A Short Xmas Quiz
Question 1
A common garden snail crawls at 30mph up a small dark slope at 2230 hours. By the time the snail has reached the top the slope is no longer dark. If the day is 22nd July and the slope was pi radians steep, and also assuming the force of gravity lowers during a waxing moon, it is fair to assume that local wicker baskets can count for no gravitational field strength. How fast is the snail by the time it reaches the height of Birmingham's highest building?
[6 marks]
Question 2
What is the most foreboding word in the technically accurate officiated Queens English Language as of 2002?
[2 marks]
Question 3
Is anything more important than fluffy baby penguins? Give your argument.
[2 marks]
Question 4
Integrate y=4x+3 with respect to my trousers.
[1 mark]
Question 5
If a butcher's dog can reach speeds of up to 28mph on acid, then how fast can four litres of nitric acid reach on the back of a dog?
[3 marks]
Question 6
'Season's Greetings'. Discuss.
[80 marks]
________________________________________
That concludes the test.
_null_,
Tue 24 Dec 2002, 16:46,
archived)
butyou must give your answers in full.
the winner will be announced on boxing day and a prize awarded.
so far, you're winning as you're the only one to reply.
so "woooooo".
(the winner will be announced on boxing day and a prize awarded.
so far, you're winning as you're the only one to reply.
so "woooooo".
_null_,
Tue 24 Dec 2002, 16:52,
archived)
i'm used to multiple choice so...1.a
2.d
3.d
4.c
5.a
6.d
7.b
8.a
*edit* i answered the two 'secret' questions as well...
did i do well?
(,
Tue 24 Dec 2002, 16:55,
archived)
2.d
3.d
4.c
5.a
6.d
7.b
8.a
*edit* i answered the two 'secret' questions as well...
did i do well?
On first markingI found the following flaws:
- Multiple choice is stupid.
- You've invented questions 7 and 8.
But you've shown your working so now you're winning.
(- Multiple choice is stupid.
- You've invented questions 7 and 8.
But you've shown your working so now you're winning.
_null_,
Tue 24 Dec 2002, 16:57,
archived)
That reminds meof the "Conspiracy Theory, paper I" spoof exam I did ages back - before the web. Dark times.
(
Captain Nostril,
Tue 24 Dec 2002, 16:59,
archived)
Answer1. The snail got stepped on halfway up
2. Fucksocks
3. Furtive, because.
4. (T = trousers) Y=4X+3 = T+93*Pi(e)
5. 17Mph
6. A greeting refering to the chain of holidays near the end of the year. I myself prefer Merry Whatever.
(,
Tue 24 Dec 2002, 17:07,
archived)
2. Fucksocks
3. Furtive, because.
4. (T = trousers) Y=4X+3 = T+93*Pi(e)
5. 17Mph
6. A greeting refering to the chain of holidays near the end of the year. I myself prefer Merry Whatever.
Hmm lets give this a go1. Assuming constant speed due to the waxing moon id say 2.45ms^-1
2.Boo
3.The protection of said fluffy penguins. There isnt many of them we need all we can get to win this one!
4. y=4x+3 dy=4dtrousers
5.Not too far off the scientifically measured speed of a walrus on heat, which is equilvilant to the walrus constant 0.45 times the mass of the acid.
6.Bar humbug
(,
Tue 24 Dec 2002, 17:28,
archived)
2.Boo
3.The protection of said fluffy penguins. There isnt many of them we need all we can get to win this one!
4. y=4x+3 dy=4dtrousers
5.Not too far off the scientifically measured speed of a walrus on heat, which is equilvilant to the walrus constant 0.45 times the mass of the acid.
6.Bar humbug
OK1. A bit fast
2. Armadillo Poop
3. Fuffy Penguine Eggs (They make new and better fluffy penguins)
4. Only smarties have the answer...
5. A bit fast
6. In summer you would say 'Hi' Winter, 'Hey' Autumn, 'Yoo Hoo' and Winter 'Oi, Bubblebutt'
I hope I won.
