Looking at jewellery shops
is something I can cheerfully do for five minutes at a time, if they've got nice watches. On the other hand..

...yeah.

I've actually mentally reconstructed my map of Glasgow city centre since meeting Falstaffette (whom I can assure you is a very sweet young woman). Now, if we're going shopping, no matter where we start, I can instantly plot the route that will take us past the fewest jewellers', and I'm very good at sticking to it in seemingly innocent ways. Sauchiehall St's pretty clear, but if we're going to turn onto Union St for eg, I may decide it's time for a Greggs lunch, just a bit further along the road. Entry to either of the shopping centres has to be achieved by one particular door, and I'll probably need to go to the toilet once we get in (it's in the other direction than the rings and necklaces). And if I fear we're going to be nearing the bottom of Buchanan St, I will fake an epileptic seizure.

I wouldn't mind so much, if it weren't for the constant and completely non ironic refrain of "Ooh, that's pretty. If you loved me, you'd get me that. Ooh, that's pretty. If you loved me, you'd get me that."
Apparently, love is neverhavingtosayyou'resorry being able to pull £2,495 out your arse at a moment's notice. And it's always rings, too. What is the woman's fascination with rings? I just don't get it.*



*Disclaimer: I get it. She's been explicit about wanting a wedding ring since about month one, and I've been equally as explicit about how, no, because you want a big fairytale wedding, whereas I have some vague conception of what being married to someone is actually like... I've also outright told her not to say 'If you loved me, you'd get me that' one more time because of the implications, since she knows I can't possibly afford the shite she looks at.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 12:22, 11 replies)

The obvious reply is
"If you loved me, you'd be happy with me rather than needing expensive shiny trinkets"
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 12:27, closed)

Or alternatively
"But if I bought that, it would just be prostitution every time we have sex"
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 12:29, closed)

Or better still
"Fuck off, I'm not Howard Hughes you know"
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 12:30, closed)

"Hey look, Mass Effect 2 downloadable content!
If you loved me, you'd buy me that!"

"But I don't have any money, especially not for crap I'm not interested in!"

"I want you to think very carefully about the answer you just gave me."
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 12:37, closed)

She's a slag, and a needy one at that, you could do so much bet...

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 13:15, closed)

Grr I am annoyed by you now Rory grr oh you make me so angry etc etc.

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 13:46, closed)

You don't really love her, then,
and you are both just biding your time until she finds someone with more money?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 13:51, closed)

Not true.
Our love is pure and true and beautiful and only about 67% financially motivated.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:34, closed)

pure and true and beautiful
a sham

My, I'm so witty.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:12, closed)

My girlfriend
Has 'wedding envy'.

My younger brother has made it known that he's saving for a ring. About a day of stony silence.
( elgordo, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:04, closed)

There are laws
that will prevent you from marrying your brother.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:13, closed)

I wouldn't mind so much
if I didn't have the very strong impression that she'd snap-marry literally any man who waved a diamond ring at her.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:13, closed)

I would have an exit strategy
Because such neediness can only get worse.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 17:05, closed)

Oh look, be shot of her or
fuck her every-which-way-&-sideways regularly whilst telling her "You want my ring-finger baby, here 'tis" while you tickle her clitorus.



Or you could just not go shopping with her.... Maybe just go out for a meal rather than walking past jewellry stores?
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 11 Aug 2011, 7:43, closed)