At school I used to love DT
For those of you not au fait with the english school system circa 1991-1996, that stands for Design Technology, basically woodwork and metal work etc.

Now I didn't love it because of the creepy borderline sex offender that ran the class (true story for another time maybe) but it was his pet birds that he used to keep in the classroom with him. Huge birds these were, black as night, with a devilish glint in their eyes. They looked like they would be more at home at the Tower of London than a small woodwork shop.

They were incredibly intelligent birds too. Many a time out teacher would say "I just need a small screw" (I did mention he was a borderline sex offender) when one of his pets would flap over to the rack of small plastic trays and drop a 5/8" No.6 into his outstretched palm.

But the point of this story is that one day, during the practical of my final GCSE exam, I was turning a small bar of metal to build my own threaded bar which would hold whatever contraption I was creating together. The machine was all set up to go, but I was momentarily distracted by a pound coin I spotted on the floor. I picked it up, put it in my pocket and then flicked the on switch.

The machine spun into action, emitted a high pitched whining noise and the chuck whizzed the length of the guide bar and smashed into the end. Bits flew off at random and at that point I knew my chances of passing were hurtling toiletwards.

The teacher came running over. "What the hell happened!?" He yelled "You've set this up a million times, why did you set the gears like that? You know that's what happens if you set the gears like that!"

It was at that point I realised what had happened. Those bloody birds had distracted me with a pound coin before flicking the gear lever when my back was turned.

"Sir!" I yelled "It wasn't my fault, it was your bloody pets! Those Rooks changed my Lathe!"

i'm so very very sorry
(Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2008, 12:14, 10 replies)

I'll click that
Because I like wood-work, workshop-based accidents and Corvids.

*clicks*
( Cawl, Wed 21 May 2008, 12:23, closed)

you are wonderful
but *spang* nonetheless.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 21 May 2008, 12:38, closed)

*groan*
*SPANG!*
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 21 May 2008, 12:41, closed)

wahey!
my first ever "Spang!" I'm so proud.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2008, 12:45, closed)

*Spang*
you enjoyed it so much I thought you deserved another
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 21 May 2008, 13:53, closed)

*spang*
have another
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 21 May 2008, 14:28, closed)

* spang * and * click *
.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 21 May 2008, 14:32, closed)

Oh for God's sake...
...that was truly AWFUL.

Actually, I normally hate QOTW puns because 99% of them are fucking shit, but this one did make me laugh :D
( Mike Fishcake teamfishcake.co.uk - better than your mum's face, Wed 21 May 2008, 15:02, closed)

*spangs*
*spang*
*spang*
*spang*
*spang*
*spang**spang**spang**spang**spang**spang*

I am supposed to use my cock for this, aren't I...?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 May 2008, 16:58, closed)

*Spangs you with an epic spanging thing*

( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Wed 21 May 2008, 17:21, closed)