witty - they're shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:11, archived)

*feels*
mmm it makes me tingle
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:14, archived)

Mono
and Oderus Urungus Retardo (the cat)

/interesting
(Monk3yspunkmop3d throws grenades, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:11, archived)

what?
Are you talking about your child and a man you had earlier, or am I missing something?
( brooza wonders how long a sig can be and if this will fit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:11, archived)

I encountered a drunken Irishman.
Is that a tautology?
( Druid, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:12, archived)

doctors, nurses, therapists
mums, babies, old men in wheelchairs, pregnant women, mop-wielding immigrants... I think that's about it so far. None of them were particularly worthy of comment.
( frunt It's been a while..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:14, archived)

an old man
who may have been a serial killer, plus a VPN connection

hay ho!
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:20, archived)

cardiff
tonight anyone?
( Captain Pilchard The king of B-movies!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:56, archived)

You can have it I am not using it

( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:56, archived)

Who are you?
What the criminey is going on here?


Is this a bandwagon? I am completely lost.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:57, archived)

*hands paper bag*
Here, breathe into this. Normal service will resume shortly.
( mcdoof fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:59, archived)

I decided not to look at at b3ta today between 12pm and 2pm today as I basically can imitate it in my mind when I am not here. It goes as follows:
a) OMG what did you have for lunch?
b) "Girl": *Something that a fucking child and/or cat would do. As it apparently seems "cute"*
c) Boys reply on mass to point B.
d) Poetry. Boring fucking poetry.
e) OMG what did you have for lunch?
f) "My job is shit. I am so bored."
g) MySpace link
h) BBC Link
i) A link which is on /links
j) Crossposting
k) That BBC link again


...and so forth, repeat 'til fade.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:04, archived)

I like this
JMG Speaks the Truth.
( moohalaa, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:05, archived)

But that is b3ta.
It's like that all the time.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:05, archived)

No no no..
Once you reach around 8pm it's Piston_Broke lying about his sex life or asking about bashes.


I think I should compile a time sheet of what happens. Every single day.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:07, archived)

Yes.
THAT would certainly prove you are not sad like these people.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:08, archived)

BALDMONKEY!
In Rio he is known as "El Chimpio el Hairio Reeecedingarrrriho!!!"
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:10, archived)

My clique knows more about what they say in Rio than your clique.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:12, archived)

My clique is basically just me.
And ME knows LOADS about Rio.


*Sambas*
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:15, archived)

Where does she dance?

( brooza wonders how long a sig can be and if this will fit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:16, archived)

UNDER DA SEEEEAA!!
Or if it's rained off, on the beach.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:19, archived)

on my glans

(Monk3yspunkmop3d throws grenades, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:20, archived)

Copyist!

(Monk3yspunkmop3d throws grenades, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:18, archived)

I quite like the 6am-9am lot.
That and the Aussies coming on from 3am-6am.
( moohalaa, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:09, archived)

I'm having a bash.
You should come, you big shit.
( Druid, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:09, archived)

There'd be hell on if I went to a bash.
It would disappoint. :(
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:13, archived)

He's legally barred from setting foot south of Gateshead in case he catches SOUTHERN.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:14, archived)

There have been many problems with The South

( brooza wonders how long a sig can be and if this will fit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:18, archived)

well mr cynical, bake me a cake and call me barbara windsor.
it was only because you werent here to give us tales of your interesting northern life that it may have been so predictable. or something.
( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:06, archived)

show us your pendulous, leathery breasts
Barbara
(Monk3yspunkmop3d throws grenades, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:07, archived)

*swings breasts*
i said i would never do this again
( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:08, archived)

JMGIS SO TEDIOUS AND PREDICTABLE AND TEDIOUS AND WE HAVE DECIDED HE IS PREDICTABLE.
I've seen this argument alot lately. It's very ironic.



...I would LOVE to bake a cake. *Cake hat*
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:08, archived)

something with walnuts in please.
theyre good for the brain.
( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:09, archived)

CAKE HAT.
(Trumpet - doopity doop doo do do doo)
CAKE HAT
(Trumpet - doopity doop doo do do doo)
It's a hat on my head
(commence finger clicking)
A hat of cake a cake hat it is
IT
IS
A cake hat on my head
a hat like a cake like a hat on my head
(Trumpet - doopity doop doo do do doo)
(fingers go CLICK CLICK CLICK)
(whisper) cake


hat.
(CLICK)
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:11, archived)

en masse
you terrible barbarian.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:06, archived)

frencher

(Monk3yspunkmop3d throws grenades, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:08, archived)

and should royal
have an e on the end?
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:10, archived)

*purrs and rubs against your legs*

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:06, archived)

ZOMG A GURL

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:08, archived)

*REPLIES HARD!*

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:08, archived)

*purrs and rubs against the contents of your fridge*

(Monk3yspunkmop3d throws grenades, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:10, archived)

HURR HURR

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:17, archived)

isn't it?

(Monk3yspunkmop3d throws grenades, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:59, archived)

Of course I'll drop everything and travel 150 miles
on 2 hrs notice.
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:59, archived)

aww
i feel honered that you would do that for me!
( Captain Pilchard The king of B-movies!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:00, archived)

nah
bunch of us going on pub crawl in cardiff, just wondering if any body fancied joining us.
( Captain Pilchard The king of B-movies!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:59, archived)

It would appear that you want to reply to a post up there.

