Slow Motion Mugging...
.
I was mugged by a goose once. In slow motion.

I was happily fishing one day, rod out in the water (stop sniggering Tourettee's!), enjoying a calm Autumn day. I was sitting on my wee fold-up stool, fishing bag to the left of me and plastic tub of maggots to the right. Then I heard it.

taptap-rattle-rattle-rattle...

And I looked over. Standing next to me was an enormous grey goose with a couple of maggots wriggling in it's beak. It was staring straight ahead and pretending not to see me. So I looked back at the river.

taptap-rattle-rattle-rattle.

Beak straight into my maggots again. As soon as I looked at it, it stared straight ahead with a

"wasn't me" look on it's beak.

Sigh.

So I got up and moved about 20 meters down the bank, set-up my gear, and sat back down on my stool.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Mr Goose. He took one slow step sideways towards me. I looked at him and he froze. I looked away and he again took one slow step sideways.

It took him about half an hour to sneak 20 yards and then:

taptap-rattle-rattle-rattle

Head in my bait box again.

Enough was enough so I swung my plastic bag of sandwiches at his head and the bastard exploded into goosey fury. Hissing and snapping and flapping his wings, the bastard chased me up the tow path with me trying to run in chest waders. Then he went back and polished off my maggots and, to add insult to injury, nicked my sandwhiches as well.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Sun 27 Apr 2008, 2:38, 7 replies)

The thieving gypsy bastard!
I have the most delightful mental image of you trying to run in chest waders....

Sounds like synchronised goose-stepping :o)

*sniggers at Legless getting his rod out*

xxx
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Sun 27 Apr 2008, 12:02, closed)

Excellent!
magic mental image that created.

*click*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Sun 27 Apr 2008, 12:18, closed)

I Haven't
got the writing skill to adequately describe the goose's sideways shuffle up the tow path.

It never looked directly at me - it always seemed to be staring at something it found really,really interesting on the far bank. Then this little foot would poke out at a 90 degree angles and it would take a lurching step sideways.

Honest to God, the bastard was sneaking up on me.

You need someone like Terry Pratchett to describe what it looked like.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Sun 27 Apr 2008, 14:07, closed)

Maybe
Herr Flick in a goose suit?
(osok Rebel without a clue, Sun 27 Apr 2008, 22:28, closed)

or
someone running downstairs 2 at a time (or is that only me)
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 3:02, closed)

you should have punched it
for some reason I find the thought of someone punching a goose to be incredibly amusing
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 10:31, closed)

agree with Vipros
or a Swan - show-off bastards, Swans.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 17:09, closed)