Matthew
I've been very fortunate with my colleagues - noone has made my life too much of a misery - but, in the mouthbreather stakes, Matthew sticks out in the memory.

I worked until recently on a bar. Matthew was taken on one summer during his vacation, his mother having rung to demand that we employ him. This should have been a warning, but we were short-staffed.

Matthew was somewhat laconic. In fact, he didn't speak at all unless spoken to. And noone spoke to him unless it was to tell him to do something: because he was so lacking in social skills, it simply wasn't worth it. Or maybe he was oxygen-starved; after all, even when we did tell him to do something, he would usually not respond. He would just stand behind the bar staring into the middle distance. (Oh, and the top button of his shirt would always be fastened. Another bad sign, what say?)

One of Matthew's foibles was that he didn't drink. Drinking is not, of course, a necessity in a barman - the manager of the bar in question doesn't drink, either - but there is a difference between teetotalism and ignorance about alcohol. Matthew had no idea at all about alcohol - to the exent that, if someone ordered a drink with which he was unfamiliar (a wide enough field) he went a bit special. The beer from the pumps was straightforwardly identifiable enough, and orange juice was just about in his range of abilities - but we did have to explain to him what a G&T was (he didn't know previously), and were someone to order, say, a Laphroaig, he would be utterly stumped. Rather than ask anyone what that meant - which would have implied talking - he would simply reach for the nearest bottle to hand. Well, "Malibu" and "Laphroaig" are close to each other in the alphabet, after all. So they must be nearly the same thing. Sometimes, instead of guessing drinks, he would just decide that he didn't want to serve customers at all if their orders turned out to be too taxing.

Nor was he any more reliable with money: he would grab a handful of coins from the till as change, but be unconcerned about the correspondence or otherwise of the value of the coins in his hand with the required compensation.

One day, he dropped a glass. He ignored it. I suggested that he might want to consider clearing the shards and spill from the floor. Amazingly, he took the hint. But something told me I should keep an eye out. So it was that I narrowly prevented him from trying to pick up the broken glass from the floor with the scoop from the ice bucket.

When questioned, he showed no comprehension at all of why that might not be the best possible idea.

I hate telling tales on people, but I did feel that I had to report that. His period of employment didn't last long afterwards. Unsurprisingly, he showed no emotion at all at being told that he really didn't fit in and might want to consider working somewhere else...
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 11:49, 7 replies)

I've worked with people like that behind bars too
and worse!
(Multi-Coloured Pop Shop "twat with a ukulele", Thu 24 Jan 2008, 12:27, closed)

I agree that knowledge of alcohol is important in a barman
as it means you don't need to be told things like "pour the guinness first". People who don't go in pubs much struggle. For example:

Someone I know who worked in college's union bar had to show a new starter the basics, and then keep an eye on them. Customer asks for a lager. Person goes up and down along the bar looking for a tap or bottle labelled "lager". Inspired.
(Bearded Whumpus In chav Britain, schoolgirl offers sweets to YOU!, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 14:21, closed)

It sounds as if he had Aspergers.

(Musuko, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 19:05, closed)

I'd wondered about the Asperger possibility
It's a good candidate explanation. But, for some reason, I'm more swayed by the thought that he was just useless.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 25 Jan 2008, 9:39, closed)

Apparantly...
...most males show at least mild symptoms of aspergers or some other form of autism.

So maybe another way of looking at it is that he was REALLY masculine. :P
(Musuko, Fri 25 Jan 2008, 11:42, closed)

yeah, I remember
explaing to some newby that what went into a vodka, lime and soda was, in fact, vodka, lime and soda!
(misskitty reeks of sex and turpentine; laudanum afternoons, Sat 26 Jan 2008, 6:24, closed)

Sounds like...
...his mum wanted him to have the job more than he did. Maybe you should have hired her.
(Sir Harrington Titsmith disgraced himself on, Tue 29 Jan 2008, 17:02, closed)