My A Level Chemistry teacher
His appearance was that of the archetypal mad scientist: dishevelled white hair, twisted teeth, and a chemical-stained and burnt lab coat that lent him a faint perfume of burning. This is the man that, in our last lesson, allowed us to make rudimentary "rockets" and fire them out of the windows (with little success, although his own effort narrowly missed a passing skiver). He commanded the room, and everyone hung on his every word, probably because we were now allowed to do Real Science (read: wear a lab coat) and were made privy to the stories of the sciencey hijinks of a chemistry graduate. Here is my favourite.

Granted I can find no proof, but believe it to be true. It would have been 20-25 years ago at least. I was only told the barest of details, perhaps to prevent replication of the incident, so this is embellished somewhat...
Our Hero, upon receiving a less-than-wonderful grade in a particular module, half-inched a sizeable quantity of Caesium from one of the Cardiff University labs for his own nefarious purposes.

A note for those unacquainted with alkali metals: you may recall from your science lessons that Potassium, a highly reactive metal, is stored in oil to stop it immediately oxidising. In water, potassium is seen to perform the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy across the surface, dressed in a rather lovely lilac flame. Now imagine potassium has a premenstrual older sister. She is over reactive and unreasonable, and if disturbed from oily slumber is likely to spontaneously combust. Her behaviour in water is less aqua-aerobics, more suicide bomber. Let's call her "Caesium".

It was decided that if the budding prankster could contain his enthusiasm until after graduation, should he be caught during his caesium based antics his degree would remain intact as he would no longer be a student of Cardiff Uni. Therefore, the Caesium lay in wait until graduation day - the details become hazy here.

I'm not exactly sure of the mechanics involved in safely transporting a kilogram (!) of said Caesium from its oil-filled prison to Roath Park Lake, but the journey was made. Our hero legs it. It seems he is lost in the fray of others also fleeing the carnage, as he gets away scot-free. He explained, midst reminiscent giggles of pride and guilt, that his actions seemed to unlock a portal to the underworld, as (I am reliably informed, and inclined to believe) all hell broke loose. No-one was harmed, and apparently investigation into the disturbance was not exhaustive as he heard nothing more of it, although a friend's repeat performance was prevented the following year by more sophisticated lab security.

Everyone in our class went on to study a science at university.
Apologies for length but be gentle with me, long time lurker, first post!
(Lady Spandex, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 18:32, 14 replies)

Nice first story...
... love the description of caesium.
( Ugi , it's a game of give and cake, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 19:02, closed)

Nice story
Although a kilogram? I'm not sure if it is even kept in those quantities. The risk, not to mention radiation would be too great, surely?
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 21 Mar 2011, 19:23, closed)

from what I understand
it was a few containers of the stuff, diligently pinched from several lab stores... I'm guessing kilogram was an exaggeration (certainly on my part if not his). I really hope it was the non-radioactive kind but I wouldn't be surprised if that oversight explains why he didn't do so well in that class! Have to admit I don't know a lot about it, I figured it's best not to question someone with a history of disruptive behaviour and a ready supply of volatile substances :)
(Lady Spandex, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 19:53, closed)

It's not likely they'd keep more than a few grams of it in one place at a time.
The metal is not as useful as its rather less dangerous salts.

And as for radiation, the major isotope (¹³³Cs) is not radioactive. The main radioactive isotope (¹³⁷Cs) is only found in nuclear waste.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 20:19, closed)

Oh, and if you want to transport more than 100g of the metal at a time it has to go in a sealed steel container.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 20:26, closed)

Ah, ok
I never delved that far into it. So far as I think, if an element's name ends in "-um" then its radioactive, i.e. polonium, radium, uranium etc.

Well, apart from aluminium. I'm not that daft.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 21 Mar 2011, 22:15, closed)

And, y'know, just about all the other metals in the periodic table.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 22:20, closed)

Oh
My mnenomics need work, apparently.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 21 Mar 2011, 22:23, closed)

You should try 100ug tablets of mnemonium.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 23:17, closed)

There are only three small flaws in this tale
1) it is completely untrue
2) see (1)
3) why are you looking here? Didn't you read points 1 and 2?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 19:31, closed)

sorry to disappoint
I never claimed that it was true, only that I believe it. I can vouch for the first and last paragraphs though! Will that do?
(Lady Spandex, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 20:02, closed)

Oh he sounds like a nice bloke.
He's just a dirty dirty liar.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 20:13, closed)

Typical...
You type out a humorous and anecdotal story for the internets to enjoy and a bunch of miserable pedants hobble along just to pour scorn on it!!

Its does appear at first glance to be somewhat eggagerated though!
(spinks its only kinky the first time, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 7:23, closed)

Dude
I'm being neither miserable, nor pedantic. Don't be so eager to tar us all with the same brush.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 22 Mar 2011, 14:14, closed)