the swarm of DEATH.
well, not really.

about 10 years ago, my friends and i decided that, as it was rather a lovely day, it would be a good idea to head to the beach with a picnic.
we packed into the car, joanne driving, me in the passenger seat, alison in the back with joanne's 7-year-old twin sisters, toni and leanne. all was well.
there are 2 beaches locally, so we decided to head to the nearest one. it took us only 5 minutes to get there and there were plenty of parking spaces. on such a wonderfully sunny day, the lack of other cars should have been a warning in itself.
we unshipped the kids and started to get the picnic things out of the boot, when we noticed them.
ladybirds. hundreds of them.
they had been hanging around a bush in a huge cloud but, upon seeing us pull up in our bright yellow car, they had come to investigate. we quickly bundled ourselves back into the car and took off for the second local beach 2 miles away.
we soon arrived and were cheered to see several other cars and many happy beachgoers. within minutes, myself and my bikini-clad comrades were setting our picnic lunch out on a blanket, whilst the children paddled in the surf. there were one or two ladybirds, but we didn't mind that. if they'd come from here, there were bound to be a few stragglers.
what we didn't know was that these were not stragglers but an advanced squadron, sent on ahead to scout for victims.
in what seemed only to be seconds, the sky was black with insects. there were millions of them. the main attack force had arrived.
panic set in instantly, with screaming, ladybird-covered people running everywhere. we ran for the car which, due to its cheery paint job, was now covered in a crispy insect coating. we tried sweeping them off with our arms and discovered that ladybirds bite.
the twins were almost hysterical, ladybirds flying into every orifice they could find. trying to fight them off was almost impossible, they outnumbered us by about 1,000,000-1. we told the girls to jump as high as they could, thus dislodging their colourful hitch-hikers before we threw the car doors open and dived in.
a few of them got in with us, of course, but we were away from the main onslaught and could begin trying to calm the twins. apart from the subdued crying, we were fairly silent on the journey home, each of us stunned and a little disturbed by what had happened. ladybirds are supposed to flit prettily around the garden, not attack you.
it's safe to say that i now have ample supplies of both flypaper and bug spray in my house. i'm not going through that again.

length? minutes, but it felt like hours.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 17:46, 8 replies)

They may have been looking for the Prof.!
www.b3ta.com/questions/animals/post148359
( Jessie © needs pirate name suggestions, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 17:50, closed)

if they ever find him
i feel very sorry for him
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 17:59, closed)

Holy shit!
Another bit of my childhood turned vicious. Next you'll be telling me that damselflies are violent too!
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 25 Apr 2008, 19:10, closed)

i don't know about damsel flies
but i've got a nasty scar about the size of a 50p coin on my ankle. i got it by being bitten by a horsefly last year.
i didn't know i was allergic to horsefly bites.
my leg almost went septic, i was on antibiotics for a fortnight and it took 3 months to heal.
all from an hour's sunbathing in my garden.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 19:20, closed)

Horseflies
are the very definition of evil. When they bite it's like getting stabbed deep with a red-hot needle.

Damsel flies are like teeny little bright blue or green dragonflies. They're about as harmless as you can get- apart, perhaps, from a butterfly.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 25 Apr 2008, 19:24, closed)

harmless?
what about the quantum weather butterfly?
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 19:26, closed)

Hahahahah
poor Smash!
( ClanSoul, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 19:33, closed)

thanks a bushel!
it was quite traumatic, actually. i've been bitten by loads of different creatures, i'm just naturally tasty ;)
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 19:36, closed)