Not so much bastard, as thick.
Daft bint in the cube next to me in an old job I had, brought her own landline phone in from home and plugged it in a spare socket under her desk as she was 'expecting an important call'.
On her home number.
I didn't know if she was joking or not until it rang, she answered it with her home number greeting "hello, 557799etc.......how did you know my home phone number.......?"
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Wed 30 Jan 2008, 13:46, 4 replies)

In a similar vein
A former colleague of mine once picked up her desk phone, dialled a number, then replaced the handset several seconds later with a furrowed brow.

"I don't understand - it sounds loud enough from here"

Questioning her revealed that she'd been having difficulty hearing her home phone when it was ringing, so she dialled it from work to see how loud it was from the other end.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Wed 30 Jan 2008, 13:50, closed)

my mother
thinks that faxing something involves the disintegration of the document into papery atomic particles which are then somehow transported via the phone line to the receiver and reassembled in their original form.

I gave her an in-depth explanation of how it really worked and she didn't look convinced. She wouldn't buy my arguments on quantum mechanics either.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 30 Jan 2008, 14:11, closed)

That is really funny!
I love peoples inability to grasp Technology. I was on a flight once and heard a woman say "oh for goodness sakes my Internet is down again and I cant even phone them up from the plane!"

I can only assume shed pulled her laptop out.. obviously a few hundred miles away from her home wireless and found it didnt work. Doh.
(Miggyman, Wed 30 Jan 2008, 14:49, closed)

On the subject of thickery multiplied by 3
A receptionist used to open the post and distribute CDs containing data to us. She's make a point of writing the client's name on the label so we knew where it came from.

One dozy pillock piped up:

"This CD is wanked"

I ejected it and discovered why.

It was sans label. The secretary had scribbled all over the data side of the CD so it couldn't be read.

"Better phone **** and ask them for another CD?" suggested the aforementioned pillock.

I simply squirted some tippex thinner onto a tissue and wiped off the marker pen.

Job done.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 30 Jan 2008, 15:00, closed)