Eeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwww
.
Just last night, I was doing some weeding in the garden - not late at night you understand, back of 6.

There I was, kneeling on the grass, pulling up weeds and muttering about f**king dandelions and f**cking clover. I was being constantly distracted by JuniorWitch #2 on her bike and muttering, in between curses against the weeds, "If she doesn't stop ringing that f**cking bell I'm breaking it" so I wasn't really looking at what I was doing.

All of a sudden I felt an odd sensation on my hand and glanced down. Eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwww. There was a huuuuge slug crawling over my hand, or wriggling, or whatever the hell it is they do. I shot to my feet like I'd been electrocuted and proceeded to shake my hand like Michael J Fox on a really bad day. The bloody thing didn't fall off. Much more shaking followed before I finally grabbed the trowel and knocked it off. I then jumped on it when it hit the grass (not stepped on it, jumped on it) to make damn sure it wasn't trying that again.

By this stage, JuniorWitch has abandoned the bike and is watching with unmistakable glee as her mother performed a deranged dance routine on the grass. Little sod was laughing so hard I'm surprised she didn't wet herself.

I told her I was going to put a shallow dish of beer out to drown any other slugs invading our space and she told me, completely straight-faced and seriously,

"You'll have a hard job, Dad's drunk it all."

Her face when she said that reminded me so much of my mum's patented "Disapproving Parent/Wife" face that I really wished I had a camera in my hand. I pity any poor bloke brave enough to take her on when she grows up!

WeeWitch 1 - Slug 0
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 30 Apr 2008, 14:02, 7 replies)

Wet bread
That's what they feel like, well the white ones do. Or did the last time I picked one up. Eeeeewww!

Chickens love them - they race around trying to mug each other when one has a slug in its beak.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 14:16, closed)

I need to get some chickens then
cos anything that can eat them is in my good books. I could still feel the bloody thing hours later ..... spent the whole night cringing.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 30 Apr 2008, 14:18, closed)

Are you quite sure...
...that she didn't inherit that face from you?
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 14:45, closed)

Yes! Get chickens!
No need for any cockerels, just get two or three hens, they eat all the weeds (and veg/flowers if you let them) and the nasties like slugs, snails and leatherjackets. They'll also eat some of your kitchen waste - veg stuff - they love curry leftovers especially pilau rice.

And in return they'll lay you a nice egg around 350 days a year (depending on breed).
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 14:47, closed)

@Che
Nope - I checked with hubby last night - 'cos I was afraid of the same thing. It's a seriously scary look - especially on a 7 year old!
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 30 Apr 2008, 14:51, closed)

I am not sure I appreciate
the comment used in this post.
(Michael J Fox is having a shaky start., Wed 30 Apr 2008, 15:51, closed)

THIS
This is EXACTLY why I don't like gardens. I live in absolute fear of slugs. Nothing could make me gip more than reading that post.
You have my utmost sympathy WeeWitch.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 16:30, closed)