![[challenge entry]](/images/board_posticon_c.gif "Challenge Entry: Extreme Panto"){kind=small}
Quick and fucking filthy
From the Extreme Panto challenge. See all 247 entries (closed)
(, Wed 22 Nov 2006, 18:25, archived)
I'd go see it. It's fun T.J. time1.
Q. Reindeers grow a new set of antlers each year. New antler growth in the spring and summer is nourished by a highly vascular covering called velvet which is shed in August. In 1953 Playboy featured its first ever fold out of a young Norma Jeane Mortenson from the red velvet photography sessions. Marilyn Monroe as she was better known appeared in three films in the year 1953. Can you name all three?
2.
Q. Which of the eight reindeers is Rudolph's mother?
3.
Q. Reindeer eat a moss called lichen. It grows on the ground and is good for them to eat and is naturally purple in color. In 1984 Clarence Williams III played Princes' father in the movie Purple Rain. He also appeared in the 2000 action thriller Reindeer Games. Who starred opposite Ben Afflek?
4.
Q. Which singer first recorded the song 'Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer'?
5.
Q. Caribou and reindeer are not the same animal they are cousins. President George W. Bush, Sen. John Kerry and Hugh Hefner are also cousins (ninth). The October 1981 issue of Playboy's 'Girls of the Southeastern Conference' special featured an interview with Donald Sutherland. What character did his son play in the 2002 film 'Phone Booth'?
6.
Q. Name Santa's reindeers.
7.
Q. Reindeer owners cut a notch in the ears to tell who the reindeer belongs to. Mike Tyson also cut a notch in the ear of Evander Hollyfield during their September 28, 1997 bout in Las Vegas, Nevada. At the Cherry Patch Ranch just north of Vegas what is the house minimum price for a 30 minute visit with one of their 'gifted' employees?
8.
Q. The average speed a full grown reindeer can run whilst pulling a loaded sleigh is 14 m.p.h. In the 1976 film 'Logans Run' Farrah Fawcett-Majors played the part of Holly 13. In 1976 she was also appearing regularly in the Crime/Drama Megahit show "Charlie's Angels". How much was she paid as the character Jill Munroe per episode?
(Q. Reindeers grow a new set of antlers each year. New antler growth in the spring and summer is nourished by a highly vascular covering called velvet which is shed in August. In 1953 Playboy featured its first ever fold out of a young Norma Jeane Mortenson from the red velvet photography sessions. Marilyn Monroe as she was better known appeared in three films in the year 1953. Can you name all three?
2.
Q. Which of the eight reindeers is Rudolph's mother?
3.
Q. Reindeer eat a moss called lichen. It grows on the ground and is good for them to eat and is naturally purple in color. In 1984 Clarence Williams III played Princes' father in the movie Purple Rain. He also appeared in the 2000 action thriller Reindeer Games. Who starred opposite Ben Afflek?
4.
Q. Which singer first recorded the song 'Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer'?
5.
Q. Caribou and reindeer are not the same animal they are cousins. President George W. Bush, Sen. John Kerry and Hugh Hefner are also cousins (ninth). The October 1981 issue of Playboy's 'Girls of the Southeastern Conference' special featured an interview with Donald Sutherland. What character did his son play in the 2002 film 'Phone Booth'?
6.
Q. Name Santa's reindeers.
7.
Q. Reindeer owners cut a notch in the ears to tell who the reindeer belongs to. Mike Tyson also cut a notch in the ear of Evander Hollyfield during their September 28, 1997 bout in Las Vegas, Nevada. At the Cherry Patch Ranch just north of Vegas what is the house minimum price for a 30 minute visit with one of their 'gifted' employees?
8.
Q. The average speed a full grown reindeer can run whilst pulling a loaded sleigh is 14 m.p.h. In the 1976 film 'Logans Run' Farrah Fawcett-Majors played the part of Holly 13. In 1976 she was also appearing regularly in the Crime/Drama Megahit show "Charlie's Angels". How much was she paid as the character Jill Munroe per episode?
M3Essential and The Essentials. LIVE!,
Wed 22 Nov 2006, 18:27,
archived)
1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total — 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.
This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second — a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.
4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload — not even counting the weight of the sleigh — to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison — this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).
5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance — this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.
In conclusion — If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.
(2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total — 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.
This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second — a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.
4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload — not even counting the weight of the sleigh — to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison — this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).
5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance — this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.
In conclusion — If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.
mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this,
Wed 22 Nov 2006, 18:32,
archived)
happy christmas kids!
monstrinho do biscoito teeeshurts = www.nogunarmy.com,
Wed 22 Nov 2006, 18:35,
archived)
AlsoIf we assume that a mere 1% of those 2 billion children (20 million) leave santa a mince pie and each mince pie averages only 100 calories, 3500 calories equating to 1 pound in body fat, that's 5714285 pounds, or 2,592 metric tons gained in one single night. No wonder he's a fat fucker.
(,
Wed 22 Nov 2006, 18:40,
archived)
That's the best laugh I've had in ages.Thanks!
(
Smallbrainfield,
Wed 22 Nov 2006, 18:44,
archived)
blatantly stolenof course
( mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this,
Wed 22 Nov 2006, 18:54,
archived)
1. No idea.
2. Don't know.
3. Never seen it.
4. Sorry.
5. Not sure.
6. Unknown.
7. Eh?
8. Other.
(2. Don't know.
3. Never seen it.
4. Sorry.
5. Not sure.
6. Unknown.
7. Eh?
8. Other.
Brandy_Bumwinkle,
Wed 22 Nov 2006, 18:36,
archived)
DIIIIIIIIVE!!or something....
(
The man with the screaming brain has nothing but total respect for Annie Lennox,
Wed 22 Nov 2006, 18:29,
archived)
That beard looks familiar......seriously, what was the source image. It looks surprisingly like my own fuzzy fizzog.
(
growfybruce,
Wed 22 Nov 2006, 19:10,
archived)
Ah.Not me.
But close enough to be a terrifying warning.
(But close enough to be a terrifying warning.
growfybruce,
Wed 22 Nov 2006, 19:26,
archived)