( WHARRGARBL, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:00, archived)

oooooh *holds handbag up*
NOOBIE FIGHT NOOBIE FIGHT NOOBIE FIGHT

ive waited nearly 12 months to be able to say that
( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:01, archived)

shush premlum

( brooza wonders how long a sig can be and if this will fit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:02, archived)

*rages*
*rants*
*hyperventilates*
*blacks out*
( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:03, archived)

*unzips*
*lubes*
( brooza wonders how long a sig can be and if this will fit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:04, archived)

see Hysteria for lube
its been in his back pocket for two million light years
( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:07, archived)

*waves*

( WHARRGARBL, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:10, archived)

*cunts in the fuck*

( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:10, archived)

I'm not going near him
He's talking about some bloke called Abaddon and I'd rather not get involved


ANYWAY! You're supposed to be unconscious

*chloroforms*
( brooza wonders how long a sig can be and if this will fit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:10, archived)

I was confused at first,
then I read the post you were replying to, and I laughed
( brooza wonders how long a sig can be and if this will fit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:01, archived)

sir
i challenge you too a duel, hand bags at dawn
( Captain Pilchard The king of B-movies!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:04, archived)

Can we make it about 11am?
I won't be up at dawn.
( WHARRGARBL, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:07, archived)

You're replying to yourself

( Fergburger, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:01, archived)

It's because he's 2 people.

( WHARRGARBL, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:02, archived)

Clever

( Fergburger, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:03, archived)

gosh no
isn't it a bit dangerous there what with the rift in the universe and all, I might get mugged by a cyberman.

blimey that was a bit geeky wasn't it I only watches the first couple of episodes as well
( flurokitty 3, 2, 1 lets jam! (+.[___]·:·), Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:02, archived)

you're allowed to be geeky* if you're a girl
*well, only a little
( brooza wonders how long a sig can be and if this will fit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:03, archived)

I am not really very geeky though
I am just not very cool.
( flurokitty 3, 2, 1 lets jam! (+.[___]·:·), Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:04, archived)

see, those people below can be laughed at,
because they're seriously carrying on this topic...
( brooza wonders how long a sig can be and if this will fit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:06, archived)

half of it was destoryed by some big demon anyway

(Woodside lndustries full caps are *not* witty - they're shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:05, archived)

This.
The end of that episode was a bit pathetic.
( WHARRGARBL, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:09, archived)

And...and...and!
Abaddon might turn up, and he can kill people just by standing over them.
( WHARRGARBL, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:05, archived)

It is Friday
Red yellow blue
and horses made into glue
Melted soles and shoes on feet
those moments when puddles are too deep

I need a poem about anal for the weekend please
( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:54, archived)

Poems are shit here.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:55, archived)

I like this.
It's classy.
( WHARRGARBL, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:55, archived)

Anal sex! Anal sex!
Amusing because it involves bottoms.

Anal sex! Anal sex!
Winkies in bottoms. Ho ho.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:55, archived)

thank you

( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:56, archived)

Anal
Banal
Canal
Cabal
( brooza wonders how long a sig can be and if this will fit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:56, archived)

Thank you

( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:56, archived)

you're a thanks whore

( brooza wonders how long a sig can be and if this will fit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:57, archived)

no thank you

( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:58, archived)

no you hang up

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:00, archived)

Anal.
It rhymes with Arsenal.

This is amusing because the first 4 letters of Arsenal spell arse. Anal is the process of sticking the penis in the rectum. Rectum is a posh word for arse. A lot of the Arsenal players are dirty foreign types. This is how you link Thierry Henry with Freddie Mercury.
( WHARRGARBL, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:59, archived)

rse
rse
rse
( brooza wonders how long a sig can be and if this will fit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:00, archived)

Supercalifragilisticexpialidious,
Anal sex can sometimes be really quite atrocious,
Especially when he hammers you very very ferocious,
Supercalifragilisticexpialidious!
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:59, archived)

Have they decided who's going to get James Brown's brand new bag yet?
I want it.

I was going to say the next celebrity death will be Desmond Dekker, then I remembered he's already dead so I choose Norman Wisdom.
( Druid, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:51, archived)

Technically, is it brand new?

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:51, archived)

I suppose not, but a check of the internet
says they're still fighting over it.
( Druid, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:53, archived)

What a bunch of faries.
I heard they haven't buried the poor bugga yet as they're even arguing over that.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:53, archived)

Ken Russell
considering the state of him on BB
( rob, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:51, archived)

I reckon Margaret Thatchers time is nearly up
or Prince Phillip
( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:52, archived)

My money's on Bruce Forsyth

( Fergburger, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:52, archived)

He will go on for ever and ever.
without changing.
In the event of his death his corpse will be stuffed and animated with robotics and ai for his catchphrases*

* may have already happened
(jmaxi returned again on, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:04, archived)

can you put money on when a celebrity will die?
(cleans dust of shotgun)
(shux, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:52, archived)

forwards IP logs to the rozzers

( rob, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:53, archived)

I'm on it

( Fergburger, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:55, archived)

yes, and you can bloody well get off it
if you don't mind.
(shux, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:55, archived)

Sorry
*gets off*
( Fergburger, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:02, archived)

that wasn't as bad as I thought it would be though
/winks/
(shux, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:05, archived)

I don't think you can.
I'm not sure.
( Druid, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:54, archived)

You can if you are related to them or can demonstrate that you are
financially dependent on them. See Ant and Dec for details.
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:57, archived)

Papa's got it

( brooza wonders how long a sig can be and if this will fit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:56, archived)

World of Warcraft
just hit EIGHT MILLION subscribers.

