no so much attack as offend
When my Mr and Miss friends decided to become Mr and Mrs friends they had to get the vicar around a few times to convince him of their piety and devotion to the lord . . . so they could get married in the church they wanted.

So the vicar turns up, and lo is confronted by a great big chocolate Labrador bounding up and down on his feet. Vicar doesn't like animals, really really not liking any animals at all and is practically sitting on top of the door to keep away (even though they are gods own creatures, fucking cunty hypocrite) and so is ushered into the lounge quickly before the dog drools all over him and the door is shut.

After a little bit of small talk they settle down on the sofa and started to talk shop, the Vicar opens his briefcase and passes some religious guff to mr & miss friends to study and he asks a few more questions.

As this goes on mr and miss friend notice a little bundle of fur wandering around behind vicar. its the cat, and its not so much got a screw loose as one or two holding the whole thing together. Cat likes guests so jumps on the vicars lap and goes to make puddings. Vicar freaks and the cat is deposited on the floor and attempted to be shoved out without letting the dog in, this fails so they just get on with it.

Cat decides that she has seen a very comfy spot indeed, climbs into the vicars briefcase, splays her back legs as wide open as possible and starts licking her arse. Vicar has not noticed yet but Mr and Miss friend are in puddles on the sofa trying not to howl with laughter yet surrepticiuosly trying to oosh the cat out. Vicar bends down to get another leaflet and is confronted by a pussy pussy, the look of absolute horror and disgust on his face will be enough to send that little cat to hell for a long long time!
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 1 May 2008, 10:48, Reply)