Can't cook, won't cook
"You know, you can just cook food on a lower heat setting. You don't have to have it on full whack" I says to the wife as tonights pasta dish crunches between my teeth.

I wish I had kept my mouth shut but part of me longed to be served food that didn't have black burnt bits scrapped off the pan and mixed in.

Saying that, she got the message. The next day we had soup.
It was cold


Sheds
(plant rolls out of bed like a fat wobbly tub of lard, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 12:42, 8 replies)

you're arnold, arnold, arnold rimmer?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 12:56, closed)

Your comment has me tongue-tied.

( pineapplecharm D d M Y, H:i, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 13:59, closed)

"Doesn't it cook quicker?"
Is my wifes reply. "It says on the pizza box, 20mins at 180. Surely it's only like 12 mins at 225 or something??"

No, it's a house that's full of smoke and smells of shit for weeks.
(TheManofScience, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 12:57, closed)

A girl I knew would turn the toaster up to full setting to make it toast quicker.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 14:12, closed)

Sheds.
Cheers.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 13:00, closed)

Haha, you married a woman who can't cook, you mug.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 13:19, closed)

There must be some reason why he did
and I doubt he'd prefer being fat and celibate.
( pineapplecharm D d M Y, H:i, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 14:01, closed)

...and you can make a baby in one month with nine women

(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 14:14, closed)

There's a tedious neo-con joke about government spending in there somewhere
about how it's a foolproof timesaving plan which is great fun to implement at first but ends up taking just as long and costing nine times as much, with 85% of the output becoming a burden on the state.
( pineapplecharm D d M Y, H:i, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:08, closed)

lol shit man shit wife

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:21, closed)

Revenge is a dish best served soupy.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:33, closed)

So.
Microwave oven?
(nob fartbelm NOT a "comedy account", here for srs bizness, Thu 19 Dec 2013, 8:25, closed)