This is grim (and a pearoast), sorry
Got back to my car after a long day at work, only to discover that some friendly bird had done an enormous poop on my windscreen, right in the middle of my field of vision.

I had nothing in the car to clean it off with - no water, no tissues, no scraper, nothing. But I couldn't have driven off, I wouldn't have been able to see anything.

So I cleaned it off with my hand.

Then, I reached into my pocket for my car keys. As I pulled them out, I had a bizarre moment of brain-fade and thought "What's that all over my hand?".

So I cheerfully licked my hand.

And then, of course, realised exactly what it was. And then immediately commenced with hacking, gagging and spitting to try and get the bird poop out of my mouth. I am an idiot.
( biscuitbiscuit is in ur garden, watering ur plantz, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 22:44, 3 replies)

I remember you first posting this.
And it still makes me laugh/gag simultaneously.
So click for a pea.

If that's allowed.
(Docofair, Fri 22 Mar 2013, 0:04, closed)

*Boke*
This wins, purely because it makes me feel sick.
( Bats, Fri 22 Mar 2013, 8:23, closed)

why, thank you!
I promise that you don't feel as sick as I did...
( biscuitbiscuit is in ur garden, watering ur plantz, Fri 22 Mar 2013, 23:38, closed)