Man management
Years ago, in Peru, I took a job as a lorry driver. What japes! before the inheritance and whatnot, and I was abroad, so it didn't matter.

Anyway, Jorge sent me up the mountains on a very bizarre pickup, didn't specify what, but said it was 'nearly ready' and that I might 'check it', before delivering it to some other point in the jungle.

So off I went, following the directions, and arriving at what very quickly turned out to be a coca plantation! The natives were quite bemused to see me, a godlike gringo drive into their little village in my fantastic truck, a sight they had never seen before.

(I mean me driving the truck they had never seen before. I expect they had seen trucks before, as they weren't scared by it. It was the sight of me that smacked them of their gobs, that's what I mean.)

Anyway, it took me a while to win them over - I had to give them coins and cigarettes (women and children respectively) before they accpeted that I was there to pick up a few bales of ganja or whatever the stuff is called.

While I was waiting, I watched the women pack up the stuff into neat bundles (very deft handiwork I must say but never really, eh, got to put it to the... ho-hum ...'test') when all of a sudden they all stopped and scarpered off, jibber-jabbering something at the honchos with the guns.

I was a bit shocked, not only at that, but also at the reaction of the guards, who simply shrugged. I asked one of them what was going on, as the truck was barely half-loaded. He said to me 'Senor Clarke, the women, they go watch the 'Bold and the Beautiful'. No shit!

So, while waiting, I chawed into one of the bales and ran around the place naked. As I said about the handiwork. And then there was a thunderstorm and everything got fucked up. Not my fault!


Chaps can talk about bad bosses all we want, but regardless of where the problem lies, look under it and 'cherchez la femme'.
(Clerk T Hazarde are all the wine, Wed 16 Jun 2010, 17:30, 6 replies)

At precisely
what particular moment did you start on the mind-altering substances?!
( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Wed 16 Jun 2010, 17:42, closed)

probably when I realised I had at least an hour to kill. Which was a roughly accurate estimate, but time started to distort itself (again not my fault) soon after I first started guzzling the stuff. By the time the soaps were over, and they came back to finish filling the truck, I was ... I don't really know. In flagrante delicto with a monkey or something
(Clerk T Hazarde are all the wine, Wed 16 Jun 2010, 18:49, closed)

MASSIVE DRUGS

( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Wed 16 Jun 2010, 22:41, closed)

Haha - I see what you did there
The post mentioned drugs, and you leapt in - rapier-like wit to the fore - with your Swiftean reply. "MASSIVE DRUGS!", indeed! I would doff my hat, were I wearing one I felt would do honour to the gesture.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 1:02, closed)

We must keep these baboons out, who are sullying our otherwise exemplary debate, with gibberish and untold falafel-waffle.
(Clerk T Hazarde are all the wine, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 1:26, closed)

And to you, terrace-dwelling C2/D, I say, yes indeed - MASSIVE DRUGZ
(Clerk T Hazarde are all the wine, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 1:28, closed)