www.themoneytimes.com/articles/20070112/wow_hits_8_million_gamers_worldwide_ready_for_expansion-id-102679.html

HURRAY FOR GEEKS :D
( moohalaa, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:31, archived)

Blimey
Yay for WOW!
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:32, archived)

I can't say WoW interests me in anyway

( GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:32, archived)

IT'S PEOPLE LIKE US WHO ARE GREAT AND SHOULD BE COPIED, GMOS.
I'm thinking of getting us matching hats to point this out even harder.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:35, archived)

can we have t-shirts with arrows pointing toward each other which say
"I'm with him, he's fucking awesome"

we'd have to stand in a prefixed way to make sure our t-shirts were pointing inwardly
( GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:36, archived)

Your idea, is superb.
You're setting the standards!
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:37, archived)

*CLOSE UP TO EXTREME CLOSE UP*
*STICKS THUMB UP AND SMILES*
( GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:39, archived)

i barely know what that means

( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:33, archived)

D&D is now socially acceptable.

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:33, archived)

Daddys and dildos?

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:34, archived)

Those have always been acceptable

( SpoonMeiser, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:39, archived)

you should be on stage with that act

( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:34, archived)

I wish I were joking
*puts on enchanted ring of social life +5*
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:37, archived)

i'm sorry i don't believe you
i have played 'Magic' once though. i could make it cool
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:38, archived)

Oh dear.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:44, archived)

ONCE I SAID
*runs away crying*
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:45, archived)

The thought of someone
running away crying always seems to make me chuckle
(Monk3yspunkmop3d throws grenades, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:47, archived)

I bet you're a popular babysitter, aren't you?

( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:55, archived)

they tend not to do much running and crying
after i've pumped them full of heroin and spunk
(Monk3yspunkmop3d throws grenades, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:57, archived)

Always my man
Always

*puts on robe and wizard hat*
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:50, archived)

World of what now?
I've never really been sure what it is.
( frunt It's been a while..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:33, archived)

Badger has been BANNED.

( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:33, archived)

I have not though!
Mwoahahaha!
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:34, archived)

Off here, or on WoW?

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:34, archived)

*reports you to the mods for asking tough and emotionaly damaging questions*

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:35, archived)

I'll dazzle them with my fantastic many mirrored scooter and they'll let me off

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:36, archived)

From WoW
for not sexing Wicca, at a guess...
( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:36, archived)

Ohhh I thought she meant properly banned for fucking around or something

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:37, archived)

He's never played it.
I wont let him. I know what will happen.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:47, archived)

what did he do?

( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:34, archived)

spread rabies

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:35, archived)

that'd do it
possibly a banning from the country too
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:39, archived)

Speaking of which
Bou has been absent since she posted her tits on /board ...
( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:43, archived)

did she do that today?
*looks*
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:44, archived)

Around 3 o' clock yes.
It was only cleavage, the thread was deleted, then someone re-posted the deleted picture.
( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:47, archived)

it would have been when i restarted my computer, wouldn't it.
how come i always miss the DRAMA?
( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:48, archived)

The repost is still on the board
so I doubt she's been banned. I'm creating the drama from nothing.

[edit: which is very unlike me. It also implies that I care. I don't.]
( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:50, archived)

she was around today

( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:44, archived)

it was only cleavage, wasn't it?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:44, archived)

yes
and i thought people were a bit mean about saying they were horrible boobs. you really couldn't tell. it was a normal enough cleavage.
( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:46, archived)

If you put your tits out there for the masses
they are going to be commented on. And not all the comments are complimentary.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:51, archived)

i suppose you're right.
it just seemed to me that people who don't know her are too willing to join in, and that seems like bullying.
i know you and she don't get on, but people joining in just cos it's what other people are doing seems harsh.
( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:54, archived)

Yeah, she had it in her profile a few weeks ago

( Fergburger, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:50, archived)

for doing what or whom?

( GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:34, archived)

or to
( frunt It's been a while..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:37, archived)

No, see
Grandma's question is already rude.
( Newington, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:43, archived)

Well, if you will go round raping dwarves with the amulet of ragnarok
what do you expect?
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:35, archived)

That means eight million times more room
when I start killing "second life" type game geeks.

I start tonight.
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:35, archived)

i had a second life account
but only because i was going to take money off the spotty shut-ins

i decided it was far too frightening
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:37, archived)

8 million people x $14.95
= $119 600 000 a month!
Fuck me sideways.
( Fergburger, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:35, archived)

You have to PAY to be a nerd of the highest order?

( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:37, archived)

I think it's about £8.99 a month here
The whole thing is ridiculous if you ask me
( Fergburger, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:38, archived)

it's about £9 a month, less if you pay in chunks.

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:40, archived)

*pays in cat food*

( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:49, archived)

mmm, gravy.

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:56, archived)

we get ripped off again!
I'd much rather pay $14.99 for something then £8.99
( brooza wonders how long a sig can be and if this will fit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:41, archived)

this
it is a fucking huge amount of turnover.

Plus merchandise sales, the game itself at £10, and the new £20 addon called Burning Crusade,
which I have ordered as well as several other gaming b3tans.
( moohalaa, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:37, archived)

you can order gaming b3tans?
wow Rob never told us this
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:41, archived)

My neighbour plays that
he's 40 something and very fucking irritating.

That was enough to stop me ever trying it... bad enough bumping into him in the street let alone online!
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:35, archived)

the WoW south park is fantastic.
i giggled like a schoolgirl.
( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:36, archived)

This

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:37, archived)

Well you are a schoolgirl.

( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:39, archived)

Well you are a schoolgirl.

( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:37, archived)

i'm nearly twenty-five!

( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:37, archived)

But you can still wear school uniform

( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:39, archived)

Stop it...

( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:41, archived)

*tutors*

( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:43, archived)

*puts hair in pigtails*
*draws freckles on spangolins cheeks*
( ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:43, archived)

oof
wasn't expecting that...do we have a classroomfull?
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:46, archived)

i have my skipping rope.

( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:47, archived)

Do you want a suck of my swizzle stick?

( ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:48, archived)

that's alright thanks, i have a lollipop right here.

( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:49, archived)

Oh.
God.
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:51, archived)

*sucks pencil*
*carves things into table*
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:54, archived)

*pulls virgin socks right up over knee*

( ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:57, archived)

Will all three of you please, for the love of God
Stop!
( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:59, archived)

It's alright, we're all going to link arms & skip away, looking innocently back over our shoulders at you now.

( ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:03, archived)

we're going?
*whispers something to INRBM*
*giggles*
( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:15, archived)

Ok. Please.
Stop. Now.
( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:53, archived)

*rolls skirt up*
it's just like being 16 again.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:48, archived)

yeah, except my blouse doesn't fit so well this time around.

( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:54, archived)

Good God.

( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:56, archived)

what? *does innocent big-eyed face*

( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:58, archived)

I didn't get to wear a tie at school.
I think I'll wear one now.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:58, archived)

i had one
i'll help you tie it if you like
( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:59, archived)

ok. i can't do it myself.
*leans forward*
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:02, archived)

here
*takes your hands and guides them through the knot*
( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:04, archived)

I did this for Russell at the bash.
This image is an antidote to the others I've been getting.
( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:02, archived)

binky is tying my tie for me, look.
how kind of her.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:07, archived)

I'M NOT LOOKING!

( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:09, archived)

*hugs INRBM and binky*
it's great to have girl friends.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:11, archived)

i like your hair
*plays with your hair*
( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:13, archived)

thanks, i thought pigtails were a good idea.
can i plait yours?
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:15, archived)

I'M STILL NOT LOOKING!

( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:17, archived)

oh i might as well stop then
cmon spang, noone's looking here. we can always talk via gaz or something.
( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:21, archived)

well...if no-one's looking...
*sigh*
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:32, archived)

I'm not here either.

( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:33, archived)

Thank Christ for that.

( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:36, archived)

ooh binky
would you like a flying saucer? try to let it dissolve in your mouth, it's really tricky.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:55, archived)

*looks over shoulder*
oh, you're still here? we hadn't noticed.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:21, archived)

This.
And in summer when it gets warm, you undo the bottom 4 buttons of your shirt & tie it up into a little cropped style thing.
( ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:00, archived)

oh we didn't do that.
we just had water fights.
( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:01, archived)

we did too. and ate ice pops.
and didn't wear tights. with the length of our skirts, it probably wasn't the best idea.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:03, archived)

i don't generally though
it's a special occasions thing.
( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:42, archived)

Much as I don't get the whole WoW thing
That episode was great.
( Fergburger, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:37, archived)

well yes, arr-tard.

( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:38, archived)

it's brilliant.
it really is.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:38, archived)

The best part of that
was afterwards when the WoW players missed the point entirely and discussed at length the inaccuracies in the episode
(Flabbergaster laughs at danger (and breaks all the rules), Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:39, archived)

How can you kill that which has no life?

( Newington, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:45, archived)

But,
I didn't like that episode much, or the ninja anime one.
Because when I'm watching South Park, I want to watch South Park, not some jumped-up guest animation technique.
( Newington, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:46, archived)

but it was funny.
yes it was.
( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:50, archived)

do you have an account?
[x] life
[x] wife
[x] social life

if you tick any of the above, dont bother joining us, you wont fit in
( Captain Pilchard The king of B-movies!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:38, archived)

give it a rest.
not everyone who plays the game is socially inept.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:41, archived)

do you smell of fish?

( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:42, archived)

whats the difference between having a life and having a social life?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:43, archived)

One is being recognisably alive,
the other is putting that life in the pub and interacting with your friends.
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:46, archived)

I want this game.
Is £1.49 good for a 14 day trial? Just in case I can't get into it.
( WHARRGARBL, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:39, archived)

nononononononono
its rubbish and you wont get a life, my housemates play it, and you can easierly not see them for a whole week. which can be good as their cunts. plus it sucks up the bandwidth, ponces.
( Captain Pilchard The king of B-movies!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:43, archived)

hello Hysteria
i quite liked you the other day, this post isn't doing much for me though
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:43, archived)

I've had a Sociology mock today.
Things will pick up later.
( WHARRGARBL, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:46, archived)

it sounds reasonable from what the others are suggesting.
i would say give it a go if you are interested.
( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:44, archived)

Keep your £1.49.
It could go towards buying a real person a beer in a real social situation.
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:44, archived)

will that beer last 14 days?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:45, archived)

only if you're not very thirsty

( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:47, archived)

crikey
I wonder how many of them actually play. I have yet to find an rpg like that which is able to hold my interest.
( flurokitty 3, 2, 1 lets jam! (+.[___]·:·), Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:41, archived)

This.
I'm more a Strategy/Management or Driving fan.
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:42, archived)

I like most games
and even some action RPG like zelda but things like oblivion bore me. My favs are either bemani or platformers.
( flurokitty 3, 2, 1 lets jam! (+.[___]·:·), Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:45, archived)

this is the only one that ever has.
I got bored of Oblivion, stuck on Final Fantasy...
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:43, archived)

What if all that brain power and floating point operations
was harnessed for good?

