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This is a link post Hold the front page
We're going live now to news from our asparagus fortune-teller correspondent
 (I helped save b3ta! Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Sat 3 Jan 2026, 7:23, Reply)
This is a normal post Occupation: Asparamancer
I did not predict that.
 (I helped save b3ta! Varmint, Sat 3 Jan 2026, 8:36, Reply)
This is a normal post It's amazing what you can predict by tossing asparagus with GB News blaring in the background

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Sat 3 Jan 2026, 11:39, Reply)
This is a normal post ?

(I helped save b3ta! brb Monkhouse Stampede, Sat 3 Jan 2026, 15:14, Reply)
This is a normal post I read her "predictions" and made an educated guess as to her viewing choices

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Sat 3 Jan 2026, 15:54, Reply)
This is a normal post I don't watch gbeebies
but I do consume a fair amount of 'mainstream' (reliably sourced and responsible) news, and the polls are what they are.

As it stands now (and as I understand it), the Faragists are going to win the most MPs but probably can't form a working majority without the active support of the Tories, DUP, etc. It has long been the position of the Tories that they will not go into coalition with the Faragists, so if they're true to their word (lol) we'll probably have a hung parliament with a minority government in shambles (with soft support from the Tory nutters), presenting the best opportunity for our competitors to fuck us over since WW2, and opening up the state to the worst elements of American vulture capitalism.

As I say, I don't do far-right news sources, and I have not harmed any vegetables to make these predictions.
 (I helped save b3ta! brb Monkhouse Stampede, Sat 3 Jan 2026, 20:15, Reply)
This is a normal post Guardian much?

(Funge Sat, Wed, Tue, Wed, Tue, Sat, Mon, Sun, Sun 4 Jan 2026, 8:51, Reply)
This is a normal post Almost never.
They've been trying to put themselves out of business for at least 25 years, despite having more money than god. They badly need some competent people to step in and run the thing like a newspaper.
 (I helped save b3ta! brb Monkhouse Stampede, Sun 4 Jan 2026, 16:48, Reply)
This is a normal post Thinly disguised promotion
Why BBC, why?
 (I helped save b3ta! FeralCatMan Long ads need comments sections, Sat 3 Jan 2026, 13:15, Reply)
This is a normal post April 1st gets earlier every year.

(Covid69 Boris variant., Sat 3 Jan 2026, 16:48, Reply)
This is a normal post Good to hear an authentic asparagus working class voice...
... welcome change from the avocado liberal elite!

Continued on GBN
 (PhosphorBurnedEyes Swastika Shop opening here soon, Sat 3 Jan 2026, 20:02, Reply)