My first kill.
Outside of insects, I have never directly killed an animal, I certainly woulden't do it for pleasure, any one whi takes pleasure in ending a life, no matter how small, is an arsehole.

Having just passed my driving test last month, it was inevitable I was going to kill somthing eventualy, cars and dangerous and animals don't understand the green cross code. Driving to work, I have some white van man far to close behind me, despite the P plates, clearly wanting to be going faster then the law would allow. Sticking to the speed limit I kept going, the road split into two lanes not far ahead, so he can overtake there.

On the road ahead sits a pheasent, apparently not the brightest bird as he stood unaware of my car, when really, he should be moving. I look in my mirror, I can't slow down or I'll have a van hit me, so my hand is forced, it's all down to the bird to get out of this one. Only, he apparently has had enough of life, and stays stood there.

Looking at his position, I realise he's between the wheels, he might just be ok! Feeling the thud of car hitting bird tells me outherwise, cringing, I look in the mirror, and see the pheasentn stood in the exact same spot, minus it's head, which I have apparently knocked off. The body twitches awkwardly, wing goes up, only to catch the front of the van, onto which the bird splatters, making rather a mess of itself.

Sorry about the length, but it did just lose it's head!
(Mong goose, Sat 7 Aug 2010, 13:43, 18 replies)

Win!
I /HATE/ people who drive right up your arse.
( Sextant goes to him is emotionally erect, on this day, Sat 7 Aug 2010, 14:21, closed)

when i passed my driving test i was strongly discouraged from putting P plates on my car - wind-up merchants will deliberately drive up your arse to irk you (and cause birdies to die!)
( The Helpful Bear, Sat 7 Aug 2010, 14:59, closed)

Strongly agree
Also, it's saying to people "I'm not really ready to be allowed on the road yet". Anyone that puts a set of those P plates on their car should have to resit their test.
(gordonjcp, Sat 7 Aug 2010, 17:04, closed)

"Having just passed my driving test last month, it was inevitable I was going to kill somthing eventualy"

i also just realised this is really funny :D
( The Helpful Bear, Sat 7 Aug 2010, 19:06, closed)

Absolutely!
Every time I see them I think "Well, if you're not ready to be on the road, and yet you passed the test, the test should surely be more difficult to pass."

Sure, the old "once you pass your test, THEN you learn to drive" is quite true, but if you are not confident enough to drive in traffic on your own without first warning other drivers that you don't think you are good enough to be there, then you really shouldn't be there.
(dchurch bah, Sun 8 Aug 2010, 13:07, closed)

brake anyway. If he shunts you, he gets to pay all the bills.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Sat 7 Aug 2010, 16:56, closed)

True
Get that a lot on the bike, one day I might brake suddenly and see if I can get a better one out of it.
And you didn't have the pheasant for dinner?
( Greenbat, Sat 7 Aug 2010, 18:10, closed)

I can't believe that any intelligent motorcyclist
would even consider braking to piss off the motorist behind them. I know that car drivers do it all the time, but really it's just massively retarded. I am in no way religeous, but on the road, I firmly believe in the "treat others as you wish to be treated" stuff. whether on a bike or in a car or truck I will do my best to keep out of the way, and expect the same. When riding I position myself so that it is difficult to for the annoyance braker to cause me to do anything other than shoot past them, often I will choose to take a mirror with me though. You know, act like a cunt , I'll treat you like one.
(M61A1 CUPID- STUNTS, Sun 8 Aug 2010, 8:55, closed)

yeah
the downside there, is that if you do get hit, you still have all the hassle. All you're compensated for is the damage to the car, not the all the other crap that goes on (chasing up insurance, getting the car to a repairer, getting alternative transport, having your day ruined, picking the car up etc etc etc).

That's why this is win: op has no damage, dick in Van gets hit by dead bird.
( Sextant goes to him is emotionally erect, on this day, Sat 7 Aug 2010, 18:12, closed)

Sadly
not true. Sudden braking is "reckless driving".

One of the numpties at work did exactly this and ended up with 6 points and a smashed up car - HIS insurance wriggled out of paying for the car behind and so he ended up paying for the damage to both cars.

Of course, admitting that he slammed the brakes on as the car behind was up his arse and it was his mistaken belief that if anyone hit you from behind it was automatically their fault, was his first mistake.
(dchurch bah, Sun 8 Aug 2010, 13:11, closed)

yes, that wouldn't help - too much honesty, perhaps. 'Something ran out in front of me and I instinctively braked' is a perfectly-valid reason, though.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Sun 8 Aug 2010, 14:05, closed)

Well the p plates are coming off soon any way, though Id say they have helped, most people have been pretty alright, odd arsehole takes the piss but I am confident driving.

Apparently, me taking the pheasent would be illegal, though any following drivers are free to take it. Knowing my luck I'd get spotted by the only copper who knew this obscure bit of law.
(Mong goose, Sat 7 Aug 2010, 19:47, closed)

nah
there aren't really any laws on the subject, although it does technically belong to the Hghways Agency. You can't take and eat owned animals (farm animals, pets, chavs) - but anything else is fair, er, game.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Sat 7 Aug 2010, 20:29, closed)

love how you added chav in the list there
Theyre not human are they? :)
haha
(Miggyman, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 11:58, closed)

take your weak attempt at sarcasm and get right to fuck. I'd take more notice of your passive-aggressive white-knighting for the chav fraterntity if it wasn't almost certainly predicated upon your desire to shag their children, what with you being a a massive nonce and all...
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:12, closed)

distance
if you had a chance to see the beheaded bird in the mirror in front of the van then mister white van man was keeping quite a lot of distance. close is when all you can see is his grill with his windshield obscured by the edge of your rear window.
(Singularity was tiny but amazingly dense on, Sun 8 Aug 2010, 2:23, closed)

I too was suspicious
but since it's a fine old yarn I shall ignore..
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Sun 8 Aug 2010, 6:43, closed)

It was a 40 limit road, the normal gap between cars is ment to be two seconds, he was only about one second behind, which afforded me a glance at the body, before van man hit it.
(Mong goose, Sun 8 Aug 2010, 11:53, closed)