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# HOW ARE YOU, MOHAFO?
(I helped save b3ta! Ttssattsr, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 4:49, archived)
# I've been better
to be perfectly honest with you.
How about you?
(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 4:49, archived)
# A general theme at the moment is anger. Apart from that I'm not too bad.
What's impeding your smiles?
(I helped save b3ta! Ttssattsr, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 4:51, archived)
# My mood always seems to be a polar opposite to everyone else's.
I hope my overwhelming happiness right now can rub off on all of you.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:01, archived)
# I AM ANGRY AT YOU. RUB THIS OFF, YOU BASTARD.
(I helped save b3ta! Ttssattsr, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:02, archived)
# I didn't mean that. I'm sorry.
(I helped save b3ta! Ttssattsr, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:02, archived)
# I HOPE YOU HAVEN'T TAKEN ANY OF MY BANTER TO HEART.
I ONLY DO IT BECAUSE I CARE
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:03, archived)
# YOU BETTER BE FULL OF LOVE AND HAPPINESS, JERK.
(I helped save b3ta! Ttssattsr, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:10, archived)
# I didn't mean that. I'm sorry.
(I helped save b3ta! Ttssattsr, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:10, archived)
# SORRY MEANS IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN, TTSSATTSR.
DON'T APOLOGISE IF YOU DON'T MEAN IT.

YOU'LL BE HAPPIER IF YOU STOP APOLOGISING FOR THINGS YOU DO ALL THE TIME.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:14, archived)
# WOULD IT HELP IF I SAID YOU'RE MY FAVOURITE?
(I helped save b3ta! Ttssattsr, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:17, archived)
# DID IT HELP LAST TIME?
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:24, archived)
# FUCK OFF YOU KNOW IT DID.
YOU WERE SWOLLEN WITH RAINBOWS.
(I helped save b3ta! Ttssattsr, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:24, archived)
# I'M THINKING OF GETTING BACK INTO THE LIFE-COACHING GAME.
DO SOME PUSHUPS AND GIVE ME TEN BUCKS.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:15, archived)
# One of my clients is a corporate coach.
Ten US bucks would buy you just over a minute of their time. Seriously.
(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:18, archived)
# Yeah, I managed to get a few jobs a while back
Consultancy fees are fucking great if you can get them.

It's hard to get more than a couple of days work for any one business at those rates though - the expectation is you'll fix things pretty much instantly.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:21, archived)
# I GUESS THE WORLD JUST ISN'T READY FOR MY SHIFT-KEY ATTITUDE
My perfect job would be like Kato in the Pink Panther movies.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:25, archived)
# I'd be the best kato ever.
FUCK YOU, INTERNET.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 6:13, archived)
# seriously, wanting a corporate coach would be the time i kill myself.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:31, archived)
# You wouldn't be sorry for long if you hired me
the only catch is that I'm not moving to canada
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:35, archived)
# i'm a complete screwup, but i know they're nonsense.
i've done corporate, it's more insipidly predictable than victorian dancing.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:42, archived)
# Name one aspect of life that isn't (except maybe being in love).
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:50, archived)
# driving a moped while drunk with your feet trapped in big glass jars of mayonnaise.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:52, archived)
# I predict a crash and I also guarantee some ankle lacerations.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:54, archived)
# luckily there'll be plenty of mayonnaise about.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:56, archived)
# INSIPIDLY PREDICTABLE.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 6:10, archived)
# Oh but I am.
I'm totally going to shit rainbows into your mouth.

As pinochet said, "through reason or through force".
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:13, archived)
# when i hear the world 'culture', i reach for my friend gronkpan's rectum.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:43, archived)
# And then you realise that the pacific ocean is in the way.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:51, archived)
# you only think i'm in canada.
in reality, i live right next door.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:53, archived)
# At the registry of births, deaths and marriages?
That can't be comfortable.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:55, archived)
# I AM ASSUMING YOU DON'T LIVE ON SHITRAGS BLOCK
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:56, archived)
# assume nothing. i'm everywhere.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:57, archived)
# I don't think we can be friends anymore
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 6:11, archived)
# I have of late but wherefore I know not
lost all my mirth.
(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:15, archived)
# Where did you last have it?
I'm not being a dick, think about where you were last time you were happy.

At the very least you'll know where you lost it.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:19, archived)
# man, i hope he wasn't straddling the bidet at the time.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:33, archived)
# are you kidding? that is what we life-coaches describe as a "quick win".
Either install a bidet or go somewhere that has one and BINGO, HAPPINESS RESTORED.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:36, archived)
# bingo parlours have bidets?
the low-class and poor are a surprising lot.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:46, archived)
# I used the word "bingo" to emphasise the whole "quick win" thing I said beforehand.
I do that sometimes.

BINGO! MISUNDERSTANDING RESOLVED
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:53, archived)
# that's ridiculous.
bingo is a serious game, like baseball and murder.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:54, archived)
# The only mysteries about murder or baseball are the ones that people apply to them.
They're blatantly obvious when all the facts are known.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 6:05, archived)
# you'll be better again soon, i trust.
let us know if we can help.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:29, archived)