Flash BANG
My dad works with a fair number of outdoors people due to the nature of his work (usually land surveying) and so can occasionally come across the odd one who can do what one might call "man work". One of these blokes hunts roe deer.

For those who don't know, if you eat venison it will probably be red deer which are larger and, although they will often not be kept on a farm as such, they will still not be entirely wild. During winter the estates will dump masses of grain feed to keep the herds from thinning out during the winter so that there are plenty of beasts for the gentry to shoot come spring. They also use salt licks soaked in all manner of anti-biotics, worming chemicals and the like. Due to all of this, the meat may be alright, but it's also not quite as lean as it could be, and you'll likely be ingesting chemicals that aren't exactly intended for humans.

Roe deer are not treated like this at all. They are smaller and live in woodland (as opposed to open moorland), the woodland providing a better diet due to the range of plants they can consume, and the deer that survive the winter will be the healthier and fitter (more muscle).

So to hunt these deer this guy has a technique far more ingenious than churning up the ground with land destroyers, hopping out in tweed and wellies, and using an expensive, high powered rifle. Instead, he creeps around quietly at night until he hears a rustle, then he turns on his massive spotlight, freezing the deer on the spot like they do in front of headlights, then blasts the fucker in the face with a shotgun.

So this venison is already far better quality than what you get in most supermarkets and butchers. Not only that, but his work mate happens to know another guy not too far from home who has his own smoking oven. Right, so the venison my dad got was a whole fucking haunch of the leanest and most tender venison you can imagine, home-smoked, and we slow roasted it with onion and garlic.

It was abso-fucking-lutely delicious, like finishing Buddha inside my mouth after he has lubricated himself with God's own vaginal juices.

Worst food? Brussels sprouts. Cannae stand the wee things. There must be a processing plant somewhere where there's a retarded midget who is fed nothing but beans, eggs and cabbage all day and all the sprouts that end up on my plate have been specially treated with an hour's maturation inside his rectal cavity.
( clockworkrat has nice pants, Thu 26 May 2011, 23:54, 13 replies)

I love brussel sprouts
Best of all the vegetables

Psst, chuck me a lump of that roe deer if you would be so kind, ta muchly :)
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Fri 27 May 2011, 0:16, closed)

Nae problem with other people liking sprouts
It's just the ones that reach my plate that have had the special treatment. You can have mine if you want, but bambi is only going down this one's gullet.
( clockworkrat has nice pants, Fri 27 May 2011, 1:49, closed)

im sure i heard
That you're not meant to scare them before you kill em as if they die with tense muscles it can toughen the meat. Possibly apocryphal.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 27 May 2011, 0:39, closed)

A few years ago
Myself and a group of friends found a young deer trapped under a rock.
A vet was called and he came and prior to putting the deer down it died.
We asked if we could have it to eat, the disgusted look on his face was priceless as he informed us that as the deer had probably been trapped for a few days, toxins had built up inside making the meat inedible
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Fri 27 May 2011, 1:17, closed)

Yeah - he told YOU that
Then dined on fine venison for the next week, laughing to himself.
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Fri 27 May 2011, 13:47, closed)

I don't think they're given time to tense up
Even if they are, the fear tastes wonderful.
( clockworkrat has nice pants, Fri 27 May 2011, 1:50, closed)

I shall weigh in here.
I used to work in a deer slaughter house. And the deer that were frightened before getting killed had a higer acidic count, therefore "yucker"

That and they were a pain in the ass to bone.
( jakedamusss I understand, and dont care., Fri 27 May 2011, 5:20, closed)

this is what i thought

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 27 May 2011, 7:40, closed)

I think it's to do with a buildup of lactic acid in the muscles after strenuous activity - ie, running away in order not to be eaten. I'm not certain simply being scared would cut the mustard. But then, I don't really know anything about it.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Fri 27 May 2011, 10:35, closed)

Sounds about right

( clockworkrat has nice pants, Fri 27 May 2011, 11:17, closed)

So, God IS a woman after all.
2000 years of religious doctrine has just gone down the toilet.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 27 May 2011, 0:48, closed)

So far as I understand
Using the pronoun "him" is only a linguistic tool to avoid calling God "it" which would sound somewhat vulgar.
( clockworkrat has nice pants, Fri 27 May 2011, 1:55, closed)

I had roe deer at the http://www.bridgeinn.com
When we went to the Dalmahoy Marriott near Edinburgh last year, absolutely delicious.
(Kip, Sat 28 May 2011, 18:03, closed)