When seals attack
My wee sister spent a summer or two working in the Northern Ireland Aquarium (essentially a large fish tank in a field thirty miles from Belfast). The Aquarium's big draw is a seal sanctuary where all the cute ickle babby orphan seals are raised. The mascot of the place is, therefore, Neil the Seal.

To the delight of pretty much no one, each summer a member of staff had to dress up as Neil the Seal and walk around talking to the kiddies. This involved donning a giant brown rubber suit and big foam seal head, and required another member of staff to steer poor Neil through the screaming school children. I don't know who the hell thought it would be a good idea to assign this duty to my wee sister, but they must have had a death wish.

My wee sister, who has the deserved reputation of scathing grumpiest bitchqueen from hell, was duly bundled into the suit and dispatched to be upbeat and merry among the kiddies.

No.

When her boss returned half an hour later she was standing in the middle of the playground, foam seal head tucked firmly under one arm, chain-smoking like a French philosopher, glaring at the little shits who were trying to stand on her rapidly-shortening rubber tail.

"Er, are you alright?", ventured her boss, at which she took the cigarette out of her mouth for long enough to formulate some very salty swear words which were fortunately drowned out by delivery truck reversing nearby.

Thing about it is, seals are aggressive creatures. I think she was spot on in her portrayal.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 10:35, Reply)