Mr Fright - Tales of a modern day twat-Part 4
After leaving hospital with minor anus burns and penis abrasions, Paul decides to have a change of appearance due to the fact that everyone wants to either kill him or have him hung, draw and quartered in public. Upon realising he has no cash he goes off to the cash point to withdraw some wonga. After spending twenty minutes at one machine organising his savings, mortgage and loans he had irritated one old pensioner to the point where she threatened to stick her walking stick where the sun doesn't shine and kick seven shades of shite out of him.

Leaving the cash point with only a tenner, Paul could her the words "fuck off you tight-fisted malingering cunt" being loudly and violently screamed at him by a gang of valium and HRT addicted pensioners. Being an ignorant and misinformed arrogant knob, Paul thinks they are shouting at a bunch of school kids who where laughing there heads off across the street. What Paul did not realise is that the teenagers were gut laughing at the incredibly noticeable shit stain of the back of his "cheap as shit", white, drainpipe trousers.

However, after spending some time out of the country waiting for the "heat to die down", Paul is blissfully unaware of what style is going down with the kids. He decides that a certain level of research is in order and makes his merry way along to the local bowling alley to pucker up on his fashion knowledge. Being tighter than a ducks arse, Paul uses his crumpled up bus ticket to get a cheaper lane. He purposely asks for the lane next to a group of girls who are celebrating there friends fifteenth birthday, but what caught Paul's eye was the distinct lack of adult supervision.

When it comes to these sorts of things Paul is quicker than a rat up a hippies flairs with cheese tied to his knob. But just before he went to his lane Paul buys a drink, with his arms crossed and I his usual cockfesting sarcastic voice he asks for a "yard of your finest ale please innkeeper", in an equally ironic sarcastic tone the spotty faced teenager behind the counter replies "not before I've seen your finest rectangular ID please, TWAT". Being the though fledged dick that he is, Paul digs out old uni card and invariantly dropped a shit load of pictures out of his wallet that look like a rather ugly man shoving a oversized, shit stained black dildo up the rectum of a man in a dress. After some hefty conversation that went along the lines of:

"your a twat"
"what was that prey just said?"
"your a twat, now get fucked and die"
"excuse me my good man"
"I'm not your good man, What part of fuck off don't you understand?"
"pardon comrade"
"just fuck off and take your cunting drink"

Paul was walked away thinking that the service is nothing to what his Iceland days were like, Paul made his way to his lane holding his piss warm carling that has been blatantly spat in by the barman. While looking for his right size ball he was standing next to some blokes and Paul happened to make his usual off the cuff nosey, cuntish comment. "selecting your weapon are you gentleman" to which was swiftly replied "piss off you nonce".

Paul knew he had a real skill at bowling due a miss spent youth hanging round bowling alleys with church groups and work outings EVERY FUCKING Friday night and in later life as a male prostitute looking for business from rich sweedish business men. He knew this was his chance to impress the young ladies on the adjacent lane with his three finger skill. upon bowling a strike on his first go he was expected a certain level off accolade from the girls but he was greeted with laughter and looks of disgust from the girls. Because Paul is a monumental tramp of the highest order, he was wearing the same clothes he was wearing in hospital and was completely unaware that all the stagnant cum stains that the dirty tranny had left on his black trousers were standing out under the neon lights like a "Black man in a Klan rally".

Realising that he cool factor was at minus one million Paul promptly finished his game and left for the arcade............

I have never seen him since he got fired for sexual harassment, i hope i never do.
(CaptainCuntyBollocks the man who can with a frying pan full of lamb, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 22:48, 8 replies)

This is absolutely the most
confusing and ridiculous thing I've ever read.

*click*
(Psymon_Spark Jesus Saves! The rest of you take 4d6 damage, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 22:57, closed)

^this
but without the click... too confused
(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 23:06, closed)

haha
read the 3 previous posts first and it may become less confusing.
thanks for reading though.
(CaptainCuntyBollocks the man who can with a frying pan full of lamb, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 23:13, closed)

Nope, still utterly confused
I'll re-read it tomorrow, when the words should line up in the right order. ;)
(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 23:37, closed)

Confusing...
but there seems to be no reference of a Honda Accord.
(iLLmatic, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 0:43, closed)

Terrific effort, sir.
Consider all four parts clicked.
(LongJohnBaldry, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 10:45, closed)

The best bit is
That it's written somewhat in the style of SpankyHanky, but better.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 11:15, closed)

wow
that is a statement. Comparison to old Spanky is flattering.

Cheers
(CaptainCuntyBollocks the man who can with a frying pan full of lamb, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 12:48, closed)