TEEN SEDUCTION
When I was a kid I had the hots for a girl in my class named Toni (blokes name, but the endless hours spent staring intently at her bumpless trousered undercarriage zone during double geography made me pretty damn sure she was almost definately of the female persuasion). While my classmates learned about the plight of South American coffee farmers, I sat there – eyes all squinty – trying with all my might to suddenly develop the powers of x-ray vision. One time I strained so hard I let out a rapid fire succession of machinegun farts and nearly passed out. Toni was not impressed. Nobody wants to go out with a lad with a wibbly arse who’s apparently so unfit he nearly loses conciousness while sat at a desk.

I needed to do something to win her back. Short of stapling a photo of my cock on her homework book, I was completely out of ideas. Then it dawned on me. I saw it in an advert. At the time back in the not-so-PC eightees these bastards were on the TV constantly. They worked. They were fucking hot and to my thirteen year old mind the secrets of seduction contained within the thirty second-or-so segments was pure solid fucking GOLD.

So the next day at lunch I made sure I positioned myself opposite Toni and her mates in the school canteen. I ate my chips, egg and beans in silence and then – my secret weapon – I pulled it out, unwrapped it, and started to eat...

... in exactly the same way they did on the ads.

After a couple of moments one of Toni’s mates nudged her and she stared up. I was scared, but I kept going. I was elated. I had her attention! I was onto a winner! I was definately gonna find out if she was a bloke or a bird!

Then I ran out of chocolate. There was an awkward pause. Then Toni said simply and quietly: “Freak,” stood and trooped off to the playground with her friends, leaving me alone, dejected. Unloved. And most importantly of all un-touched-on-my-tadger.

My best mate Greg siddled up to me: “What the fuck was all that about?”

I explained my devious plan to get a bit of teen quim (though in hindsight I’m fucked if I’d have known what to do with it if my plan would’ve succeeded).

Greg just shook his head: “Now that’s really, really, REALLY fucking stupid. You know that only looks sexy if a woman does it? I mean, seeing a bloke give a blowjob to a Flake is just, well, just fucking weird”
( SpankyHanky, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 10:13, 13 replies)

You know..
.. this is about the only actual story posted on this week's question, and for that certainly deserves a click. That and the fact that it's damned good!
( Ugi , it's a game of give and cake, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 10:47, closed)

The only story?
No it isn't and no it isn't.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 11:21, closed)

This is bad, and I'm sorry, but I've had about enough.
but the flamers are getting out of control. Guys, if you do't like stuff, fuck off. There is some shit here, but we can ignore it easily!
I hate crap stories. The true ones are best, but most have a degree of invention.

Regular, popular, good, longtime posters like PJM, Pooflke Legless, Chickenlady, CCB etc are leaving, and frankly, they were better stories than most of hours - truth and iction judiciously weaved.

So, Plumdozer, in recognition of your many posts and financial contribution...

"Growing up I was treated to the regular sight of my mum being slapped, kicked, punched, pushed, throttled, humiliated and just generally treated like shite."

Shame it wasn't you, you wanker.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 22 Apr 2010, 12:23, closed)

it's not the only story though
the quality of it is up to the reader to decide

by all means complain about the flaming, but do it when there is actually some flaming going on
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 12:29, closed)

I agree entirely,
but the sheer negativity of people is getting to longtme members of qotw. Many of us only use qotw, as it's lighthearted fun and requires no skill other than literacy and the ability to tell stories.

The flamers and some from /talk, although it's a great board in itself, are damaging qotw and sometimes it pisses me off.

Play nice - pick up on illiterates, sure, or fucking idiots, but otherwise if there's nothing nice to say, say nothing!
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 22 Apr 2010, 12:32, closed)

You had a weird and wonderful upbringing matey
And it never fails to amuse us :) *clicks*
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 11:31, closed)

So, was it a typical
two weeks jollies or was it, as I suspect, 2 weeks of deprived future QOTW fodder?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 11:43, closed)

New York's
just like London except with more swearing. Its fucking GREAT!!!
( SpankyHanky, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 11:48, closed)

I've been to neither
I have to been to Scunthorpe though which is like Withernsea but inland and more monochrome.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 11:56, closed)

The most 'wanna kick myself in the head for being a complete twat' moment
happened to me in Scunny. Ahhh, Scunny... Basically, instead of getting my rocks off with the girl of my dreams I ended up going on the piss with a load of Fulham supporters. Got so drunk I forgot where I was staying and woke up in a bath in one of the Fulham lad's hotel room's. At least there was no water in the bath. That was a bonus, I suppose.
( SpankyHanky, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 11:59, closed)

*clicks*
Only one for this weeks QOTW as someone said.
(Archeleus hates cabbage, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 12:04, closed)

page 20
second from bottom
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 12:06, closed)

NO.

(viciousal, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 12:34, closed)