We would have a cure for cancer, live on the moon and a cure for global warming and conspiracy theories and all those other things that cause strife our unhappy little world.
( mazurka wants two's up on your mum., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:43, archived)

And how dull life would be without Orcs, Paladins and Gnomes.

( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:45, archived)

remember
red alert, starcraft, lemmings. those were stradagy games. ps, final fantasy rules.
( Captain Pilchard The king of B-movies!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:48, archived)

and bound to go up a lot
when the expansion pack comes out (rubs geeky hands together).
(shux, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:50, archived)

surely the expansion
pack is only to interest to those actually playing.
( flurokitty 3, 2, 1 lets jam! (+.[___]·:·), Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:54, archived)

mostly, but there's new races and stuff
which to play will mean having to start at level 1 again
(shux, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:59, archived)

Is there a better filling for a jacket potato than cheese and beans?
I simply cannot imagine such a thing existing
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:29, archived)

cheese and beans is great.
i also like tuna-mayo, but then i am a great big girly girl.
( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:30, archived)

+coleslaw

( Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:30, archived)

only with no raw onion.

( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:31, archived)

but of course.
I *hate* raw onion.
( Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:32, archived)

ok
*comes to your house for supper*
( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:33, archived)

I love onion
in all it's guises.
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:37, archived)

i like pickled, fried, roasted or any-method-of-cooked i think
just not raw.
( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:39, archived)

I especially dislike onion on pizza,
It is utterly, utterly foul and ruins the whole thing, even if I pick it off before eating, or even before cooking.
( Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:44, archived)

i like it if it's fried onion.
yomyomyom
( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:47, archived)

I like cheese and coleslaw
baked beans are satans tagnuts
( rob, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:30, archived)

Oooh adding coleslaw might be a great idea...

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:31, archived)

chilli and cheese

( GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:30, archived)

and sour cream

(Monk3yspunkmop3d throws grenades, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:33, archived)

Bacon & Mayo

(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:30, archived)

Chilli con Carne.
There is no other.
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:30, archived)

Chilli

( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:30, archived)

bacon
and stilton
( frunt It's been a while..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:31, archived)

Blatantly not
well, you want some philadelphia as well
( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:31, archived)

bacon and camembert
sour cream
tuna mayonnaise
sawdust and PVA
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:31, archived)

Cheese and bacon
cheese and broccoli
cheese and chili
salsa
twice-baked
( setimret likes his metaphors mixed, not stirred, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:32, archived)

Chilli, sour cream and cheese.
Or perhaps tzatziki(sp?)
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:33, archived)

I have a bottle of that in the fridge
the missus seems to adore it
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:35, archived)

You win at Scrabble this time, woman!

( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:36, archived)

Beef Chilli
with extra kidney beans and a packet of tortillas
(Dangermouse., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:34, archived)

Tuna mayo.
Cheese coleslaw.
Prawn coleslaw.
( ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:35, archived)

I'm eBaying some old computer games
search.ebay.co.uk/_W0QQsassZrbrtmnlQQhtZ-1

If you've ever dreamed about owning some really crap old game boy carts that were once owned by me, then now is your chance.
( rob, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:29, archived)

I have your signature
therefore I own your soul.

*wins*
( moohalaa, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:29, archived)

in the same vein
if anyone wants a 150o VDo gauge to measure engine coolant temperature, commonly found in MkI Golfs, then just let me know.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:30, archived)

I've got that Simpsons game somewhere.
Terrible at it, I was.
( Kamikaze Stoat £4.09, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:30, archived)

I've never played it
it came in a job lot of other carts, but googling it, it looks completely dreadful
( rob, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:32, archived)

we are the
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanimaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaniaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacs.
( Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:31, archived)

I'm not condemning it, but
why do people buy old computer games?

Can someone please explain this strange pastime?

As soon as a newer, better graphics/gameplay sequel of a game comes out, all versions are forsaken to the bottomless pit, never to grace my console's microchips again.
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:34, archived)

nostalgia
and newer isn't always better.

people still watch black and white films too.
( rob, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:35, archived)

I've bid a fiver on the Mario DS thing
and will be keeping an eye on it.
( Barry Chuckle III - the troll with a soul., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:37, archived)

yeah, the DS games will def sell
possibly the Gamecube ones too. Not sure about the Gameboy stuff.
( rob, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:38, archived)

Shit....
I wrote a little script to MD5 some data and replace it.

Internet explorer just spacked out and opened up a window 20 times.

It's md5'd the md5'd data over and over.

