As I wait for everyone to get up and find out what has been emptied from Santa's sack
I have remembered a short article I wrote about my dark addiction, so this is a pearoast of sorts - I've not posted it here before and in the spirit of recycling.....

I realise this isn't a confessional site, but having been brought up Roman Catholic I just can't help unburdening myself whenever possible.

You see, I have a problem, an addiction some might call it. I've never been the addictive type, I mean all kids like sherbet dabs and then we graduate onto the occasional cider and before you know it you're being sick outside of Tescos after having one too many glasses of cheap wine.

But this isn't the problem I want to discuss here, no my present problem is far, far worse than that. I'm addicted to online kittens.



Ever since I got broadband I have discovered the wealth of free kitten pictures available online.

It all started quite innocently; someone suggested I change over to Firefox instead of Internet Explorer. Then I found you could use this thing called Stumble Upon, all you had to do was tell it what sort of things you were interested in, and that's where my problems started.

Let's be honest here, everyone who has a heart loves to look at cute little furry things; kittens are beautiful, playful and brighten your day.

So I clicked on the kittens box, thinking that maybe I'd just get the occasional image and no one would know, it can't hurt can it?


Well, sadly that's what I thought, but the first time I clicked Stumble I found some kitten pictures and I was fascinated at the variety of colours, sizes, long haired, short haired, different settingsand the different poses!

I kept clicking and looking at more and more kittens; kittens being cute, kittens being bad, in boxes, lying on tables, on beds, curled up asleep, on the prowl, any way I could get them, I just wanted to see more and more kittens.

I was sucked me in to the fluffeh world of hardcore kittens.

I started to go looking for pictures - something I'd never done before and certainly wouldn't admit to anyone. Before I knew it I was spending hours searching and viewing more and more kitten pics.

To my eternal shame I even got myself a Youtube account so I could look for videos too.


I soon knew where to go looking for fresh kittens; I had Rate my Kitten bookmarked. Then things just started to spiral out of control.


My need for fluffiness was taking over my life so much that I started to cruise local pet shops in the hope of seeing some real live kittens. I signed up to websites where I could meet other kitten lovers; some will even put their kittens on webcam.

My friends stopped inviting me over to their house because they knew I would only come if they had cats.


When my friends started to notice my fixation one of them sat me down and discussed my needs. They made me realise that I was loosing touch with the real world, that I probably couldn't keep a kitten myself, that my fixation wasn't based upon real life kittens, kittens who need feeding, who use a litter tray, who scratch the furniture and leave fur everywhere, they really laid it on the line for me - they even mentioned fleas. My expectations for kittens just weren't real and until I could accept that kittens are not just loveable bundles of fluff but real, living, breathing creatures, with needs then I simply won't be able to handle keeping a kitten of my own.



So I'm trying each day to cut down on the amount of kittens I look at online. It's not easy, but it was beginning to ruin my life; when you're in the pub it's far easier to admit to being addicted to alcohol or drugs even, but not teh fluffeh kittens.

One of the most effective ways to keep me away from them I've discovered is to look at online porn; there's no shame, everyone does it.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 7:59, 4 replies)

Merry Christmas chickenlady!
May you see kittens wherever you go today :)
( chart cat has an itch, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 8:34, closed)

awww kittens :-)

( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Thu 25 Dec 2008, 11:57, closed)

cats.
Hi, Well i read your post, and i think your mates are being a bit harsh.
I run a small private cat rescue and im going to say: Kittens are wonderful! full of mischief and mayhem and full of love. They really arent that hard to look after. I always recommend cats are kept totally indoors, that way - no fleas, worms, dead things, disease....to name a few. A nice big scratchy post will cut down furniture eating... and cats are very intelligent, you can train them much like a dog with perseverence.

In other words: dont be put off by what other people say. With the amount of love you seem to carry a little bit of poop and cat food will be easy for you to handle!! go give a needy kitteh a home, they are waiting to picked by you!!!
(Serbitar Has a furry shit canon called Whitey., Thu 25 Dec 2008, 13:19, closed)

Sorry, reminded me of an old one...
Old chap walks into a confessional, sits down and says, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned."

"We are all God's children, my son, confess your sins and ye shall be forgiven. Please continue."

"Well Father", continues old gentleman, "Last night, I was lonely, so I left my TV, dressed up in my finest, called some old friends and went to the pub. I hadn't even tasted beer since my wife passed some months ago. It was wonderful.

It was later on, after a few chasers, that I found myself outside a club, smoking. I haven't had a cigarette in five years.

Two blond girls came up and started talking to me, they can't have been over nineteen. I seemed to make them laugh quite easily, and I relaxed for the first time in months."

"Well", says the priest, "There's no sin here"

"Oh, I know, Father, but they were buying me drinks and dancing, and we were having such a time. When I said it was time for me to go, they looked so sad and asked if they could come with me for a cup of tea. Well, I couldn't leave two sweet girls out on a cold night topay for an expensive taxi, so I told them that would be wonderful"

"There's no shame in helping two girls out like this", said the priest

"No Father, I know. Well, they came back with me, but while the kettle was boiling, they started arguing about some boys they knew who had told them they were ugly. I said I didn't understand, they were so pretty. They said I was a very sweet liar. One girl then took my hand and placed it on her breast, saying the boys she knew didn't like them. It felt very firm, the young nipple swelled in my palm like a pellet. I told her it seemed very nice to me.

Her friend took my other hand, and placed it on hers, asking me if they felt as nice. I said they were both equally wonderful.

That was when the first girl started rubbing herself against me, and well Father, I committed a carnal sin. First with her, then with her friend, before they started pleasuring each other and me at the same time.

We must have been at it all night, the beautiful, blond, nubile girls enjoying each other whilst I enjoyed them, each in turn, both together, every way you can imagine. We lay for a while in a sticky mess, the girls sliding over each other in the wetness until we all drifted off to sleep.

When we all woke up this morning, they just gave me a kiss and left with barely a word, telling me to be there the same time next week."

The priest, by this time, was feeling rather warm; blushing and stuttering, he tried to squeeze the words out, "Well, my son, how, erm, how long is it since your last confession?"

"Confession, Father?", replied the old chap, "But I'm Jewish."

"So what are you telling me for?", blustered the Priest

"I'm telling everyone!"
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 15:05, closed)