Cuddly Mascot snaps in leeds...
Once, many years ago, I dressed as Yogi Bear as part of a charity collection - I managed to get in to watch Jesus Christ Superstar for free (albeit sitting on the steps in costume, but the view was great) as I had collected in the Foyer, which was a bonus (the guy playing Jesus had the best voice I have ever heard).

However, being stuck outside the Merrion Centre (where single mothers take their brats to slap) was hell - I was stuck on the lower entrance, surrounded by alcoholics and crackheads, dressed as a teddy bear, getting punched randomly in the lower back and testicles by passing chav-spawn. After a couple of hours trying to stop the crackheads stealing the bucket, collecting about £3.50 (when I'd got £200+ at the theatre the previous evening), with no fags and no beer, things were starting to wear thin.

I was approached by a waddling dole-scrounger and her four snot-nosed shreiking bastards. I use the word advisedly as none of them had the same combination of skin tone. I was silently amazed that anyone would be insane enough to have sex with her, let alone what evidence would show to be at least four. She stank of poor hygeine, cheap cigarettes, cider and something like out-of-date cheese.

After sizing me up, she began to berate me for trying to get money for nothing - becoming more and more irate at the fact I said nothing other than "I'm collecting for XXXXX* and I'm allowed to be here, as I have a permit". Whilst doing so, her little shits were kicking my shins and stamping on my feet. Not only that, but her obscenities and general appearance were driving away the few people I might actually have got some donations from.

Eventually, I snapped. I swung around as if to look behind me to see what one o her sprogs was up to and caught the closets two a resounding thwack upside the head as the bucket flew around in an arc. I paused to let this sink in and then turned round again, said "I'm terribly sorry but I can't see very well in this costume and the other children were happy just to wave, not attempt to mug me" and stepped to the side (standing hard on crotch-fruit number 3's foot), making an elaborate gesture to let her pass. Even the tramps laughed and she stalked off. Presumably to batter her mini-scum round Morrisons.

My only regret is that I didn't manage to get the 4th brat, too...
(Chad, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 16:20, 1 reply)

Merrion Centre
remember it well and you've summed the place up perfectly.

Click for hitting the demonspawn, by the way (and making me laugh), cheers.
( SpankyHanky, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 17:28, closed)