Just because you've found a hole, doesn't mean you have to stick stuff in it

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Sep 2017, 17:21, 2 replies)

What were the lies like when you were young?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 11 Sep 2017, 12:29, 2 replies)

what lies did your perants tell you?

( $$ ✅, Mon 11 Sep 2017, 9:25, Reply)

That a week was 7 days....

(Gusofnavarone always makes a map of france from sarnies, Thu 7 Sep 2017, 16:16, Reply)

More a lie my brother and I told his kids at Christmas a few years ago
We'd gone up to the Lake District for a family Christmas holiday and the kids were naturally overexcited. To calm them down, we told them that Santa's little green elves were still watching them.

Roll forward to 8pm on Christmas Eve and we have 3 sobbing children who don't want to go to bed because they are "scared of the little green elves in the bedroom". FML.




Also my friend at work tells her kids that the red light movement sensor on their burglar alarm is a santa cam and that he is watching them when they move. Toddler Meatswipe is being told this genius whopper as soon as she's old enough.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Sep 2017, 13:46, 1 reply)

I'm not going to hit you if you tell me the truth.
"But I didn't" SMACK! "OW!"
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 6 Sep 2017, 23:21, 1 reply)

Fellatio is a character in Hamlet.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 6 Sep 2017, 22:49, 1 reply)

In Leeds there's a gay bar with a big sign outside saying 'ATM HERE'.
Disgusting.
(dozers You big spazzer!, Fri 1 Sep 2017, 22:07, 15 replies)

My dad had a splendid 70's goal post moustache
By the 80's it was an awful 80's bank manager moustache. My younger brother, who was about 4, was not deterred and wanted to know how to grow one of his own.

So my dad told him that you needed to pour salt on your top lip so that the little hairs got thirsty and came out for a drink. When they did, you caught them quickly and tied a knot in them, so they couldn't go back in. He demonstrated the knots by showing him the odd grey hair.

Needless to say it ended in a pile of salt, a sobbing child, and a massive bollocking for my lying father from my furious mother.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 31 Aug 2017, 11:36, 6 replies)

guyrim

(dozers You big spazzer!, Thu 31 Aug 2017, 7:52, 1 reply)

There's no such thing as 'can't '
I've yet to put it to the test, but I'm pretty sure I can't survive a fall from 10,000 feet(for instance).
(chuffster, Wed 30 Aug 2017, 13:49, 4 replies)

My parents always told me: be careful who you love. Don't go round breakin'young girls hearts
And I said "young girls?. Don't worry, you won't have a problem with me and young girls"
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Tue 29 Aug 2017, 13:26, 6 replies)

Cheers

(dozers You big spazzer!, Sat 26 Aug 2017, 6:53, 1 reply)

Last post!
In your face Kaol (or whoever normally gets it)
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 25 Aug 2017, 18:52, Reply)

monkeys have tits

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 25 Aug 2017, 16:03, 6 replies)

2 weeks and there's not even a page of answers?
Time to shut it all down
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 24 Aug 2017, 18:42, 3 replies)