Birth.
When my wife was in labour with our first son things got a bit messy.

He just didn't want to come out of there (can't really blame him for that!) no matter what they did. He was the right way up, i.e. head first, but facing the wrong way - babies should face backwards but he wasn't having that, no sir.

First off they tried a ventouse which is a bit like a medieval torture device. It's essentially a suction cup that they stick on the baby's head and apply suction - then pull! The midwife was a big old unit and there she was with one leg up on the bed going red in the face tugging on this thing trying to get him out. Meanwhile I'm sat in the corner feeling a little detached from reality as I cannot stand hospitals, blood, surgery - none of it.

Anyway, the ventouse "pops" off and the midwife goes flying across the room. Not to be defeated she calls the doctor who decides that forceps need to be used. Squeamish old me is starting to feel a bit faint at this point as they stick the forceps in to try and turn him around to face the right way - but again he wasn't moving.

After a bit of a conflab they decide that they need to make a "little cut". At this point Mrs BDMG wants me to hold her hand. To this day I don't know how I did that without falling over. They make the cut, there's not too much blood and out comes Charlie looking like a Conehead (remember that film?) due to having a vacuum cleaner attached to his head and then having it squeezed with a pair of giant pliers for good measure.

We then have to wait for the afterbirth to come out (I didn't know about this bit!), but after 10 minutes there's no sign of it. Cue a bit more poking and peering from the assorted medical staff and then we got the blood. I don't know how many pints, but they shot out of there with my wife still on the bed straight into surgery leaving a trail of blood with someone shouting at me to "WAIT THERE!".

So there I am in this room that resembled something from M*A*S*H* - blood all over the floor, surgical instruments scattered everywhere - all on my own, thinking "FUCK! What do I do now?"

That's when I remembered that there was a baby. What was I supposed to do now? I know that sounds a bit daft but really, you have no idea what to do. I'd never even held a baby before that moment. I picked him up and looked at the mess all round me and just started blubbing.

After about half an hour a midwife poked her nose in and asked if I was alright and did I need any help with nappies? Nappies?! She gave me a 5 minute crash course in nappies and how to dress a small baby and we just sat there and waited for my wife to come back.

After an hour she came back! They'd had to scrape the afterbirth out (yuck!) and she lost a lot of blood but she'd had a small transfusion and was OK!! They let us go home the next day and that should have been the end of it.

But some of the afterbirth had been left behind and started an infection. Three days later at 2am my wife woke up saying she was bleeding and didn't dare move. We lifted up the duvet and it was not good. Pints of blood. I called an ambulance and the 10 minutes it took was the longest 10 minutes that there has ever been. Later on Mrs BDMG told me she said goodbye to Charlie whilst we waited for the ambulance. Makes me well up just to think of that.

I then had 3 days of looking after our new baby on my own whilst she was in hospital. Thankfully she was fine but she did have another transfusion.

Last year I started giving blood even though I am still very squeamish and hate needles. Only wish I'd started sooner.
( Blackdogmanguitar is out with Fat Larry's Jazz Band on, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 15:33, 11 replies)

That sounds brutal
and well deserving of some clickage.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 15:38, closed)

Glad she's ok now :)
My mum had pretty much the same experience, except she had some of the placenta left in for almost a week and very nearly died. Scary stuff luckily I was too young to have a clue what was going on, can't imagine what it must have been like for you.

Oh and *click* Very well written
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 15:41, closed)

Hell's Teeth!
Feel.... wooooozy....

Definite click, great story, glad it worked out ok.
(ice9, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 15:44, closed)

Bastard!
I'm 13 weeks away and cacking in my pants about the thought of my wife giving birth!

Your well written and brutal descriptive click worth story isn't helping.
( Weejock, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 15:57, closed)

*empathises*
My missus had essentially the same thing, but without the transfusions and left-over placenta. To sum it up in just two words....

Fucking. Grim.

My mother was in with us for the labour, and having been sleep deprived for about 36 hours she very nearly shat her pants when the ventouse 'plunger' popped off. She thought they'd pulled the bairn's head off!
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 16:25, closed)

Was that your first?
Sympathy.

We went through something similar (the last 4 paragraphs are different, my wife ended up on a ventilator in HDU for 6 hours) but it was our 2nd child so at least I knew what to do with the baby.

I'm also now a lot more conscientious about giving blood now we have 10 units to "pay back".
( Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 16:36, closed)

First?
Charlie was our first, in fact as they were trying to get him out the midwife asked my wife what sort of baby it was and she said "an only child!", quite witty in the circumstances!

We went on to have 2 more (both boys) and they're all currently playing COD4 on the PS3 waiting to go on holiday tomorrow.
( Blackdogmanguitar is out with Fat Larry's Jazz Band on, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 16:50, closed)

It's called OP
when the wee bugger is facing the wrong way. Like my eldest .....

Luckily the midwife managed to turn her, and all went well from then on. I always feel very fortunate when the subject comes up. It could all have gone so horribly wrong.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 7 Aug 2008, 18:08, closed)

Yup, same here
they had to use the ventouse thing with both ours (tho' at least it didn't pop off)

The fist one left some placenta behind that had the missus back in hospital for a couple of nights.

Strangely, both of the little grubs had done somersaults inside, wrapping the cord round their throats managing to nearly throttle themselves... made for a tense few minutes each time before they got out & the doctor could free them from their nooses.

I'm glad everything turned out fine for you BDMG.

But yeah, leftover placenta looks like black jelly
(GMRage stood a little straighter, Fri 8 Aug 2008, 8:55, closed)

Same thing happened when my son was born...
He was right way up, but wrong way round.

I think he was delivered by "Kieland's rotation" (sp?) - all I know is I seemed to be the most stressed out of everyone - the ex was (understandably) in pain, and I almost decked the surgeon when he examined her mid/contraction (I did apologise afterwards)
( snee held his breath since, Fri 8 Aug 2008, 9:51, closed)