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# the hare's race is too fast paced for this ho-hum tortoise


inspired by sage francis
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Fri 23 May 2008, 3:21, archived)
# You might try a trade with the Grue for more batteries...
...waite...
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Fri 23 May 2008, 3:24, archived)
# fuck me... thats zork isn't it?
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Fri 23 May 2008, 3:25, archived)
# Yes.
/Neck-bearded geek humour blog

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grue_(monster)
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Fri 23 May 2008, 3:26, archived)
# i used to love the old text based adventure games :)
when i was about 10 my dad acciendtly deleted everything apart from dos off his ancient pc, so being a proto-geek borrowed a bunch of 51/4" discs of my mate's dad that were full of stuff like zork :)
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Fri 23 May 2008, 3:31, archived)
# I've got a bad opinion of many of them.
They often spent much more time and effort to
keep rude words from being used than they
did with the game logic. Rude vocab in some
was ten times the known usable list.

Fucking stupid shits! [/;-)
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Fri 23 May 2008, 3:35, archived)
# thats mad
especially considering smut like leisure suit larry wasn't long after those games
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Fri 23 May 2008, 3:38, archived)
# doesn't someone have a page of swears in 8bit computer games
and the reactions thereof

(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Fri 23 May 2008, 3:49, archived)
# I'm pretty sure it's monkeon.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Fri 23 May 2008, 4:02, archived)
# fucking stupid grue
wait
"time passes"
wait
"time passes"
turn off torch
"YOU ARE EATEN BY A GRUE, TWAT"

bah!
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Fri 23 May 2008, 3:45, archived)
# *hit grue with eleven sword*
you do not have the eleven sword. that's not a thing. you meant to type elven didn't you? too late the grue got you now.
twat.
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Fri 23 May 2008, 3:52, archived)
# hahaha, fucking shitty adventure games
"You see a small gold key in a glass bottle"
:get key
"what key?"
:get key in glass bottle
"the bottle is closed"
:open bottle
"the bottle is protected by an invisible force"
:smash bottle
"the bottle is protected by an invisible force"
:fuck this
"You are eaten by a grue, twat"

(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Fri 23 May 2008, 3:55, archived)
# If ever I need to a game within another thing I will use that exact sequence.
That is the fucking shitty way to do it indeed.
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Fri 23 May 2008, 4:08, archived)
# \o/
some of them were jmust horriffic

had one that basically if you didn't know the exact sequence of directions to go, you were dead

that's it, the end

no logic, no skill, just a case of get it right or wrong, stupid load of crap
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Fri 23 May 2008, 4:11, archived)
# hitcherhikers guide one was like that
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Fri 23 May 2008, 4:12, archived)
# it's just lazy design to do shit like that
it makes me angry

I'll have to schedule running out into the street and burning something later
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Fri 23 May 2008, 4:14, archived)
# Discomeat's diary
4:16AM: b3ta about for a bit
5AM: start one man riot
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Fri 23 May 2008, 4:17, archived)
# 5:13AM Ponder making cheeseburgers
5:23AM Decide to make cheeseburgers
5:43AM Remember that I was going to make cheeseburgers
6:03AM Remember that involves going into the kitchen
6:04AM Discover cheese absence
6:05AM Once stop crying Return to b3ta with a glass of pop
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Fri 23 May 2008, 4:21, archived)
# I envy you and your food.
i'm at the girlfriends waiting for her to finish her fucking translation work, she has only salad food. i'm a red blooded man! i'll die! i'll fucking die!
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Fri 23 May 2008, 4:24, archived)
# I no longer buy bulk lidl 8,000 frozen circles of rancid gut for £1
now I get quality birdys eyes 8 circles of frozen non rancid gut for £2+

:D

I have all the meats! ahh yeah!
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Fri 23 May 2008, 4:26, archived)
# Not enough nudity or violence!
(I helped save b3ta! Ttssattsr, Fri 23 May 2008, 3:29, archived)
# better?
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Fri 23 May 2008, 3:32, archived)
# fuck yeah!
three frames of FUCKING ACTION!

*pukes*
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Fri 23 May 2008, 3:47, archived)
# they should let me direct movies
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Fri 23 May 2008, 3:49, archived)
# I want to make a movie
a total mindless insult to the intelligence plotless action movie

3 elements

dude, hot chick

and evil guy

and in that there's, apc chases with big rigs and exchanges of rockets, fleets of steath fighters, flying helicopters through bank lobbys, on fire, nuclear missiles and fucking people running about screaming in mayhem

should be fun :D
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Fri 23 May 2008, 3:52, archived)
# i call dibs on co-writer
everyone wearing armoured trenchcoats. even the post man and mcdonald's emlpoyees.
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Fri 23 May 2008, 4:02, archived)
# it needs a few mechanical robot nazi's too
hmm, guy in a trenchcoat who smokes a lot, he sounds cool

but is he good or evil?