Naturaly, my backup is over a month old

=/
( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:21, archived)

massive dog 5?
Mail Daemon
Masturbate Dodgily
Mandatory Debate
Multi Disk
Masticate Data
( GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:22, archived)

Message-digest algorithm 5
data encryption doodad
(1, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:25, archived)

haha!
man!
( GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:26, archived)

Crumbs,
has that been Shopped? It doesn't look like that beard belongs to him.
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:28, archived)

it was on the site the gentleman linked me too
it's the only bit of humour and sense I could scour from it
( GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:29, archived)

I don't speak nerdlish
so I'm not quite sure what you're on about. it does sound somewhat vexing though.
( frunt It's been a while..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:24, archived)

yeah, I had some trouble representing my extracts
so I toastered them retroactively and arfed them over to my protazoa, so in the end it was X.o.S
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:24, archived)

ooh toast.
*gets honey and marmite out*
( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:27, archived)

honey AND marmite?
i like golden syrup on toast sometimes.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:29, archived)

i didn't actually mean in the sense of "let's have both at once"
but i have had a honey&marmite sandwich before, and enjoyed it.
( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:30, archived)

*copiuosly vomits*

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:29, archived)

you don't like honey OR marmite?
FINE. i also have jam (apricot, raspberry, blackberry), marmalade, peach curd, or cheese or beans or eggs which all need cooking.
( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:32, archived)

I like honey
but not marmite. But I would love some blackberry jam
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:34, archived)

*makes you a honey and bramble jam sandwich*
*posts to "Grrrmachine, Poland"
( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:37, archived)

and peanut butter and chocolate spread.
i hardly ever eat any of these things, either... *shakes head in disbelief*
i did not realise i had so many toast-topping products.
( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:35, archived)

The only bit of that I understood was the =/ at the end.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:24, archived)

how would that help you anyway
Since MD5 is not reversable but is a math algorithem anyway so you could never work back to original data after encoding it.

But with original data and MD5 it you can compare for a match.

In other words what was the point in MD5'ing it in the first place? (since it cannot be decoded to become useful again).
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:25, archived)

I was wondering this too.

( SpoonMeiser, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:27, archived)

It was some password thing...
so instead of storing the raw-text password, I turned it into MD5($password."[some key]") and I encrpyt the password and compaire it on the database.
( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:30, archived)

but wouldn't you be POSTing the data via a form?
meaning that even if you did it 20 times, the script would recieve the same data to begin with 20 times
( SpoonMeiser, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:32, archived)

Nope, it was a simple

// check admin stuff

// Get all the userIDs and Passwords
{
// update user with md5($password."[key]")
}
( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:34, archived)

SO....
...why not store the original password and just MD5 for the search and compare to ensure secure data transition?

Or as I suggest above, start using a reversable encryptuion like mcrypt (free PHP source).
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:32, archived)

Because if someone gets into the Database, they would of had everyone's password.
You should never store them as raw-text, it was just during a beta-phase.

I've never heard of mcrpt, so I wouldn't of used it.
( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:36, archived)

storing original passwords is a big bad smelly thing to do.
md5 the password and store in DB. When comparing passwords you md5 the input, with salt if you like, to the md5 hash in db.

There is *no* reason whatsover to store original passwords, and if anyone got access to your DB, you may well have just screwed over every user.

/securityblog
( Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:36, archived)

"Shit" means you did it wrong.
I don't know what you did wrong.
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:27, archived)

You little sausage

( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:30, archived)

Please
tell us more. I've phoned up all my friends. I've got loads of people to come and gather round my computer to witness your amazing post.
(Monk3yspunkmop3d throws grenades, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:31, archived)

And I
just bookmarked this amazing reply for prosperity.
( SpoonMeiser, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:35, archived)

I have the house to myself
and yet I somehow find myself not wanking furiously. Not wanking at all, in fact.

/meh
( frunt It's been a while..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:21, archived)

You are probably broken

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:21, archived)

sometimes it's not necessary...
...only sometimes though, I don't want to appear queer
( GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:22, archived)

*hugs you*
have a nice cup of tea and a sit down.
( flurokitty 3, 2, 1 lets jam! (+.[___]·:·), Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:22, archived)

check the dictionary for rude words
the "V" section gets me in the mood...
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:22, archived)

NOT WANKING IS OK

( ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:23, archived)

heresy!

( frunt It's been a while..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:24, archived)

Also I am glad your baby is.

( ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:25, archived)

Thanks
still early days, mind.

/cautious
( frunt It's been a while..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:30, archived)

Is it even funny here today?
What rating would you give today on here?
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:16, archived)

6.2 average

( GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:16, archived)

my rating
5 cabbages
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:17, archived)

9.9 because YOU are here JMG

( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:17, archived)

THIS is the best answer so far, and you go to the top of the class.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:18, archived)

35 AMPS

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:17, archived)

4 Coulombs

( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:18, archived)

17.5 Volts

( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:19, archived)

1.35mF

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:19, archived)

Sexy MF shakin' that ass shakin' that ass shakin' that ass

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:20, archived)

No, milli farads, not Mother Fuckers.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:22, archived)

Silly.
If you are (a) a geek, and (b) of a certain age, then it is compulsory to sing 'sexy milli farad shakin' that ass, etc' every time another geek of a certain age mentions milli farads.

It is hilarious.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:24, archived)

And
µF is pronounced like 'muff',
nF like 'naff'
and pF like 'poof'.

Hilarity ensues.
( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:27, archived)

I can't believe you wear Hi Tec trainers, you gay.
u nF pF. u dnt lyk µF.
( moohalaa, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:31, archived)

old? you mean old, don't you.
you old.
( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:27, archived)

50 farads

(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:19, archived)

too late.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:21, archived)

a gentleman never comes first
;-)
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:23, archived)

26 newtonmetres per faradvolt

(1, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:19, archived)

I've just come back from playing Oblivion for a bit.
I'm downloading a 300mb Warcraft update.
I just ate 4 croissants and a can of energy drink.
I have four (FOUR!) jars of marmite in my cupboards, I don't know why.
( moohalaa, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:18, archived)

i got a re-roll because of the update yesterday.
I made this face :/
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:18, archived)

re-roll?

