Mini Michelle
Michelle was five foot nothing high and a complete pain in the arse. Working in an office with her for 7 hours a day was like working with a furious spitting feral cat, every time the phone rang she would throw whatever she was holding down and exclaim “Oh for FUCKS SAKE!” before picking up the receiver. She also claimed to be the world’s biggest fan of Manchester United Football Club. In fact, she wouldn’t shut up about it. Most of the lads in the office were Bristol City fans, and whenever they had a chat it would invariably turn to football and how Bristol City were doing, at which point Michelle would pipe up “Not as good as Man U”, and “Man U would kick their arses” and “Why don’t you support a proper team, like Man U”….

Now Michelle came from Trowbridge, a town near Bath, and we worked in an office in Bristol. According to Google maps, Trowbridge is 197 miles away from Manchester, so Man U was hardly her local team. One day when she was spouting on about Man U, I called her a “Glory hunting wanker”, much to the amusement of everyone in the office. Looking totally gobsmacked she explained; “ACTUALLY, my dad comes from Scotland, so THAT’s why I support Man U!”. (For anyone who is interested, the Scottish Border is 131 miles away from Manchester).

One day the shit hit the fan. We all had what looked like a white Toblerone box on top of our monitors with our names on. One of the lads in the office had cut a face out of a newspaper and glued it to Michelle’s name, and she was going mental; “RAPIST! It’s that rapist! That’s disgusting! Who did this?! This is bullying! I’m taking it to a tribunal!” Eventually our manager got involved: -

Manager: “What’s going on?”
Michelle: “Somebody stuck a picture of that rapist on my monitor! I want this taken to a tribunal!”
Manager: [Looks at Michelle’s monitor] “That’s Roy Keane”
Michelle: “Yeah, that RAPIST”
Manager: “No…he’s the captain of Man United”
Michelle: …..”oh”……

That was the last we heard about Man U for a while.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 15:10, 6 replies)

Trowbridge...
Explains it all. I work with people from Calne... ><
(Dregen, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 15:17, closed)

Zoiks
Trowbridge says it all. Besides, I am banned from Wiltshire still, I think.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 15:28, closed)

.
thats a grand tale
(JasperSinister is offering two tickets to the gun show, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 15:41, closed)

Good story...
shame the gas heads beat Fulham....
(archstanton The gold is next to me....leave me be, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 16:08, closed)

Why don’t you support a proper team, like Man U”….
that comment aimed at me is enough to make me kill someone
(papa bouba slap your face, Sat 26 Jan 2008, 23:02, closed)

Hahaha!
Love it!

Q. what do you get if Chelsea get religated?

A. 50,000 more Man U fans.
( Weetobix, Tue 29 Jan 2008, 13:40, closed)