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# I'm writing a report...
it's about 87% guff
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:33, archived)
# only 87%?
You need to put more effort in, sir.

Reports should consist of:
• Vapourware
• Suspicions
• Ill-thought-out business models
• Guff
• Poor Professionalism

oh, and it's usually best to drop in some inappropriate words if dealing with Americans, just to confuse them.
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:36, archived)
# I've been TOLD to put in a pie chart
wherever I can. Apparently another unit has been producing statistical reports of a hugely questionable nature and being commended for their beautiful looking pie charts.
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:38, archived)
# Just to see if anyone got the irony (and damn them, they didn't)
i once did a pie chart that had a tiny slice labelled 'Flibbedy Gibbet' making about .5% of the overall, I *so* wanted someone to ask, so I could say "Ah, someone is paying attention..."

Alas not.
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:41, archived)
# ha ha ha
you should do the same report annually and increase flibbedy gibbet by about 2% pa to see if you can get a budget allocated to it...

we're seeing good growth in this area!
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:45, archived)
# put in a graph showing the quaity of various pies like Fry Bentos, ginsters, Pukka Pies etc
(I helped save b3ta! theoriginalsteve <this space intentionally left blank>, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:41, archived)
# aside from the dangerous levels of pastry I consume
I don't see how I could make that relevant to our business...(arg - report-o-speak!)
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:43, archived)
# 'Part of our business strategy', surely?
;-)
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:44, archived)
# Now *that's* a great idea...
*notes down*
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:43, archived)
# Why not print out your report and actually put it in a pastry shell and bake it?
(I helped save b3ta! Dixipoos Bye Bye Blackbird, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:45, archived)
# ha ha ha
this would have been a perfect plan 6 months ago - we've just had our catering budget cut to nothing. We're not even allowed biscuits in meetings.
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:46, archived)
# buy your own, bring them into a meeting and hold them close to your chest, eyeing everyone around the table as if they are going to steal them
(I helped save b3ta! theoriginalsteve <this space intentionally left blank>, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:53, archived)
# Biscuits = 100% meetings fuel

(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:54, archived)
# arf!
(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:48, archived)
# Put in a pie chart depicting the effectiveness of bollocks graphics in reports
(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:49, archived)
# a pie chart is hardly beautiful or informative.
or statistically useful. Do you want any help cooking the satistical books?
(k3b/-\b Peace man., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:53, archived)