( moohalaa, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:20, archived)

This

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:21, archived)

re-doing all my talent points.
they changed a lot of things for Druids - when they do that they let you re-choose the talent points again.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:37, archived)

I assume by re-roll you mean
a regurgitated sandwich.
( GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:20, archived)

i like you.
you eat croissants.

you will rule the world one day.
( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:18, archived)

Its not as good as myspace

(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:18, archived)

MySpace harbours even MORE fatties than this place.
On MySpace though, you get to upload pictures of "yourself" which aren't actually you.


Oh the connundrum this leaves. :(
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:19, archived)

Damn the fatties

(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:19, archived)

On this place you have to concentrate quite hard to imagine that the fatties and spotties are actually sexually attractive young women
whereas on myspazz they give you a head start.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:22, archived)

I'ts just as shit as any other day

( elusive I'm not really here. You're imagining me, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:18, archived)

1.19 Gigawatts
a little bit extra, and we'd be going places. As it stands, we're just a shakey little teenager in a shit car who hangs around with wierd old men and our own mothers.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:19, archived)

The knobs go to 11
but we're rocking out at about 6
( setimret likes his metaphors mixed, not stirred, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:20, archived)

I knew a boy at school called Nadim
We called him Nads. oh what fun we had playing teh rugby, Go nads

The gonad is the organ that makes gametes. Gametes are haploid germ cells. For example, sperm and egg cells are gametes. The gonads are a combined gland providing both exocrine and endocrine functions.

In males, the male gonads, known as the testes or testicles, secrete the class of hormones called androgens, and produce spermatazoa. The predominant androgen in males is testosterone. In females, the female gonads, known as the ovaries, secrete the hormones estrogen and progesterone, as well as ova. The dominant estrogen is known as estradiol, which is derived from testosterone.


not funny at all. just saying. all.
( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:12, archived)

"all"

( GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:13, archived)

all of mine turned up either on time or early
/ac
( moohalaa, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:13, archived)

There's a red soldier butterfly outside my window.
That's wrong, right?

(edit: you mean 'admiral', you prat)
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:13, archived)

only in the sense
that I thought you were masculine enough not to know what a red soldier butterfly looks like
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:14, archived)

I know what a painted lady butterfly looks like as well.
And a red darter dragonfly. And I can distinguish between species of hoverfly by taste and smell alone.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:15, archived)

I know Red Admiral and Cabbage White
However, I can distinguish between Castrol and Mobil by taste
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:18, archived)

Were there black spots
in your Rye Flour?
( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:15, archived)

that is a bit wrong.
they are also quite rare in the UK now.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:16, archived)

Speshly in January.
There's a robin in the back garden as well. I think the old woman who used to own this house was a wild woman of the woods.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:19, archived)

Time for your medication, Dr. S

( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:16, archived)

Possibly.
But it was there. It fluttered against the window for a couple of minutes then buggered off. Big fucker. Definitely an admiral. And definitely January.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:18, archived)

There was a ladybird here last week
it's all going wrong
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:20, archived)

Confused by the unseasonally warm weather
I should think
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:21, archived)

we all know this
This is GSCE science, not the most challenging crap.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:13, archived)

the morning after a particularly hot kebab?

( GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:14, archived)

No, after 2 weeks of constipation, and a near compacted bowel
eating a box of laxatives.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:15, archived)

could you really hold 2 weeks worth up in you?
doesn't it cause similiar to toxic shock to your system if it's in for a longish time?
( GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:16, archived)

Probably, I'd guess two weeks would probably be the upper limit though
and you wouldn't exactly feel great.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:17, archived)

2 weeks seems a lot
and your distended bits would never recover haha
( GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:18, archived)

Actually, it's not.
It goes all hard and compacted and you start to get a flow of much softer faecal matter which flows around the obstruction and leaks from your bottom.
( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:24, archived)

I love it when you talk shit.

( ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:27, archived)

You must love it
A LOT!
( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:29, archived)

I had to tactfully explain "bollocks" to someone less than an hour ago
to a woman who completely failed to comprehend what I was talking about until I pointed.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:14, archived)

to which she screamed "PERVERT!"
and is now sueing you for sexual harrassment?
( Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:19, archived)

People don't sue eachother in Poland
now that we have capitalism, there are already enough potatoes for everyone.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:21, archived)

There's a fat ginge on the TV
But never mind that, I need ideas for what I can get my secretary to do for me today...
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:06, archived)

Recycle paper
By tippexing out anything you've printed!
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:07, archived)

I was thinking more of things that can be followed by
"... with sexy results".
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:08, archived)

In that case
call up the "Anne summers"/"victorias secret" websites and ask her to "help" you choose a gift for someone...
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:10, archived)

Back Catalogue every biscuit you've consumed in her presence
VIA FINGER PROBING! ... with sexy results
( GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:07, archived)

Got room under your desk?

( setimret likes his metaphors mixed, not stirred, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:07, archived)

Working from home
no desk involved
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:09, archived)

You have an in-home secretary?
Oh, you kinky man!
( setimret likes his metaphors mixed, not stirred, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:10, archived)

Bend over your desk while you spank her and wank on her arse?


Edit: You've got a secretary? How come?
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:07, archived)

And then sit at your desk for several days in a wedding dress shitting and pissing herself.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:09, archived)

I'm going to ask our admin girl to do this when she starts.
:)
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:10, archived)

she could be 8ft and built like a brick shithouse

( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:12, archived)

With a bit of luck!

( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:13, archived)

Keep going...

