'You said something about my great-grandfather?' said Trelly'He was a great warrior,' said the witch.
'Phhht. No he wasn't. He was a caravan driver from Burnley,' replied Trelly.
'That's what your parents wanted you to think. He was a knight in the service of King Quentin, a hundred years ago. He defended these lands for many years, smiting evildoers and poking naughty people with that magical weapon. It's called a glow-pokey-sword, by the way. And the warranty has run out so be careful with it.'
'Urrm, okay...' said Trelly. 'So, what now?'
'Now you have to go home, hope that evil knights haven't killed your parents, then become a knight like your great-grandfather. Evil stalks these lands.'
Trelly raised an eyebrow. Everyone knew evil knights didn't exist anymore, not since the Kingdom became technically a constitutional monarchy and all evildoing was outsourced to the lowest bidder. But, nevertheless, with directions from the witch, she skipped merrily home, trying not to damage too many trees and bunnies and butterflies with her new glow-pokey-sword toy.
('Phhht. No he wasn't. He was a caravan driver from Burnley,' replied Trelly.
'That's what your parents wanted you to think. He was a knight in the service of King Quentin, a hundred years ago. He defended these lands for many years, smiting evildoers and poking naughty people with that magical weapon. It's called a glow-pokey-sword, by the way. And the warranty has run out so be careful with it.'
'Urrm, okay...' said Trelly. 'So, what now?'
'Now you have to go home, hope that evil knights haven't killed your parents, then become a knight like your great-grandfather. Evil stalks these lands.'
Trelly raised an eyebrow. Everyone knew evil knights didn't exist anymore, not since the Kingdom became technically a constitutional monarchy and all evildoing was outsourced to the lowest bidder. But, nevertheless, with directions from the witch, she skipped merrily home, trying not to damage too many trees and bunnies and butterflies with her new glow-pokey-sword toy.
Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 15:17,
archived)
Within the hour,Trelly returned home. Her parents were waiting anxiously.
"What time do you call this, young lady?" said her father. "You're late. Your dinner is getting cold. And what's that great big magical sword thing you're waving at the cat?"
"The witch gave it to me. She's not scary, just a bit loony. Says I have to become a knight and go poking naughty people and stuff like that. Can I be a knight, daddy?"
"Certainly not!" said her father. "Not until you've washed your hands. And stop taunting the cat."
("What time do you call this, young lady?" said her father. "You're late. Your dinner is getting cold. And what's that great big magical sword thing you're waving at the cat?"
"The witch gave it to me. She's not scary, just a bit loony. Says I have to become a knight and go poking naughty people and stuff like that. Can I be a knight, daddy?"
"Certainly not!" said her father. "Not until you've washed your hands. And stop taunting the cat."
Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 15:21,
archived)
Later that night,Trelly thought about what the old loony witch told her. Was the mad crone telling the truth? Or had she just blatantly stolen the glow-pokey-sword from a passing plagiarism? She resolved that, in the morning, she would find out for herself!
So, at about eleven o'clock, Trelly bundled up her glow-pokey-sword, a sandwich, a carton of Ribena from the fridge, her favourite ragdoll and fifty pence she had been given for her birthday, and set off towards the nearby village. It was a short walk, perhaps ten minutes, but the distractions of butterflies and bunnies and a somewhat bored-looking magpie sitting on a scarecrow (which, oddly, was not alive nor willing to accompany her on her quest) ensured the trip took closer to an hour.
(So, at about eleven o'clock, Trelly bundled up her glow-pokey-sword, a sandwich, a carton of Ribena from the fridge, her favourite ragdoll and fifty pence she had been given for her birthday, and set off towards the nearby village. It was a short walk, perhaps ten minutes, but the distractions of butterflies and bunnies and a somewhat bored-looking magpie sitting on a scarecrow (which, oddly, was not alive nor willing to accompany her on her quest) ensured the trip took closer to an hour.
Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 15:27,
archived)
The village of Parpington!With a history going back centuries, Parpington sat astride the river Parp. Nobody knew for sure how it got its name, but suburban legend stated that the great explorer, Oswald the Flatulent, originally discovered the river.
Trelly skipped up the village's main road. She knew that if there was one person in Parpington who would know the truth, it wouldn't be the librarian, Barbie Rossa. Instead, she would ask the official village gossip, Waggletongue Katy.
(Trelly skipped up the village's main road. She knew that if there was one person in Parpington who would know the truth, it wouldn't be the librarian, Barbie Rossa. Instead, she would ask the official village gossip, Waggletongue Katy.
Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 15:33,
archived)
Waggletongue Katy was in her official location,leaning on a garden fence specially erected for her use in the village square.
Katy took one look at Trelly, then glanced at the glow-pokey-sword. "Aren't you a little short to be an Evilpoker Knight?" she said.
"Am not!" said Trelly indignantly. "The witch said it's my destiny to become awesome or something like that!"
"Aye right. Go home, Trelly, and tell your mum that Mr. Daffodil the butcher is secretly a horse fetishist."
So Trelly, somewhat disappointed, wandered back home. On the way, she found a rather shiny pebble so it wasn't a complete loss after all. So, after washing her hands, repeating Katy's gossip and carefully putting the glow-pokey-sword away in her Toybox of Special Cool Things, Trelly ate her lunch.
And they all lived happily ever after.
The End.
(Katy took one look at Trelly, then glanced at the glow-pokey-sword. "Aren't you a little short to be an Evilpoker Knight?" she said.
"Am not!" said Trelly indignantly. "The witch said it's my destiny to become awesome or something like that!"
"Aye right. Go home, Trelly, and tell your mum that Mr. Daffodil the butcher is secretly a horse fetishist."
So Trelly, somewhat disappointed, wandered back home. On the way, she found a rather shiny pebble so it wasn't a complete loss after all. So, after washing her hands, repeating Katy's gossip and carefully putting the glow-pokey-sword away in her Toybox of Special Cool Things, Trelly ate her lunch.
And they all lived happily ever after.
The End.
Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 15:40,
archived)
Dear TribsI am currently in the middle of a shit few days, and YOU have cheered me right up. If I ever have any money ever again, I will buy you a pint. Y'know, if you're ever at a bash. Or something.
Anyway, thanks :D
Yours Gratefully,
Trellis (Mrs)
(,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 15:45,
archived)
Anyway, thanks :D
Yours Gratefully,
Trellis (Mrs)
hahah this is total win*nominates for thread of the year*
(
Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 16:03,
archived)