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# I would like to kiss your bat
I have no interest in crystals.

Will bat provide tongue?
(, Sat 4 Oct 2008, 21:44, archived)
# CRYSTAL TONGUE ONLY.
DEAL OR NO DEAL?
(, Sat 4 Oct 2008, 21:45, archived)
# DEAL!
I HOPE I DON'T GET EATEN BY A DRAGONS :(
(, Sat 4 Oct 2008, 21:46, archived)
# //YOU LEAN FORWARD TO KISS THE CRYSTAL TONGUE BAT...
//YOU WERE EATEN BY A GRUE!

//RESTART?
//Y/N
(, Sat 4 Oct 2008, 21:47, archived)
# Y

(, Sat 4 Oct 2008, 21:48, archived)
# //YOU ARE IN A DARK CAVE.
//AS YOUR EYES ADJUST TO THE DIM LIGHT
//YOU NOTICE TWO PASSAGES. THE LEFT ONE
//SEEMS DARK AND FOREBODING, THE RIGHT
//HAS A FAINT GREENISH GLOW IN THE DISTANCE.

//WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
(, Sat 4 Oct 2008, 21:51, archived)
# //INVOKE THE GOD OF HANDLEBAR MOUSTACHES
(, Sat 4 Oct 2008, 21:52, archived)
# YOU CANNOT INVOKE THE GOD OF HANDLEBAR MUSTACHES
(, Sat 4 Oct 2008, 21:55, archived)
# WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING AT ME
WE ARE THE LEMON IS THE TEXT ADVENTURE, WHAT ARE YOU? MR SHOUTY MAN?
(, Sat 4 Oct 2008, 21:56, archived)
# I'm not shouting!!!!
I'm very far away, but with caps lock on.
(, Sat 4 Oct 2008, 22:04, archived)
# //YOU INVOKE THE GOD OF HANDLEBAR MOUSTACHES
//HE APPEARS FROM A GIANT HAIRBALL AND SEEMS RATHER
//ANGRY. "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?", HE SCREECHES,
//HIS MAGNIFICENT MOUSTACHE QUIVERING WITH RAGE.

//WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
(, Sat 4 Oct 2008, 21:57, archived)
# apply butter
(, Sat 4 Oct 2008, 22:00, archived)
# you...
(, Sat 4 Oct 2008, 22:01, archived)
# :(
(, Sat 4 Oct 2008, 22:14, archived)
# //EAT GRUE
(, Sat 4 Oct 2008, 22:01, archived)
# //YOU EAT THE GRUE INFRONT OF THE MOUSTACHE GOD
//THIS ONLY SEEMS TO ENRAGE HIM FURTHER.
//WITH A CRY OF FURY HE HURLS A CURSE AT YOU.
//YOUR FACE IS COVERED IN RAPIDLY GROWING HAIR!

//WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
(, Sat 4 Oct 2008, 22:19, archived)
# //TAKE SAUSAGE FROM INVENTORY
//HANG FROM MOUTH
//NOB FACE
(, Sat 4 Oct 2008, 22:21, archived)
# //YOU HAVE NO SAUSAGE.
//YOUR FACE IS COVERED IN RAPIDLY GROWING HAIR!

//WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
(, Sat 4 Oct 2008, 22:25, archived)
# //TIE FACIAL HAIR TO STALAGTITE
//USE FACE GROWTH TO ABSEIL DOWN CLIFF FACE
(, Sat 4 Oct 2008, 22:32, archived)