HAHA ambiguous!

the movie is now deep :D
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Fri 23 May 2008, 4:03, archived)
# ooo pseudo philosophy
"humanity is... a dandelion, mr Kuhl-zoundink-neihm. we are weeds, we grow everywhere, have heads that disperse into the air when blown, taste great as a fizzy liquid when combined with burdock, we... i've got a bit lost here haven't i?
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Fri 23 May 2008, 4:10, archived)
# line copied and pasted for later use
I will try and get this in a script somewhere
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Fri 23 May 2008, 4:12, archived)
# =D good show
i keep meaning to actually get round to writing a damn script but i'm the most work shy person ever. the best i ever managed was adapting a scene from a Robert Rankin novel for the stage.
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Fri 23 May 2008, 4:14, archived)
# it has been asked of me "are you going to write a script or a story"
due to my.. er... obvious issues

but it's like real work

plus putting a coherent narrative even if it's a sequence of one load of cobblers after another is really hard work

and I'm a lazy twat, I'll probably get killed by a grue
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Fri 23 May 2008, 4:16, archived)
# Get the Grue to write it...
...waite...
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Fri 23 May 2008, 4:21, archived)
# that's all we need, grue's with pens
clogging up our ecosystem!

it'll end up in chaos, man, choas! cohas! caohs!

edit: and it just occured to me: grue's with tits
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Fri 23 May 2008, 4:24, archived)
# Rule 34 says Grue got ...
HIS ASS!
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Fri 23 May 2008, 4:34, archived)
# HIS GRUE!
nite nite, sleepy time
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Fri 23 May 2008, 4:38, archived)
# all of my friends expect me to end up a media darling famous for writing a book that everyone bought but doesn't understand
though over summer we should write a b-movie. do a scene each or summat. that way it'd have a wonderful disjointed feel
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Fri 23 May 2008, 4:21, archived)
# haha fuck, maybe, if I have time, I don't know if I will
could be worth a laugh, I guarrantee I won't be able to make 1 shit of sense

:D
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Fri 23 May 2008, 4:23, archived)
# fuckin' a thats what we want. one scene of gibberish then another of cheerful meloncholia
that would be fun
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Fri 23 May 2008, 4:26, archived)
# ok, I'm up for it, b-movie quality shit script
:D
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Fri 23 May 2008, 4:28, archived)
# sexy :)
i've got to help my girlfriend with her translation stuff for a bit. we shall discuss this further tomorrow.

night b3ta
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Fri 23 May 2008, 4:33, archived)
# nite nite, time for sleeps
:D
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Fri 23 May 2008, 4:38, archived)
# If a movie proves to be too large a go.
Drop me a/the story and I'll make a comic out of something for it.
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Fri 23 May 2008, 4:38, archived)
# i like the way you think
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Fri 23 May 2008, 4:40, archived)
#
I should have set this bird down as a blue rock thrush or passero
solitario, for I know these birds breed yearly on the Sacro Monte,
and no bird sings so sweetly as they do, but we are expressly told
that Caimi did not reach Varallo till the end of the year, and the
passeri solitarii have all migrated by the end of August.
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Fri 23 May 2008, 4:12, archived)
# whats that?
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Fri 23 May 2008, 4:15, archived)
# Samuel Butler
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Fri 23 May 2008, 4:18, archived)
# "Brad, you really have to lay off the meth, nobody knows what the fuck you are talking about anymore"
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Fri 23 May 2008, 4:15, archived)
#
A danger of observation and collecting of data is that you end up finding meta-situations;
 perhaps you realize that in the end, all skateboarding is performance art, and then you realize
 that all athletic endeavors are performance art, and then, eventually, you realize that performance
 is one of the main human traits.... and so on, until finally you've encompassed all of existence
 into a huge "meta-performance paradigm" and nobody knows what the fuck you're talking about.

In fact, while you're not being listened to anymore because your stuff doesn't appear to have relevance,
 you occasionally pipe up with "I thought of that first!" when you see someone applying similar
 thought trains to yours in a random forum or situation, and then you act like you "own" all this
 and consider it "old hat" and then you're not just a irrelevant cloud-head, you're an asshole
 irrelevant cloud-head with a persecution complex.
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Fri 23 May 2008, 4:31, archived)
# and then you get eaten by a grue
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Fri 23 May 2008, 4:38, archived)
# And that's just the foreplay to the main event...
HIS ASS!

and cya.
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Fri 23 May 2008, 4:40, archived)
# basically commando then?
(I helped save b3ta! Nathanial Hornblower, Fri 23 May 2008, 7:48, archived)
# I'm drinking guiness and I love everyone
I like your pictures.
(I helped save b3ta! hanke murphy, I'm a mess, Fri 23 May 2008, 3:42, archived)
# hooray!
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Fri 23 May 2008, 3:42, archived)