The Clap. Alt title - Everyone's a Fucking Critic.
My second long term girlfriend came from a slightly lower OFSTED ranking school, so knowing someone who had become pregnant whilst still at school was perhaps not so surprising. (Yes, I'm a snob and to prove my place of education wasn't much better it turned out the father was from my school).
Now, no-one could blame this girl for trying to enjoy her teen years, though she probably had a better time of it than I did, funded by the state. So, we were occasionally asked to baby sit, and on this instance to have him overnight.
He would have been around one and a half, maybe two. We set up a mattress for him in our room to keep an eye on him if he needed anything or stirred.
Morning followed an uneventful night. It was a glorious morning for this young and amorous male and, after checking that sleeping child was still indeed sleeping (and, I must stress, we were well out of sight), set about trying to even the score in our long running game of shove-piggy-shove.
I forget the position we chose*, but which ever it was caused each thrust to be punctuated with a satisfying slap!.
slap!..slap!..slap!..sclap!..slap!..clap!..sclap!..slap!..clap!..clap!..clap!..clap!
By now we had stopped, yet the slow clap continued...
The infant in the room had woken in the middle of what he presumed to be a fun clapping game and decided to join in**.


A tad irresponsible, I admit, but in my defence I was young and irresponsible at the time.

* I presume doggy style but cannot be sure
** by join in I mean by clapping.
( Holly Would long wheel based tranny, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 18:41, 8 replies)

OFSTED? OFSTED!?!
What kind of common little oink cares about some insignificant little quango dreamed up by a bunch of Communists?
If your school didn't require your parents to pay a hefty fee, and you to pass an entrance examination, then you went to a poor-people's commie school and you're a pathetic little commoner.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 19:05, closed)

*takes hat off*
sorry, sir. I wasn't thinking, sir. I'll get back to the drainage in the lower field, sir.
( Holly Would long wheel based tranny, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 19:16, closed)

That's better man!
Some of us went to Public Schools, you know. ;-)
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 17:18, closed)

wait now hold up there.
you remember everything EXCEPT the position you were doing it in?

this is really about that time you masturbated in the queue for the ice-cream van, isn't it?
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 19:36, closed)

His focus was on the child,
the lady no more than a handsfree, dick stroking, accessory.

All the paedos are out, this week.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 20:22, closed)

an infant instant chubby killer
Sends a shiver down the spine (in a bad way you NOTW readers)
(OTT, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 0:33, closed)

A slow hand clap
from a child? Your technique must have been crap.
(Rsoles, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 17:56, closed)

you're right.
perhaps I could have alluded to that in the subject for comedic effect.
( Holly Would long wheel based tranny, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 18:37, closed)