( Cap'n Tallbeard, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:14, archived)

and she looks like Jeremy Beadle

( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:15, archived)

INRBM has a temporary job
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:09, archived)

Then definitely the spanking.
It's what I would do.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:16, archived)

spanking and wanking
it's teh winnar
( frunt It's been a while..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:22, archived)

But you're not here
in a complete failure of planning.
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:22, archived)

It's a reaction to insecurity in his childhood and an abusive relationship with his soon-to-be-ex wife.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:09, archived)

get her to tell you about your faults
it will make you a better person.
( Whythebigpaws?, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:08, archived)

with sexy results?

( Whythebigpaws?, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:08, archived)

even under all that spunk?

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:09, archived)

Some work?
Thats what i get mine to do
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:08, archived)

GO TO THE MOON

( Cap'n Tallbeard, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:08, archived)

...with sexy results

( Cap'n Tallbeard, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:08, archived)

Get her to put a worm in an envelope and then spank her absolutely pink.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:08, archived)

This almost goes without saying

( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:14, archived)

Get some quotes
Select some random office appliances/supplies from the staples catalogue then ask her to get some better quotes for supplying them from elsewhere.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:08, archived)

Tell her that she needs to strip her assets
while you invest your hidden slush fund
into her niche market opening.

or something.
( moohalaa, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:08, archived)

This sounds like a good idea.

( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:10, archived)

You've got some filthy little fantasies young man

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:10, archived)

It's heterosexual filth
I feel guilty just thinking about it.
( moohalaa, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:11, archived)

pffffffffft

( icklepeach *relurks*, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:22, archived)

Dictaphone.

( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:09, archived)

Do you think she can stick a finger up my bottom while giving me a blowjob and jerking off my mum and fingering my dad... at the same time?

( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:09, archived)

that begs the question...
3 hands or long fingers?
( GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:11, archived)

I reckon an orangutan could do it.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:15, archived)

take a look at her job
description, pick the things that need doing, write a list of the order you would like these things done and give it to her.
You are a rubbesh boss.
( flurokitty 3, 2, 1 lets jam! (+.[___]·:·), Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:10, archived)

But that doesn't sound like much fun

( MONO!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:10, archived)

...with sexy results?

( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:12, archived)

YES !
"Make a list of stuff that [someone else she dislikes] can do around the office."

Then when she makes the list, say "Here, do this..."
( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:11, archived)

make her
staple cabbage leaves to her face
(Monk3yspunkmop3d throws grenades, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:11, archived)

This is going on the list.

( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:12, archived)

Ask her for references....
...specify they must be past boyfriends/conquests etc.

Then make her phone them and ask for a reference.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:14, archived)

And about what position she was applying for
and whether she would be able to work under you. Also, if she was thinking of working her way up...

etc etc.

/filth.
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:16, archived)

She's also demonstrating good experience of manual handling
to say nothing of excellent oral presentation skills and bedside manner
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:29, archived)

based on all the suggestions above
I would love Gizmo to now reveal that his secretary is male, and you've all been imagining spanking a man and enjoying anal foreplay.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:12, archived)

Ufortunately it is worse.
I am his 'secretary' & the 'home' he is working from is my front room.
*bends over*
( ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:14, archived)

room bottom
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:16, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/2446507
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:14, archived)

What is love? baby dont hurt me, dont hurt me no more
Yes /talk citizens I've been haddaway.

Now it is play time. My boss has gone home.

I have to give a short talk to 150 immunologists shortly. What filthy references can I litter the talk with?

Im considering opening with 'Happy Ramadan!'
( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:02, archived)

Get drunk and tell them all to fuck off sanctomonious bastards ruined my life sack ME I MADE THE BBC

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:03, archived)

pffft
you lezzer
( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:04, archived)

"good day spiders and eyelids!"

( GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:04, archived)

I like this.
and not least because i like spiders and eyelids.
( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:04, archived)

you utter bastard
i have the synth line from that song in my head now.
woah oo woah ooo WOOOOO-OOOO-OOOO-WOOOAH-A OOOOOO-WOOOAH-OOOO-OOOOWOOOAH
OOO OOO!
( Whythebigpaws?, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:04, archived)

yeah, that could work.
they have got a great PA system in there.
( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:05, archived)

How is that a filthy reference?

( Newington, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:05, archived)

that is merely the opening my dear robin.

( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:06, archived)

Fuzzy Hannah
Donkey Punch
Ladies' Front Bottoms
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:05, archived)

"of course, nothing can immunise you against the pain of emotional rejection"

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:05, archived)

to the tune of 'Nothing Compares To U'?

( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:06, archived)

I remember singing that whislt driving
"It's been seven hourse and sixteen days... on this motorway" and then revving the engine to the "ahh AHH AHHH ahhhhh AHHHHH" bit
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:08, archived)

Use your
old immunoglobulin gag
with extra burst of splurt and comejuice
within a lympocytic lytic process with added
arse jokes and edgy humour about cytokines
( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:06, archived)

In what way is that a filthy reference?
RACIST
( Cap'n Tallbeard, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:06, archived)

I know some
lovely asian flu's
( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:07, archived)

"Hello....and Goodbye"
Short enough?
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:06, archived)

Say "Immunise this!"
and whip out your small african child
(Monk3yspunkmop3d throws grenades, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:09, archived)

That's the first thing today that's made me laugh
Well done
( Cap'n Tallbeard, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:11, archived)

*bows*
oh, and *arrows*
(Monk3yspunkmop3d throws grenades, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 15:13, archived)