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Wanking Disasters Part II

Despite the warnings contained in our previous question on The Act of Onan, you all still appear to be masturbating like monkeys in a zoo. Tell us your stories of jerking the gherkin and double-clicking the mouse.

Suggested by Mrs Entity and DaveExclamationMark, voted for by YOU

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Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:22)

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Well, when I was younger I used to sit on the suction pump
to get my ass sucked as I jacked off underwater in the swimming pool. One fateful day it sucked too hard...
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 16:21, 10 replies)

Oh boy.

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Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 16:27, closed)

I've never told anyone this before.
Well, except my mate Chuck, and he was sworn to secrecy about the whole thing.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 16:28, closed)

I've read a couple of Chucks books
Don't get the big fuss.
(Pat_Gash, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 16:42, closed)

haha

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 17:09, closed)

Aggggg
That story is the one and only time in my life (so far) where I've felt sick and nearly vomited just from reading about something.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 17:52, closed)

With mischief on my mind, I showed it to my dad when they published it in The Gurniad a while back.
That was about the only time I can think of that he hit me.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 17:57, closed)

Aha
You accused me of making things up and yet...AND YET...

"I've never told anyone this before"

"they published it in The Gurniad a while back"

and shouldn't that be "Grauniad"?

*Smug smiley*
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stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 19:53, closed)

That would be my 'mate' Chuck Palahniuk...
the story I'm referencing would be Guts...

and now you literally remind me of this.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 20:46, closed)

you don't mean figuratively
If they'd had cartoons like that at school, I might actually have learnt something in English lessons.
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stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 21:26, closed)

Thanks for reminding me of that story
you bastard. *dry heave*
(leviticus no longer likes the cut of your gib on, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 11:47, closed)

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