WHAT?!
When I was a teen, there was a small newsagents that all us kids used to frequent, for sweets, football stickers and daring each other to shoplift. The staff turnover was pretty high for some reason (probably tiny wages). One day a new bloke (who looked like a very thin M. Night Shyamalan before anyone knew what M. Night Shyamalan looked like as this was the 80s) started in there. I thought it would be a whizz if, during the brief time this guy was staff, I pretended to be deaf. I would talk to him in my best "this is how deaf people talk" voice and stare fixedly at his lips when he spoke to me. My chums thought this was hilarious, as they were easily pleased.

Except of course this guy wasn't a temporary worker - he had just bought the newsagents and managed to turn it around. So, between the ages of 13 and 15 when in his shop I kept up the pretence that I was as deaf as a dead dog. It was fun for about three weeks. The other one hundred odd were an embarrassment. I was still applauded by idiotic friends for keeping up the pretence, but inwardly I hated going in there, scared that someone I knew would be in there who wasn't in on this pathetic joke and would blow my cover by calling to me. Some of the other school knobs would yell abusive names at me when I was in there, goading me to react. I just had to tough it out ... for some logic that now escapes me.

The summer when I was 15 involved me spending a lot of time away from home. I basically had six weeks of holidays with various relatives.

First day back at school I walked into the shop, chatting and yelling happily with my buddies. We'd all forgotten that in the shop, I was deaf. I even said "thank you" in a bright, clear voice when M. Night passed me my change. My insides went cold as I remembered that I should have been acting "hearing free" when in M. Night's presence. However, the smirk on M. Night's face told me two things: (1) he had never believed I was deaf in the first place and (2) I was an utter, utter, twat.

The irony of it all is I am now in my late 40s and have, according to my doctor's tests, the hearing of a 70 year old.
(jrd, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 19:36, 8 replies)

Mine's pretty good so stop worrying.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Fri 25 Jul 2014, 20:24, closed)

Excellent!

( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 20:28, closed)

tl;dr

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 21:17, closed)

I like this
but it was more likely the man thought you were pretending to be retarded.
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 23:01, closed)

pretending to be
(Thor McLegend FUCK SHITPANTS PAC MAN, Sun 27 Jul 2014, 13:34, closed)

could have said you had recently got cochlea implants
or "aids in both ears" to add to the confusion
( ferret -> twitter.com/syfyautocorrect <-, Sat 26 Jul 2014, 12:46, closed)

Great!
A real story in QOTW!

Is this the start of the resurrection?
( ousgg is not seeking approval, Sat 26 Jul 2014, 13:43, closed)

Pardon?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 28 Jul 2014, 9:08, closed)