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This is a question Best and worst TV ads

"I'd like to give that dodo off the 5 Alive adverts a good kicking," says tom.joad. And luckily, there's tasty, tasty Cillit Bang to clean up the blood stains when you've finished. Tell us about TV adverts.

(, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 15:17)
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Case Study: Head and Shoulders
Specifically, this saucy little number here.

The purpose of this advert is to encourage men to buy a particular brand of anti-dandruff shampoo. Right from the off, we can see several clear signs that this advert is designed to trigger certain elements of the male psyche: a young man is in a locker room with several of his peers. This suggests he has just participated in some sort of team sport, because that is what men (GRRRR) do. His face is dirty, which suggests it was an outdoor sport, which is, as everyone knows, far more manly (GRRR) than any of those girly indoor sports.

He enters a shower cubicle carrying a bottle of the product in question. The scene cuts to him moments later, his face cleaned of the very manly (GRRR) dirt, opening the bottle and taking a sniff. He sees a bright light from the other side of the shower curtain and immediately throws the shower curtain back to investigate.

Such behaviour is, in real life, foolish. Any normal human being would have assumed that the scene on the other side of the curtain would still be much the same, save for the additional light source, and so whilst throwing back the curtain would, granted, allow him to see what was occurring, it would also result in him exposing himself to his rather surprised team-mates.

He's quite fortunate, therefore, that the scene has completely changed and his team-mates have been replaced by a gaggle of attractive women. Dressed as nurses, no less. And not the sensible, blue-clad NHS ones, oh no, proper Carry On-style nurses with short skirts, seamed stockings and all the rest. All of a sudden this advert has departed completely from any sense of reality and into the realms of deluded sexual fantasy that even most QotW regulars would stop and think twice about. Suddenly, I like where this advert is going.

Even better for him, the nurses are unsurprised by the presence of this partially washed, naked man. Some might even say they were expecting him, as they do a little dance and sing a little song for him. The little dance leads to a group pose cleverly (mercifully) designed to obscure this chap's tackle, as one of the nurses leans in close and sings
"Don't you just love moments like these?"

Well, don't you? Actually, I'm not sure I've had enough experience to say. The closest I've had to such an experience was one week when no fewer than four female doctors ended up examining my testicles. "Doctor" and "Nurse" are two distinctly different professions, and even if any of them had been nurses, I somehow doubt they'd have done a dance or sung me a song whilst feeling them. (One of them did slather a load of cold goo over them, but that's a different story altogether...)

So based on that experience: no, I probably wouldn't love "moments like these." If anything, I'd probably be slightly alarmed that I'd just inadvertently exposed myself to a group of beautiful women, which would have led to even deeper embarrassment as the dance routine broke down in fits of giggles relating to my pitiful genitalia. (Though if you pause the video at 0:04, it does look as though the blonde and the redhead at the back are trying their best not to laugh at his...)

But then perhaps I'm missing the point here: clearly the implication of the advert is that the shampoo will make you irresistible to women (even nurses, who you'd normally expect to be more professional about this sort of thing), even though all it actually does is smell nice and clear up your dandruff. Clearly, they've learnt from the Lynx deodorant adverts that impressionable young men will buy your product if they think it will improve their chances of regular, hot, steamy nookie. To such young men, I have some bad news, and it's probably best that you hear it from me, because goodness knows I had to learn it the hard way: not having dandruff and not smelling funny do NOT automatically make you an irresistible lothario. Not having dandruff and not smelling funny are basic prerequisites to being socially acceptable, and they will certainly be necessary steps on the road to becoming passably attractive, but unfortunately, women are not going to fall at your feet and suck you off just because you've been good enough to try and mask your Eau de raging hormone with a can of something which makes you smell like a teenage boy's bedroom.

In fact, it's only just after the "moments like these" line that we get an aerial shot (complete with conveniently placed, todger-obscuring steam) of the ensemble, with the subtitled disclaimer:
"Claim based on visibility of flakes at 2 feet when used regularly,"
and as they all look up at the camera, around 0:18, their faces are almost saying to me,
"Come on, look closer, you can still see the dirty bugger's dandruff!"

And then they all disappear, as the poor lad realises he just imagined it. Call me old-fashioned, but I'm not sure I would trust a shampoo that makes me hallucinate sexy, dancing nurses, especially if it would lead to me deludedly throwing back the shower curtain and exposing myself to my peers whilst in the middle of some cheap wank fantasy.

Finally: 0.23. Watch the bottle. See what it does at 0.25? Come on, that's not even subtle. I had barely managed to yell "Fnar Fnar!" at the television when the drop landed in that chap's hair.

Based on all the evidence before you, I put it to you that this advert is hilarious, more than a little camp and ever-so-slightly arousing. A bit like watching The Rocky Horror Picture Show for the first time, you know, before you get the horrible surprise of realising the tall one is Tim Curry. Personally, on account of my naturally dry skin, I've been using various anti-dandruff shampoos for years and whilst they seem to fulfil their basic function, I've yet to encounter any nurses in the shower. Sod it, I'm off to the hospital to see if a female doctor can fondle my bollocks again.
(, Fri 16 Apr 2010, 11:06, 4 replies)
I like this
Well written and all funny and stuff.
(, Fri 16 Apr 2010, 11:25, closed)
This made me chuckle.
(, Fri 16 Apr 2010, 12:31, closed)
Completely agree
However I think Head and Shoulders knew you were going to write this, judging by their most recent advert. Have a look for Jimmy Bullard's Head and Shoulders ad. If you're not a footy fan, you might want to know that he'sjust about the only likeable player left in football

Oh, and clicks and stuff for being funny
(, Fri 16 Apr 2010, 13:26, closed)
Most recent?
I could have sworn I only saw that one for the first time a couple of days ago...
(, Fri 16 Apr 2010, 13:36, closed)

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