Jane Eyre.
Its fucking shit, the worst piece of drivel I have ever been forced to read. I would have rather nailed my testicles to the school desk rather than read this guff in GCSE English.
The book is basically about some soppy bint that becomes a teacher in a posh blokes house.
This drippy tart falls in love with posh bloke and wants to marry him but at the wedding someone points out that he is already married and his missis is locked up in the attic.
Now this is where you would think alarm bells would start ringing and the plod would be involved, but he doesn’t he just says “Shes Mad”. And everyone seems fine about this.
Hold on, she’s Mad? She is locked in an attic, I bet she is fucking furious.
If she is indeed insane why does no one question whether she has been attended to by a mental health specialist? Has she been diagnosed with any mental health issue and should the treatment really be hiding her in the attic and occasionally throwing scraps of food at her and changing her turd bucket ? Who is the mad one here, poor bitch in the attic or this posh bloke. I wouldn't be surprised if he is probably the great great great grandfather of Josef Fritzl .
Anyway the soppy bitch Jane runs away from the wedding. Lucky escape if you ask me, before she would know it she would be tied up in the cellar and Mr posh would be playing snooker with her eyeballs.
Unfortunately there were no chapters where the posh bloke dismembers corpses, I think someone died of constipation, but there is a bit where Jane describes flicking herself off. Its not that good, but my English teacher (the one that got arrested in some toilets lezzing it up with another woman) did get quite excited about this.
And she occasionally looks at the moon, which is odd because she isn’t a werewolf or related to Patrick Moore.
She then goes and pokes a Saint before going back to find that Mr Posh house has caught fire and he is now a cripple (he has a bad hand and iffy eyesight) and she marrys the nutter.
Its shite, proper shite, a long rambling boring book that I have summed up better than the original novel. I have no idea why this book is a “Classic”
(Orkstomper, Fri 6 Jan 2012, 11:02, 4 replies)

I am refreshed and challenged by your opinion
Short form: you're wrong.

Jane Eyre was the first and foremost of the Feisty Girls: small, poor, at the bottom of the heap. She yanks herself out not by simpering at passing rich twats, but by taking on a thoroughly dangerous man.

This had never been done before in English Literature. Jane's descendants include Holly Golightly, Lisbeth Salander and (unfortunately) Sookie Stackhouse.

Also, if you have a teenage daughter, it's a damn fine user manual.
(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Fri 6 Jan 2012, 12:00, closed)

I agree, and have alot of respect for charlotte Bronte.
Society needed someone like her. Although i wouldn't say its a totally pro feminist. Mr Rochester was a pig.
(shezam slouching towards nirvana., Fri 6 Jan 2012, 13:35, closed)

"Also, if you have a teenage daughter, it's a damn fine user manual."
The best book review I've read in an age. Big clickies.
(Cheeselog is mostly water, Fri 6 Jan 2012, 13:37, closed)

I felt this way
about Wuthering fucking Heights, and Lord of the fucking Flies. Both I had to read at school, and both are utter, utter drivel. Whoever chooses the literature for school's reading lists needs to have their head examined. Why do they choose such shite 'classics' to teach us? I'm surprised that I actually went on to study A-Level English after that little lot. I am a glutton for punishment clearly.
(Mr Fudge It shouldn't be illegal to have sex with an eagle, Fri 6 Jan 2012, 12:19, closed)

Some interesting thoughts there tho
It's worth reading Jean Rhys's Wide Sargasso Sea. written in 1966 it's the life story of his first wife, the mad woman in the attic. Worth a read.
(jajwhite, Fri 6 Jan 2012, 13:13, closed)

Go Read
The Eyre Affair by Jasper Fforde.
Excellent take on this book
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 15:22, closed)