Lottery Laughs
When the first National Lottery draw happened way back in 1994, I was a student living in halls.

The hype about the lottery was huge and we all trooped off to buy our tickets at the local newsagent. Come the night of the big first draw, we huddled round the rented TV, desperately clutching our tickets out of that shithole.

But there's always one - one idiot who'll try as hard as they can to spoil everyone's fun. In this case it was an oddball called Sam Regis, who carefully calculated his paltry student loan / grant payments on a spreadsheet and loudly declared that he would not be playing the lottery as he couldn't afford to lose 10p, let alone a whole pound.

After listening to Sam Regis moan for far too long, one of the rugby club jumped him, sat on him and threatened to piss in his mouth if he didn't chose six numbers from 1-49 immediately and join in. Poor old Sam rattled of a series of digits relating to birthdays and significant dates and soon the rugger bugger left him alone.

Come the draw - yes, you've guessed it! Sam Regis' numbers came in - and if he'd bought a ticket, he would have won nearly a grand. Ha! How we laughed.

I'm sure if he saw this qotw, he'd be posting this story from his own point of view. If he were still alive, that is.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Fri 4 Apr 2014, 17:09, 41 replies)

Just because you now know the outcome of some event after the fact,
doesn't stop an earlier choice, with only partial information, from being the right choice.

Laughing at a guy because he didn't want to spend £1 that he couldn't afford, in order to gain an expected payout of much-less-than-£1, is the sort of thing that stupid cunts do.

Of course, some stupid cunts get lucky and win jackpots. However, most stupid cunts spend more than they win. Winning the jackpot doesn't magically make a stupid cunt into a clever cunt... it makes them a rich stupid cunt... a rich stupid cunt floating in an ocean of poor stupid cunts.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Fri 4 Apr 2014, 17:16, closed)

^forgot to buy his numbers the week they came in

( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Fri 4 Apr 2014, 17:35, closed)

Never bought a ticket.
The second week they ran it, someone I knew had used the same numbers both weeks...

It occurred to me that picking the same numbers is unwise, simply because you can never not play the game again, in case your numbers come up.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Fri 4 Apr 2014, 17:46, closed)

^ suspiciously autobiographical sounding.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Fri 4 Apr 2014, 21:48, closed)

^ went to a shithole university ^

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 4 Apr 2014, 17:36, closed)

few years earlier it'd have been a mediocre poly

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 4 Apr 2014, 17:42, closed)

i suspect it was all inside his own head
professors, students, bar, people in this tale, the lot.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 4 Apr 2014, 17:44, closed)

You can't make an imaginary success of yourself without a decent imaginary education.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 4 Apr 2014, 17:49, closed)

imagine how smoking hot his imaginary wife must be

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 4 Apr 2014, 17:53, closed)

he appears to have created a fantasy version of you
you're Albert's wife now
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 4 Apr 2014, 19:23, closed)

lucky lucky me
imagine the size of the imaginary diamond
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 4 Apr 2014, 19:28, closed)

diamond wife
( Peej, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 11:26, closed)

you really are a cunt whistle of the highest order aren't you?
why don't you just fuck off and mumble into a little pile of mud?
ta-ra!
( Tesco Quality 60.825659, -0.788337, Sat 5 Apr 2014, 4:35, closed)

clue's in the sig

( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Sat 5 Apr 2014, 9:16, closed)