my bloke
is pretty much perfect in practically every way: we get on really well, he's v kind and sweet, ridiculously bright, gorgeous looking etc etc. and he is in utterly amazing shape. his body looks as if someone sculpted it out of warm cinnamon or something.

but omg he is obsessed with his diet. it doesn't really stop him drinking beers or eating anything, although he does go on slightly worryingly girly detoxes sometimes, but it is quite irritating when the guy you are having dinner with looks at his plate and says sadly, "i'd have been better off with the 1200 calories at fire and stone."

even pointing out that sex burns off about 600 calories an hour doesn't really cheer him up.

i have tried so many times to tell him that he is stunning just as he is that my plan b is to wear earplugs at mealtimes.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 7 Aug 2011, 12:30, 11 replies)

Oh Rachel, darling, you don't have to keep on and on and on reassuring yourself that you think he's alright, it's not us you need to convince..
... in fact, it's not anyone you need to convince, and if you do, then something isn't right.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 7 Aug 2011, 12:37, closed)

ha!
he might get dumped shortly anyway if he doesn't shut up - we went to see "horrible bosses" last night and if i hear one more word about jennifer aniston being pervy in her stockings..... the first 15 times i didn't mind, the 115th is a bit much......!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 7 Aug 2011, 12:43, closed)

Great,
Now I have to see Horrible Bosses.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Sun 7 Aug 2011, 13:05, closed)

she is unbelievably filthy/hot in it
even i would, and i don't do birds.

also, it's surprisingly funny, really quite a sharp script. i was expecting it to be a bit shit!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 7 Aug 2011, 13:24, closed)

Is he a very effeminate man or an unusually masculine woman?

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 7 Aug 2011, 17:10, closed)

i can't believe you would make such a stereotypical comment, i'm shocked and upset
my secret terror is that it could be either
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 7 Aug 2011, 18:05, closed)

it sounds like you're dating a woman
congratulations
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Mon 8 Aug 2011, 16:17, closed)

i don't give a fuck, s/he is hot and the sex is white-hot
now go back to wanking over your mum's crusty yellow gusset, there's a good virgin.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 0:39, closed)

you seem to be a tad preoccupied with virgins
are you one of those lady paedophiles I've heard about?

that must be why you are attracted to your under-developed boyfriend
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 13:21, closed)

ZOMG you're like soooo totally right
i've got it all wrong. why would i be messing around with a guy who is sculpted like a very hot statue, when instead i could be on here all the time like you, writing rude things to strangers that i don't know, am never going to meet, and don't give a flying fuck about?

you should call yourself the truth genius. fairy is too, too modest!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 14:00, closed)

You seem to be in the wrong place
This is a board dedicated to the purpose of writing rude things to strangers!

And I have every intention of following on with that tradition :D

I am pretty sure I am missing some running joke here
(NiteOwl flapped about over the keyboard on, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:58, closed)