Mugged by a monkey
Before I had my digestive tract raped in Phnom Penh last autumn (see www.b3ta.com/questions/shitstories2/post135111), we stopped off in Siem Riep for a few days, to wander around the temples, the nearby floating villages, and the deep-fried-insect eateries around various parts of the town.

Our first day there was spent, appropriately enough, watching the sun rise over Angkor Wat. We got there at 5am when it was still pitch black, and made our way over the bridge into the temple complex by torchlight. There were quite a few people there, and there was an audible hum of excitement as the looming presence of the towers became discernible against the slowly-lightening sky.

And so on and so forth. Because, spectacular as that all was, watching the great sun-god ushing his flaming dungball of incandescent shit across the sky doesn't have anything to do with animal attacks.

No, that came later that morning. The sun, defying all expectations, had successfully risen, and was busy heating up the misty citadel. Having got up rather early to watch the dawn, my group (there were 10 of us, including the guy we'd hired to show us around for the day) settled down on some steps around the side of the main temple on our own, facing onto the forest, to eat the breakfast provided by the hotel.

Which turned out to be a stale baguette and a hardboiled egg. Yum.

As we started breaking out the food, we noticed that there were a few macaque monkeys sitting on various roofs, watching us. A couple were timidly edging forwards, as if to investigate us and say hello. Awww, we thought, how sweet.

Wrong.

Monkeys were coming from all directions, and quickly outnumbered us. They were all fairly small, but when one sat next to us and noncholantly yawned, displaying some impressive-looking fangs, we decided to move somewhere where there were a few more humans to keep us company.

Then the monkey-king came along. He was the same height as the others, but twice the weight: incredibly solid and muscular looking, and not timid at all. He came within a few feet of us, and looked at us all meaningfully. He kept looking at me. He then ran at me, teeth bared. One hell of a scary moment. I did what any self-assured young woman would do in this situation: screamed like a little girl and threw my hardboiled egg, which I'd just finished shelling, at his head. Whereupon he stopped, picked up the egg, peeled off the white, and ate the yolk. Then he ran away. I swear I could hear him sniggering.

Bastard monkey. Mugging me for an egg.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 16:02, 17 replies)

heehee
I only got mugged by the endless stream of children that insisted on telling me about the ruins I was quite happy sitting quietly in before demanding money or offering my drugs.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 16:07, closed)

Nice one...
At least you didn't get raped by the Monkey-King.
...

Just sayin'
( Cawl, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 16:07, closed)

Unholy trinity -UNITE!
This story made me chuckle, I'm full of the love today.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 16:14, closed)

^ Stop it.
I'm so much more than just "one of the three goat-fuckers".

I'm a person in my own right too.
( Cawl, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 16:18, closed)

It's Morphin' time!
Power up the crystals!

Bagsy my Zord will be the middle leg.

Heeeeya!

Go-go Goat Arrangers, you Mighty Morphin' Goat Arrangers...!

Kaol, you are just another goat-lover, get over it.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 16:22, closed)

*morphs into skintight lycra suit*
Mmmmmmmmmm

*frottages Bert*
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 16:25, closed)

I'm not the one in the photo...

( Cawl, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 16:28, closed)

Frottage?
Isn't that horse ballet?
I'm just kidding, I know it means you're rubbing me.

We've got to rescue the town from the crazy dubbed Japanese lady!

*jumps*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 16:28, closed)

HAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!

(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 16:29, closed)

Yes you are


you made me do this.

I hope our replies aren't detracting from Bob's very good post, I like Bob, hello Bob!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 16:32, closed)

sadly Bert
I think our replies almost always distract from otherwise very good posts.

Unless we do them on shit posts, in which case they improve them immeasurably.

But this is a good post, so we are distracting.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 16:39, closed)

Hmm...
I don't think we should let that stop us though. If people don't like it, well that's what the 'ignore' button is for.

I find all of our conversations highly amusing, and having a large number of replies can only attract other people's attention to a post, so we may actually be doing them a service.

:D

EDIT just what exactly is a lolminge anyway?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 16:42, closed)

*opens coat*
you can see why I wouldn't want to loan it to CHCB. She would be too rough on it.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 16:48, closed)

Hello you three!
Nope, please don't stop posting here. I like it, it's funny, and it makes me look popular. So woo and yay for the Goatular Trinity.

I don't know what a lolminge is, but I'm not prepared to see if there's a "Icanhaslolmingeburger?" type website while I'm still at work.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 16:49, closed)

I have been toying with the idea
of posting some lolminges, but they really would be NSFW, so kind of pointless.

Unless.....*has idea*
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 16:51, closed)

OH NOES!
My eyes al, my beautiful, beautiful blue eyes!
Please keep your lolminge under wraps in future.

Thanks Bob, you sure know how to make a guy feel loved. :)
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 16:58, closed)

When I went to Angkor Wat
The sun didn't rise over it properly, it was cloudy, and there was only one monkey! And the little kids! Fuuuucking hell!
(Ethong is enjoying Cardiff. Especially Bogiez., Mon 28 Apr 2008, 20:55, closed)