(,
Tue 24 Dec 2002, 18:07,
archived)
2. Armadillo Poop
3. Fuffy Penguine Eggs (They make new and better fluffy penguins)
4. Only smarties have the answer...
5. A bit fast
6. In summer you would say 'Hi' Winter, 'Hey' Autumn, 'Yoo Hoo' and Winter 'Oi, Bubblebutt'
I hope I won.
isn't it supposed to be the holidays? this seems a bit like work1. It's a trick question - Birmingham doesn't have a tallest building, thanks to an obscure local bye-law brought in by a councillor in 1985, with a view to preventing pigeons from roosting in what was, at the time, the tallest building.
2. "Woe unto thee". Wait, that's more than one word. Err.. cuntmuffins.
3. I''d say beer, but it seems to have rendered me incapable of thinking of a good reason why.
4. dy/d(trousers) = 4. respec'. aiiight.
5. 28mph, given that the acid is on the back of the dog on acid
6. "Seasons Greetings" seems like a far better non-denominational alternative than "Happy Holidays" is - it doesn't discriminate against those poor sods who don't have any holidays at this time of year - while it's still giving them some seasonal saluation.
(2. "Woe unto thee". Wait, that's more than one word. Err.. cuntmuffins.
3. I''d say beer, but it seems to have rendered me incapable of thinking of a good reason why.
4. dy/d(trousers) = 4. respec'. aiiight.
5. 28mph, given that the acid is on the back of the dog on acid
6. "Seasons Greetings" seems like a far better non-denominational alternative than "Happy Holidays" is - it doesn't discriminate against those poor sods who don't have any holidays at this time of year - while it's still giving them some seasonal saluation.
teflon,
Tue 24 Dec 2002, 23:22,
archived)
Hrrrm.1. 30mph, the snail is not accelerating and 30MPH is a scaler figure. That is assuming that the snail does not slow down or die.
2. (The) Fear.
3. The fluffy baby penguins parents are more important than the fluffy baby penguins, as without them, there would be no fluffy baby penguins to enjoy in the future.
4. 2trousers^2 + 3trousers + c
5. around 3m/s.
6. Season's greetings seems to indicate that there are different forms of greeting for the different seasons. Personally I have never noticed this and find it a confusing statement.
The term may refer to the fact that Christmas is located in the winter season and so there should be a specific type of greeting reserved for this month. This is a highly prejudiced idea that doesn't fit into the 21st century, and ony serves to create further tensions between the primarily Christian Western and more diverse Eastern hemispheres.
Personally, as a Gaianic Panthiest, I do not consider any single day of the year to be more important than the others. Celebrate them all, or celebrate none of them. However, as an oppertunistic bastard, I feel fully justified in returning home for a few days to receive presents, watch my family fight and get drunk on someone elses tab.
Oh and Thank you, Seasons Greetings to you too.
(,
Tue 24 Dec 2002, 23:23,
archived)
2. (The) Fear.
3. The fluffy baby penguins parents are more important than the fluffy baby penguins, as without them, there would be no fluffy baby penguins to enjoy in the future.
4. 2trousers^2 + 3trousers + c
5. around 3m/s.
6. Season's greetings seems to indicate that there are different forms of greeting for the different seasons. Personally I have never noticed this and find it a confusing statement.
The term may refer to the fact that Christmas is located in the winter season and so there should be a specific type of greeting reserved for this month. This is a highly prejudiced idea that doesn't fit into the 21st century, and ony serves to create further tensions between the primarily Christian Western and more diverse Eastern hemispheres.
Personally, as a Gaianic Panthiest, I do not consider any single day of the year to be more important than the others. Celebrate them all, or celebrate none of them. However, as an oppertunistic bastard, I feel fully justified in returning home for a few days to receive presents, watch my family fight and get drunk on someone elses tab.
Oh and Thank you, Seasons Greetings to you too.