Jesus Paul
We had a colleague at the Ministry of Cow Counting called Paul. Jesus Paul. The ministry had a vey lax attitude toward recruitment, taking anybody they could coax in off the streets, so we were blessed with a high percentage of loons.

Jesus Paul was known to be a bit of a God-squadder, completely harmless, but would make a habit of coming in early and leaving religious leaflets on Hell and Damnation on our desks.

One morning that changed. He came in looking a bit edgy and went up to one of the lads who had just settled down with a cup of tea and the Daily Mirror for a good, long day's skiving.

Jesus Paul: "Scuse us Pete. Do you believe in Jesus?"

Pete: "Well, actually, I'm not that religi..."

*BOFF!*

Floored him, with one great righteous punch to the noggin.

This continued for several minutes as our Soldier for Christ floored several other non-believers before trying it on with the office brick-shithouse Big Brian.

Jesus Paul: "Scuse us Bri. Do you be..."

*BOFF!*

A memo did the rounds later in the day: "Paul is on extended sick leave." There were very few takers for a 'Get Well Soon' card, for we were a heathen, unforgiving lot.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 9:51, 11 replies)

Must be something about the place
When I worked there, we had one guy who asked if he could book the largest meeting room (60+ people it held) for weekly morning prayer meetings.

No one showed up...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 24 Jan 2008, 10:53, closed)

the wrath of god...
administered in the form of a loon called Paul.

there's a film in there somewhere.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 11:29, closed)

Brilliant
That's fantastic!
Jesus Paul, taking the wrath of god to the unbelievers! Think i saw a similar thing on a bad TV show once with something along the lines of Kung Fu Christ or somesuch
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 11:53, closed)

Hahahaha!
Fucking hell - please let that be true!

The power of faith did not protect him it seems
( Weetobix, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 11:57, closed)

He's still Jesus Paul
Last spotted preaching in the middle of Broad Street in Reading, huge beard, hair down to his arse, no longer punching heathens in the face.

A big win for Care in the Community!
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 12:06, closed)

*clickage*
The first of the compo to have me shaking with laughter. Well done that man.
( djtrialprice, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 12:23, closed)

Christ
I was on a computer course with someone like that.


He took great offence to us mentioning Catholic priests and kiddy-fiddling in the same sentence as it was only all over the news at the time and obviously all made up by godless heathens.

He decked one of the other lads, took a swing at me and then kicked a chair so hard that it flew through the air and broke a window.

He left the course at the end of the week and I never saw him again. I can still picture him, red-faced and about to burst into tears shouting "It's all lies! No priest would ever do such a thing! You're all liars!"
(Fanta Menace Is tall enough to see over the fence, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 13:09, closed)

fantastic
Its a God Botherer thing - having the cork in a bit too tight...
(Siouxfan I'm not staring at you, I am just short sighted, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 13:56, closed)

Fanta Menace
Did anyone explain that denial is not just a river in Egypt?
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 15:44, closed)

The film Bad Taste
"I Kick ass for the Lord"
Classic
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 22:46, closed)

T'was Dead Alive
if I remember correctly. That scene in the graveyard.
Either way, Peter Jackson rules.
( Grokthought wouldn't pay that for Chinese 5-Spice, Sat 26 Jan 2008, 4:38, closed)